Always Wanted A Second Chance

Chapter 11

WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Darry laid Ponyboy down on the bed in his and Soda's room, Soda standing next to him, a hand on his shoulder.

Soda sighed gently. "...what are we gonna do, Dar?"

For once, Superman didn't have an answer. He glanced over at Soda, his heart aching. He'd never admitted it, but he longed for a relationship with Ponyboy, a closer one, like Soda and Pone had. They never seemed to get along unless something was wrong. He ran a hand down his face, making a soft noise, watching Pony sleep peacefully.

"I don't know, Sodapop. I don't know."

His heart gave a painful throb as he watched Soda climb into bed next to Ponyboy, nodding weakly as he turned to leave.

"Darry?" Ponyboy whispered softly.

Darry whipped back around, kneeling down and brushing his hair out of his face. "Yeah, kiddo?"

"Can you sleep with us tonight?"

Darry's heart melted, his younger brother looking so hopeful, even Soda giving him the puppy dog eyes. He nodded. "Of course, kiddo."

He laid down next to Pony, kissing his head gently before watching as his brothers drifted off to sleep.

'Mom...Dad...Tell me what to do..."

OoO

Ponyboy woke up next to his brothers. It took him a moment before the heart clenching reality came flooding back to him like a hurricane.

He almost beat a man to death.

Ponyboy took a shuddering breath as his body began to shiver and his mind began to melt. Everything seemed so wrong. No, everything was wrong. Everything was wrong with him.

Ponyboy began to sit up slowly, to not wake up his sleeping brothers beside him, before realizing the position he was in, and despite the severity of the situation, it brought a small smile to his face.

Darry was facing him, laying on his side with one hand tucked under his head, and the other wrapped tightly around Ponyboy's small frail body. Ponyboy looked to his left and saw Sodapop, laying on his back, with one hand underneath Ponyboy's head, and the other sprawled across his chest. His smile grew a bit bigger.

With everything happening in their lives, Ponyboy never realized how much of a toll it has taken on his brothers. They both looked so much younger and so much happier. Darry's brows weren't furrowed and Soda's face wasn't stained with tears.

'It's because of me. That's the reason Darry works so hard. That's why Soda works so hard. That's why they're so worried and angry. That's why Darry yells and why Soda cries. It's all because of me.' Ponyboy thought to himself quietly. He fumbled with the sweater paws briefly wondering why his sweater was so big on him. It then occurred to him that he hadn't eaten the past couple of days, always responding with "I'm not hungry." or "I don't feel good." to anyone who asked.

Ponyboy scoffed slightly in disgust.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He heard Darry stir next to him and quickly laid back down, feigning sleep. He waited for a few moments before opening his eyes. Darry's were staring right back at his. Darry didn't seem to notice that Ponyboy had already been awake and reached over to run a hand through Ponyboy's messy hair. "Hey, kiddo. How'd you sleep?" Darry whispered softly, so as to not wake Soda.

"Good." Ponyboy replied, and it wasn't a lie. Crying as much as he did seemed to tire him out to the point where he had a dreamless sleep.

Darry smiled. "I'm glad. Are you hungry?" He asked, with an unreadable expression on his face.