Leave Me Before I Go

Hello, Love.

“Hello Love.” It was Michael.

I shouldn’t have opened the door. So stupid! Always look at the eye thingy in the door to see who it is! Shit.

“What do you want?” I say trying to sound serious.

“Can’t I come in?” He says, taking his hat off.

I look at him for some seconds. trying not to look at his eyes.

“Please?” He says again.

I walk away from the door and let him in. I know I will regret it.

“Nice place.” He says taking off his jacket and then he sits on the couch.

“Nice couch.” He says again.

“How did you find my place? I don’t recall telling you.” I say going to the kitchen.

“I got my resources.” He said giving me a grin.

 Michael noticed me going and said: “I don’t want anything. Stay here.”

“I don’t want to give you anything. I just want a glass of water for myself.” I say and go in the kitchen and grab that glass of water, take a sip, take a deep breath and go back in to my little nice living room and sit down on my nice couch.

“You look beautiful.” Michael says.

“Don’t be stupid Michael. You are an asshole already I can take that, but don’t be a stupid asshole.” I say and take another sip of my glass.

Michael gives out a long sigh and then takes his eyes off me and fixes them on his shoes. I feel better like that. I missed his eyes.

“When I was leaving your place I accidently grabbed one your shirts. I’ll give it to you. I think some of my stuff are still at your place too.” I say. trying so hard not to cry. I can’t talk to him without crying. I miss him. He is an asshole but I have missed him so much. Does that make any sense? I don’t want to cry anymore. At least not in front of him. I’m tired of crying. I just want to relax.

“Why did you leave so suddenly?” He says and then looks at me again.

“I mean I know why you left, but why didn’t you let me talk to you. I was stupid Scar. I was too stupid. I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry. And you shouldn’t have left me like that. I was drunk! I went to a fucking party which you refused to come with me. I got drunk with the lads and I met this French girl then I got drunk with her! And me, as stupid as I am, brought her home with me and we fucked on our, me and yours, fucking bed! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve missed you. I feel like shit all…all the time.” Michael said that and then put his head between his hands. His voice cracked at the end and I knew he was about to cry. And now I was about to cry. What is this a soap opera? 

“You’re a dickhead! Do you fucking know that?!” I shout out while crying viciously then I get off the couch and stand right in front of him.

“My dad had just died you asshole! How the fuck could I come to a fucking party?! Are you really that stupid Michael? I’m sick of this! I didn’t deserve what you did to me Michael. I don’t even care if the girl is a fucking beauty queen! I didn’t deserve that. If you didn’t love me you should’ve just broken up with me. You shouldn’t have cheated on me! Being drunk doesn’t justify that!” I shout out again and cry harder.

“Shut up Scar! I’ve always loved you! I just told you I love you! I love you, but you never tell me you love me! Scar, I …” I didn’t let him finish. Michael was crying too. Not as bad as me.

“Oh God. I’m so tired of crying Michael. I’m so tired. See what you’ve done? I told you not to come. Not now. I wasn’t ready. I can’t...I can’t….” I couldn’t finish what I was trying to say. Tears wouldn’t let me. I could feel Michael’s hand on my shoulder he was trying to hold me in his arms and I fought a little but I was too tired. He held me and we just stood there. I was crying on his shoulder and I just couldn’t stop.

“I’m sorry. Scar, I’m so sorry.” Michael whispers in to my ear. Michael grabs my hand and holds it as tight as possible I want to tell him to go away I want to tell him to fuck off. But I missed him too much. I loved him. And in some way I felt desperate for his touch. I love him.

“I love you. I love you.” Michael whispers in to my ear. Only for me to hear.

“Why can’t you believe me?” Michael says and then kisses my watery eye.

// Hi! I'm sorry I used the F word so much. I just wanted to show how tense everything was.//