Little Things Hayes Grier

Chapter 44

I needed matt... It was 3 am and I kept waking up, I couldn't breathe my heart was pounding I was just having an anxiety attack. I went into my bathroom and searches through the drawers. When I moved here the first time I know for a fact that I bought my anxiety prescription medicine here I know I did. "found it" I closed the drawer and opened up the bottle. I poured 2 pills out into my hand and swallowed it. I felt dizzy but ignored it. I went back to my bed and unplugged my phone. I went through my contacts and dialed Matt's number.

He answered on the first ring. "hello?"
"Matt?"

"Yes? are you okay Jenn?" Matt asked sounding like he was waking up more.

"Yes, I just need somebody to talk to, I am just having an anxiety attack."

"Do you have a medication for it?" Matt asked

"Yes, I do I took 2 just now."

"Wait, how many are you supposed to take?"

"2..." I lied

"Alright, well what happened?"

"I'm - worth- ugh."

"Your what?" Matt asked softly

"Worthless Matt I'm worthless I don't get wanna be here!" I said starting to cry

"Jenn, never ever think that okay? Your beautiful your are worth it okay? Wanna know why because your here, and your one of my best friends." Matt said

"I just can't do this Matt, I practically have no family, I only have Hayes but I don't even knows what's happening with Hayes and I." I sighed and letting tears go down my face.

"Jenn, go to Hayes's house now."

"But I-"

"Jenn! Go now."

"Okay, bye Matt love you."

"Love you too Jenny see you soon.'

I smiled and hung up... I looked at the clock again and I realized it's almost four... I can't go to Hayes's house...I thought of an idea. I stood up and grabbed my phone. I went to my double door bedroom doors and locked both door's so nobody will notice im gone. I looked out the window and notcied that Stacey's car was in the road... weird. I went to the balcony doors and turned the key and opened the door. It accidently hit the wall and it made a big thump.

"Shit!" I yelled but said in a whipser tone

I stepped on the balcony and closed the door behind me. I put one leg over and the other and jumped down and landed on hands and knees. "Ouch." My knees were a little bloody but I couldn't focous on that, I needed to go to Hayes. Now.

~

I found some pebbles and threw them at Hayes's window. I saw a lamp turn on. I was a little happy. Thank god it worked. I saw Hayes's balcony door open and he walked out and started to look around.

"Hayes! Look down." I said

Hayes looked down... he was confused... probably because he was just woken up at 3 in the morning. "What are you doing?"

"Hayes we have to talk.."

"Climb up the ladder." Hayes instructed

I nodded and started to climb untill I sucessfully made it onto Hayes's balcony.
Hayes put his arms out for me to grab onto and he pulled me up. It got really windy all the sudden and it started to drizzle a little. Hayes lead me inside and he shut the balcony door behind him. "What do you need Jenn?" He asked
I sighed, not knowing what to say. "Hayes, it's starting again..."
"What's starting again?" He asked becoming concerned and his voice becoming louder
"Shh! Don't wake your parents or Nash or sky up..."
Hayes rolled his eyes. "Your more important right now, what is starting again?" He asked
"My de-"
"Your what?"
"Depression..." I said looking down
Hayes sighed and walked closer to me and put his finger under my chin and lifted my head up. "Your too beautiful to be depressed."
I smiled lightly. "Hayes you don't understand, you have a mom, a brother, sister, a nice loving father.. I don't have that... I'm not one of those girls who can be best friends with her mom na dhabi the best relationship, because she was killed, my father is useless, I will never have the father and daughter bond, I dint have any siblings to be their role model, or any siblings to look up to either. Yeah, I have my aunt, but she is never home, and Stacey, but she doesn't give two craps about anyone else. I have nobody, nobody to talk to, nobody that understands me... I will never have that Hayes." I said now sobbing into Hayes's chest.
Hayes stroked my hair and rubbed my back and formed circles on my back. "Jenny, we are going to get you help okay?" I shook my head. "No Hayes please no they will find out about my self har-"
Shit..
"You started self harm again?" Hayes said putting his hands on my shoulders
I didn't answer. Hayes lifted up my sleeves and saw some cuts... "When?" He asked softly rubbing his thumbs over my cuts.

"With the whole lunch situation...." I sighed " it bothered me so much..." I started sobbing again
~

I woke up the next morning, I felt a strong pair of arms around my waist holding me securely. I turned around and saw Hayes sleeping peacefully. Then last night flashes into my mind... I know I never said but yes, after what happened with my friends at lunch, when I got home after walking home I cut... I couldn't take it, it took away the pain...
I shook my head and saw Hayes's eyes were fluttering open. "Morning princess." Hayes said smiling
I smiled. "So what do you wanna do?" Hayes asked
"Wanna walk to the park?"
Hayes nodded and smiled....
~

Flashback
~
"Im sorry jenn, mom died in a drunk driver crash.." My dad said sobbing
I was speechless, how the hell could this happen to such a great person? I ran, I ran away I needed to get away, how the fuck do I live without a mother? The pain, the suffering this caused was sorrow and will never disappear and will never leave me. I had a pain in my chest, I put my hand over my chest. I was in the woods now, I kept walking trying to catch a breath and I saw a wooden cabin, it looked abandon. I walked towards the cabin and went inside. I sat in a small corner and put my head in my hands and cried, and cried. This cabin was all rotten, I heard some cracks but ignored it, I continued to cry my eyes out, I heard a noise. I picked up my head and turned my body to the left and right. My wrist was scrapped by a piece of wood. It hurt and stung but it felt good, it took away the pain.

*End of flashback*

.....
"Jenn are you okay?" Hayes asked
I nodded and looked away, trying to get the flashback out of my mind...