Leave Me Before I Go

Getting Over

For what seems like an eternity I finally get up and leave my bed with its white sheets alone. I go straight to the bathroom and wash my face. I look at myself in the mirror. I’m such a mess. I jump in the shower.

When I get out of the bathroom its 5:40 am. It’s the second time I’ve been getting up so early. I dry my hair. It’s a bit short so I make my best effort to fit it in to a pony tail thingy.

I’m tired, I haven’t got much sleep and this month has been hell. First my dad passes away then I break up with Michael. Fucking Michael cheated on me with a fucking red head. Oh, well he was out of my league anyways. But my dad dying. That really crushed me. I wasn’t ready for that. I guess no one ever is ready but it was so sudden.

Shit, I’m crying again.

Don’t cry stupid! It has almost been a month.

I should work on my “Music Saves” project. Lana gave me a whole month off. Lana is my friend and the head editor of the magazine I work at. I’m a writer for “Tune In” magazine. It’s about music and cinema mostly. It’s not very popular but it has its fair amount of readers and they are getting more and more which, is a good thing.

I wipe my tears and go in the kitchen and fix myself a sandwich. A sandwich is basically the only thing I can make. I pour some coffee in my favorite cup which has “feels” written all over it and turn on my computer to get some work done. I put on the original score of beginners by B. Reitzell, D. Palmer and R. Neil. I love the movie and I adore its music. Then I take a sip of my coffee and start working.

When I stop writing I realize that its 7:30. I’m going to take a break. A long one! I save what I had written and turn the computer off.

I pick up my cell to give Lana a call. I hadn’t spoken with her for a week now. And I wouldn’t return her calls. There are four beeps before Lana answers.

“Hey Scar.” Lana says. It sounds like she is eating something. “How are you?” she says again, this time swallowing what she was eating.

“Hi. I’m ok. How are you and what are you eating?” I say trying to fit in some humor in my voice.

“I’m good and I am eating a donut with chocolate cover.” She says. I can feel her smiling.

“You bastard! Without me?!” I say with a smile on my face.

“Honey, just because you’re gone doesn’t mean I should stop eating.” Lana says and takes another bite. I know that because she made it very clear with the noises she made.

“True.” I say and drop myself on the couch.

“No tell me, How are you? Really.” Lana said that with concern. I always make her worry. I am a shitty friend.

“I’m as ok as I can be considering things.” I say and let out a little sigh.

“Scarlet, Honey I don’t know if I should tell you this or not. But promise me you won’t get too upset.” Lana says. Now I was worried.

“What?” I say not promising anything.

Lana leaves me in suspense for a few seconds and then says: “Michael came here the other day. He wanted to see you. Wanted your new address. Of course I didn’t give it to him, but he really was concerned. Really. I think you should call him. Or just answer his phone calls. He said he calls you and you don’t answer.” Lana finishes and now you give her a few seconds of suspense.

“I’m not ready yet Lana. He cheated on me knowing that my dad has just died and knowing that it would crush me. I was already in so much pain with dad leaving me.” I said that and in seconds I was crying again.