Leave Me Before I Go

Michael

I’ve done this before, haven’t I? See In all of my relationships I was the one who’d do something crazy, unhealthy, fucked up shit! And then I’d wait for them to leave me. As if I already believed they would let me go at some point. Leave me. And then I become just another memory. But see, with Scarlet… I don’t know what I want with her. That’s a first. I want her to be with me at all time. Fuck it, I wanted her when I was doing that French girl.

See, Scar she is very different. There’s no bullshit between us and she’s always so honest. I’ve missed her hands actually. She does this thing with her hands when she’s nervous. She starts touching every one of her fingers equal amount of times and then rub her hands twice. She always does it. The first time I noticed this, I was about to kiss her. She was nervous. I mean how can someone be so sweet? Bust she’s also a shithead! I sometimes feel so distant from her. She never lets me in. She always listens to me, always. I can tell her everything but she never shares a god damn thing. I feel left out. I hate that. I want to be trusted. But I screwed up even more now.

I saw Scar about year ago. Before all this madness happened. The whole rock star thing. Not that I don’t enjoy it, anyway it was a year ago and me and my mates were playing at this popular pub. The night was incredible. Our manager told us she had good news and all the time these girls were jumping up and down for us. Mitch, our drummer got too many bras thrown on his face anyway, after we were done playing and taking a break this incredibly cute big eyed girl with a pair of glasses even bigger than her eyes approaches me and says: “Hi, I’m Scarlet White from “Tune In” magazine. I’ve made an arrangement with your manager to interview you."

She interviewed all of us. Mitch, Roger, Alexander and me. All business with her huge glasses I thought her nose would break cause of those damn glasses. But her eyes they were something, I’m telling you. I hated those glasses, they covering the most perfect part of her face. Those brown huge eyes. After the interview we just started to talk, you know. See, I’m not a very sociable person I keep to myself do my own thing and don’t talk to people, but Scar is one of those people for me. Those kind of people you just know you can trust I hated the way she bit her lips. So distracting.

“You have beautiful eyes.” I finally said.

“Oh. Thanks.” She said and the bit her lip again. Stop it! Come on love!

“Now you have to say something nice about me.” I said trying to look charming, I believe I failed. Miserably.

She chuckled. Took off her glasses which made me the happiest man on Earth and the pushed her hair behind her ears.

“Well, I like what you’ve done with you hair.” She said that and then put her hand on my hair, touching it a little I could see her cheeks going red.

“Sorry.” She said and took her hand back, which disappointed me.

“Don’t be.” I whispered. Not loud enough for her to hear I’m afraid.

She was going to put her glasses on again, but I stopped her and held her hand.

“Don’t… you look better with your eyes all free of that bastard.” I said, trying to ignore the fact I was holding her cold hand. She smelled like Tess. (Tess is my favourite guitar. Yes! I have a name for my favourite guitar.)

She took her hand back and stared at her feet for about a minute. She wasn’t shy during the interview at all. She spoke so confident, cracking jokes even, but when we got alone together and I Shooed the guys away, she became shy. Not that I didn’t like it. It was sweet to be honest.

She let her hair cover her face as if she was hiding. I pushed her hair back and put it behind her ear. She then turned and look at me.

“What will you be doing tomorrow night?” I asked. I kept looking at her straight in the eyes, trying to find my answer before the words leaving her mouth.

“I’ll be at my apartment, probably watching editing our interview.” She said. She was now looking straight into my eyes too. Not shy now, are we?

“Can I help?” I said. I could feel a grin forming on my face.

“That depends, Have you ever edited anything before?” She asked. I could feel the amusement in her voice.

Love, you like this.

“Never, I’m afraid.” I answered with a fake pout.

She chuckled and started to grab her stuff. Fuck! She was leaving. But I thought things were going on well.

She grabbed her stuff and her papers and the small voice recorder and then got down from her sit.

“Maybe I can teach you.” She said and then gave me a napkin with her number written on it.

“I’m sure you can, love.” I said my grin covering my face. for a moment there I thought I was the joker.

She smiled and then put her glasses on. Those bastards.

I had never been more jealous of anything than those glasses hiding those beautiful eyes. Bastards I tell you. Bastards.