Leave Me Before I Go

Apparently, I wasn't fun enough

I held Michael until his phone started ringing. I wanted to let him go but he was still holding on to me, so I forced my way out and went in to my small room in the corner of my small apartment. Very small apartment, but comfortable. That’s what actually matters, I guess.

Michael finally answered his phone, I could hear him talking to someone. It’s Mitch, I think. He said Mitch a couple of times. I take a look at myself in the mirror. I’m a mess. I clean up my face and fix my somewhat ponytail looking thing.

I sit on the bed for a while. Waiting and listening for Michael’s call to finish. I’m scared. I feel so scared. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s so complicated, but then it’s not! Is it?! I mean when someone cheats on you, it’s over. It should be. I’ve seen couples who just aren’t the same after that. Some cheats are stupid but does that matter? It’s still cheating. I feel sick. God, please. I just want things to end, or get better. See? I am stupid! Because right now the image of a better future came in to my mind, but with Michael in it.

I think he loved me. But some just say it. Has he done anything for me? Yes, of course! He has done some amazing things actually. He once rented this little cinema for a night and we watched “Cat on a Hot Thin Roof” together. That night was perfect. He does have the money! And I’m not saying that it’s not important. It is! But it’s never enough, is it?

I missed him so much. I really did. He smelt so good when I hugged him. He smelt like alcohol and clone.

I love you too. I love you too Michael. But you make it hard.

I get out of the bed and go in to the living room. Michael’s phone call seemed to be finished and it was. Michael was sitting on the couch, looking out the window.

“I think it’s gonna rain.” He says putting his hair behind his ear.

“It always rains.” I say with a low voice and then rest my back on the wall.

“You look hot.” He says trying to sound cheerful.

“You look better.” I say going towards the kitchen.

“Impossible.” Michael says that and then follows me to the kitchen. “Don’t be like this Scarlet. You shouldn’t be like this. You’re the fun one, remember?” Michael continues. He puts his hands on my shoulder, his hands are very cold.

“That’s why you cheated? Because I wasn’t fun enough?” I say that and then turn around to face him.

He looks at me in the eye. I can see the frustration.

“Everything will always lead to that, huh?” Michael says still looking straight in my eyes.

“Yes.” I say.  I’m trying so hard not to look away. Not to back out. I hold the empty glass in my hands so tight.

“That’s how it’s gonna be. I see.” He says. Michael leaves my eyes and turns his back on me. He puts his fingers through his hair and then suddenly turns around. He is too close.

He grabs my shoulders and pushes me to the wall. It hurt. He then comes closer and starts kissing me. I’m not kissing him back. I try to push him away and then suddenly the glass falls down and it breaks in to pieces. Michael pulls back, frustrated. I can feel my tears coming done my cheek.

“What’s wrong with you?” I say and then leave the apartment in a hurry.

As I get down the stairs and in to the street I can feel my legs going numb. My head hurts and I want to throw up. Then Michael stands right in front of me and stops me.

“Don’t make a scene. I’m leaving. You go back home. I’m leaving.” He says and looks in my eyes for some seconds as if he is waiting for me to say something. He wipes the tears off my eyes and then goes away. I watch him till he becomes a small dot and then disappear.

I run back to my apartment and take a few sleeping pills. My head hurts. My everything hurts. I look out the window. Michael was right, it is raining.

I go to my bedroom and throw myself on my bed, grab a pillow and do my best effort to drift in to sleep.

I wake up suddenly, I look at the time and it’s half pas 8. PM! Shit! I slept the whole day. I took too many sleeping pills. There’s a knock on the door and I can hear bangs in my ear. My head is fuzzy and I can barely get out of bed.

I open the door and I see William standing there, All soaked.

“What the hell Scarlet! Answer your fucking phone, will you?” He says and then barges in.