I've been spending my whole life thinking about this word. Death.
Not my death though.
The way that it's so powerful yet delicate, it's so controlling and yet we don't know when it's coming.
All I know is that death scares me. It scares me more than anything. And as much as I try to stop thinking about it, I can't help but keep going back to loss. Loss is something I can't face, but it's the language of pain. And pain is something we cannot prevent.
This is not the pain that is caused by a knee scrape, or a breeding gash against my flesh.
This is internal pain, internal pressure, internal anxiety. It's not like I'm not trying to get rid of it, trying to understand the meaning behind so much pain. I've faced loss, even if it wasn't as severe as other losses.
Eventually I thought I'd be immune to the pain, but I can't be numb like that.
Numbness brings a hurricane of emotions over inside my heart.
I can't watch things spiral out of hand and do nothing about it, but that's exactly what I do.
Sometimes I wonder if the heavy weight on my chest is physical or is it just that deep.
When someone asks me if I'm okay, tears threaten to leave my eyes. Am I okay? Am I good enough? Am I a good daughter, a friend, a sister? Or am I just sitting here disappointing everyone in the room.
Death makes me think. About my parents, my grandparents, cousins and uncles and aunts I haven't seen for days. It brings back the happy, sad, mellow, exhilarating emotions back to the surface.
I want myself to be happy, but there's so much bottled up inside of me that I can't. I don't know why my heart hurts but I know it's keeping me alive to the fullest of my ability.
***
OKAY *sobs*
Before anyone gets worried about if I'm okay, trust me I am! I just really wanted to get this shitty emotional thought out of my head, cuz it was basically pulling me down.
What better way to spend a Monday evening?
I think a lot of people on wattpad relate to whatever the frick I wrote, and that's why I wanted to share it with y'all.
What I mean by this is that, to the best of our abilities, don't let fear take control over our bodies, our minds. Let it bring back memories of all your brave moments and replace the anxiety with neutrality and maybe even hope.
Byeeeee, I hope you have a wonderful and productive week ahead of you.
GO DO YOUR THING PEOPLE!!!
~ love yourselves (and me pls)!
YOU ARE READING
Life Is A Conflict - Poetry Book
PoetryBefore you start reading this book, let me warn you that this is not a fictional story (it's not even a story, idk what to call it) Therefore every word that's going to be written in this book (more like a journal) will be written based on either my...
