Women Of Steel | ✔

II

Whatever inkling of warmth was on the king's face disappears at my words, her lips twist downwards in bitterness and her eyes harden in fury. She looks like she wants to rise from her throne and strike me, I find myself cowering away but instead she balls her hands into fists.

"You wish to leave Ile Wura?" She asks, voice taut with anger. The voice in me screams at me to make amends, and go along with her decision, Demilade can make a good choice for me, selecting a good husband and perhaps not a man fifty years older than I am. But the other voice, the one I have kept suppressed for so long speaks louder; let her know your heart and cease letting people live your life for yourself.

"Yes," I say in a weak voice. "There is nothing left for me here."

Demilade barks a harsh laugh, it resounds hollowly in my ears and I shift from one foot to another.

"Do you have family outside of Ile Wura?" She taunts.

"No."

"Do you have any distant family outside of Ile Wura?"

"No." Your people killed them all, I want to say.

"Do you have any wealth of your own?" Demilade continues to fire, ticking off each finger at her question, then she hovers hesitantly above her missing finger. "Have you ever taken care of yourself for a single day, Omolara?"

"No," This time, tears shine in my eyes blurring my vision. If Tade were alive, Demilade would never speak to me this way. I wouldn't be sneered down upon in my home. As soon as the thought occurs to me, I regret it. No matter how hard I struggle to forget it, I remember that my brother was monster and because he showed me kindness, and perhaps love does not make him any less of a destroyer.

"You cannot leave Ile Wura, and I am not saying this to be cruel. Omolara, you have no idea of how the world is outside of Ile Wura, you have no idea what people do to others because of greed and hate." Then she sneers down at me. "You would not last an hour outside Ile Wura."

The anger leaves her face suddenly and she sags against her throne.

"Your family was not loved by anybody, not one single soul." She continues, but I am far from listening. "If word got out about you, you'd be dead."

"I understand." I murmur, if only to abate the condescending look in her eyes. I fail. "Mo ti gbo."

Demilade shakes her head.

"I have tried to be patient with you, I have tried not to force you into any marriage that is not of your wish. But I cannot continue to shield you from the people of Ile Wura, your future must be decided." I hear the words she does not speak. I must get rid of you.

"The council held a meeting yesterday after that debacle." Her features tighten at the mention of the prince of Ile Alaafia. "We have come to a decision, you are of the age to get married."

At my alarmed look she holds out a swollen hand. "Let me finish."

"We agreed to a betrothal, but to a noble man, he will not harm you, you have my word. And if he dares lift a finger on you, you have the option to cut off the betrothal and live here for the rest of your life." She says.

Panic rises in me quick and I cannot tamp it down, my chest rises in quick succession.

"How long will this betrothal last?" And who was foolish enough to ask for my hand. 

"As long as you want, as long as it takes you to fall in love." She says the word 'love' with scorn, like it is a filthy word. As if it is not all I have ever desired.

If this opportunity had been given to me few months ago, I would have been jumping to the moon but now I am filled with cold dread. It is said of my family that we cannot love, that everything we touch withers away and I am afraid that curse extends to me.

"Your future is in your hands." Demilade concludes, the king relaxes into the hard chair, she looks almost relieved as though she expected me to put up a fight. I want to fight though, but the words remain stuck in my throat, like the good little girl I was taught to be.

"What unfortunate soul have you tied me to?" I say the words with intended venom but the King just shakes her head, I expected this, Omolara, you are nothing but a spoilt child, Her eyes say when they meet mine.

"Prince Zahir Zaid Bin Al-Kabir, second to the throne of the Hausa Kingdom."

She confirms my growing fear with her next words, hands gripping her growing stomach.

"He arrives in a week's time."

***

I don't wait a moment longer to begin planning my escape, the docile part of me screams at me to stay. Truly I know Demilade has wisdom in the words she said, there is no safe place outside Ile Wura but I will rather die out there than wait for Ile Wura to make up their minds about me. I see the looks the guards give me and I hate to think what they would do if I were alone with them, I see the maids and their thoughts to poison my meals. I will not stay a moment longer.

A part of me also acknowledges that running away from my husband to be might cause problems with both kingdoms but I am too selfish too care. And I am even more ashamed to admit it.

Duro, My head shouts.

Sare, My heart screams.

My hope to escape comes in the form of the annual wrestling tournaments that usually unites the eight Yoruba kingdom, and it is Demilade's first as king, all eyes remain on her and none of them on me.

I pack whatever little belongings I have, looking longingly at the life of luxury I am leaving behind and wonder for the first time if Demilade is right. I have never worked a day in my life and i don't know how to.

What really is out there for me? Nothing at all, no one to call a friend or family. I am alone. But if I stay I am alone too.

I want to prove so hard that I am not my brother, I am not my father or his father. How can I be anything other than who I have been taught to be, the girl who learnt to sneer at anyone beneath her, the girl who begged for scraps of attention, the girl who clawed for it. The girl who learnt to close her eyes the day she caught her father raping a slave woman. The girl who was taught to whip innocent slaves.

I don't stop to listen to that voice in my head telling me to stay, I let myself be selfish and cruel, I slip out Ile Wura on the night of the first day of the tournament, while men fought, I ran.