Slow Down

Four

Buck was on the edge barely hanging on. He acted like he was, but he was not okay. Images from the tsunami come flashing in his mind without warning all the time. While he's at work he can manage to stay calm, but while he's at home, alone, something in him just breaks, and he loses all control of his emotions. He constantly finds himself back in the tsunami, trudging through the water, yelling Christopher's name. He feels this pain all over. This pain of not being able to save everyone he could have in that tsunami. He couldn't contain all of it much more. He could feel himself losing the battle that was going on in himself.
Buck was eating with his team, when he heard the tsunami. He was suddenly surrounded by water again, and piles and piles of dead bodies. He heard Bobby calling his name, and snapped out of it. "Buck, you good?" Bobby sounded so concerned. Instead of lying, Buck quickly got up and ran outside. He evened his breathing, and wiped his tears. Bobby has followed him. "Buck, tell me what's wrong." He wasn't asking, he was ordering, he was the captain, it's what he did. Buck broke down right there in front of Bobby.
"I'm sorry Bobby. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. What's going on?" Bobby was being calm for Buck.
"It's just that d*mn tsunami. Pictures of all the dead bodies. Pictures of the people I could've saved but didn't. They come flashing back all the time. And I know you think it's not my fault Bobby, I do, but it is. I chose to take Christopher to the beach. I'm the one who lost him, and because I lost him, I couldn't save all the people I should've. And you wanna know what makes me the most upset? I wasn't wearing my uniform, I was wearing normal, everyday clothes. I couldn't take them off and tell myself I did everything I could for them. I had to take them off, knowing I didn't do anything to help them. I can't ever let them go. That's the worse part. I'm never going to be able to fully move on from this." Bucks pain was so prominent in this moment. Bobby could see it all over him. Bobby knew nothing he could say would make him feel better. 
"Buck I know there is nothing that I can say to help you, but I need you to know that these people that haunt you probably had a hundred other people that couldn't help them. These other people and you are not to blame. You were all preoccupied and that is beyond understandable. Don't lose yourself over this." Buck didn't say anything in reply, he just went back into the station and headed directly for the bathroom. He locked himself in and sobbed uncontrollably. His team heard his sobs, but left him alone.