We Were Free

Chapter 32

A few weeks passed and Rachel texted us every day of it. It was so cute though. We also had haileys funeral and jake and I went half's and paid for the entire service so that her parents didn't have to pay a thing. It made me so happy, but also devastated.

I was laying with jake on my couch and he had his hands holding my breasts and I looked up at him. He was so cute. His phone went off and I kissed his cheek,

"Who's that?" I asked.

"Rachel." He smiled weakly and I rested my head against his chest and I grabbed my phone, expecting it to be in the group chat with us, and it wasn't.

"She texted just you?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said.

"What'd she say?" I asked.

"She texted me about the whole drugs thing and asked me how I got my mind off things to stay sober. I told her sex." He said and I hit his chest.

"She's 17, Jake. She's already crushing on you. You aren't cheating on me with her or getting any ideas. She's so young-she's like a baby sister." I said.

"I didn't mean sex with her. I meant for her to have sex in general. Every time I was sober I fucked you until you couldn't walk. That's all she needs-and I wouldn't even thinkabout messing around with her. She's too young." He said and I chuckled.

"You're so annoying." I said and he kissed me.

"I'm right." He said and I rested my head against his chest.

"Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"How does being on that-make you feel?" I asked.

"What?" He asked.

"Just answer me. I want to know." I said and he paused for a second.

"It makes me feel happy. I have a lot of energy, but I'm calm. It makes me feel lovey and less paranoid. When I'm sober, I think someone's constantly watching me because we're constantly followed. I don't really get too worked up about it when I'm not sober." He said and I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Can I try it?" I asked and he cocked an eyebrow at me.

"What?" He asked.

"Can I try it? Just once." I said.

"Absolutely not. I said I wanted to do it once. I haven't been able to stop, Blaire. I'm not doing that to you." He said.

"I want to try it. I want to understand where you're coming from and I'll never do it again. I promise with everything in me I won't. I just want to know." I said and he drug his hands down his face.

"No, Blaire." He said softly and I sat up in bed.

"I swear I won't do it again." I said and he grabbed my hands.

"I can't let you." He said.

"Where is it?" I asked.

"Blaire." He warned as I got up. I went to the jeans he wore the night before and he jumped up and grabbed my arm as I held it in my hands.