We Were Free

Chapter 46

Jake went out with his friends one night and I knew that was going to be it. He did it the night before we went back to work and I kept asking him and begging him to stay home. I kept telling him we had to wake up early and be at the office, but he didn't listen to me or care and he wanted his boys night. He went out all night. Every hour I would wake up to check if he was next to me and he wasn't.

When I woke up in the morning, he still hadn't gotten home and as much as I was scared-I knew he didn't come home because he was scared of what I would say. He didn't want me to know that he fucked up, even if I already did.

I got to work at 7:30am. I normally got there between 8 or 10, but I showed up early because if he showed up to the house to get ready for work while I was there, I was going to freak out on him. I would have rather just seen him walk into the office and ignored that it even happened and got over it.

I was literally in the break room getting myself coffee and a donut and I felt a hand land on the side of my hip and I slightly jumped.

"It's just me. I'm sorry." Jakes voice said softly and I looked up over my shoulder at him.

"Where were you?" I asked and narrowed my eyes as I put my things down on the table.

"I went out with the guys. You know that." He said. He looked amazing. He still looked good, but he was noticeably hungover. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a little messier than usual, and his stubble was darker and thicker.

"I know you went out with them. That's not what I asked. I asked where you work. I woke up every hour of the night waiting for you. Bars close around 3 downtown, I know for damn sure you weren't at a bar all night. Did you go home with someone-"

"Woah-Woah. That's enough. I didn't go home with anyone but my friend nick. I was completely obliterated and wasn't going home to you the way I was. I did you a favor. My phone died so I didn't get to text you or anything so I'm sorry if I worried you. I fucked up, okay? It's done and I'm here. Early." He said and I sighed.

"Did you breaks being sober?" I asked.

"Yes." He said and my eyes softened.

"I'm sorry." He said and I looked away from him and grabbed my coffee.

"Blaire-"

"Are you high right now? As we speak?" I asked.

"Yes, but I'm fine. I'm coming down from it and-"

"That's not the point! You still did it!" I screamed.

"Stop. It was a little bit that I needed just to fucking relax. I think I can control it now." He said,

"Bullshit." I mumbled and he put his hand on my stomach.

"Blaire, I'm fine. Look. I'm standing in front of you talking to you completely and perfectly normal. Nothing is wrong with me, I'm just tired. I'm sorry for staying out like I did. It won't happen again." He said.

"Whatever." I mumbled and I walked out.

"Blaire." He sighed as he followed me out onto the main floor.

"Leave me alone." I said.

"Blaire!" He yelled loudly and strongly at me and I froze with my back to him. It sent chills down my spine from how loud and serious he sounded. It didn't even sound like it came from him.

"Turn around and look at me." He warned and I did with my arms crossed in front of me.

"I'm sorry.. Just stop worrying about me. I'm fine and I'm fucking alive. I had a little bit." He said.

"I'm sure you'll have more."

* * *

I went home after work and completely ignored Jake. I didn't know if he was going to my house or his, but I didn't even care. I was so annoyed and disappointed with him it was unbelievable.

When I got home, his car wasn't in my driveway. Thankfully. I got out and unlocked my front door and I went into the kitchen after putting all my things down. I heard my front door open just when I thought he wasn't coming, and I rolled my eyes.

"Jake you shouldn't even be here. Just go home." I mumbled and there was no response. He just walked into the kitchen and looked at me. It was clear he was high again. His pupils were dilated and his eyes were red. He was back.

"Go home." I said.

"I am home." He said.

"Don't do this, Jake. You're pissing me off." I said and he walked towards me.

"I'm fine. Just because I'm high, doesn't mean I'm a completely different person. Just listen to me. I told you this would happen. I'll never be sober forever. I'll always be this way, but if you can just accept that and love me for me-"

"It's hard to love you like this." I said and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"We can still do everything we've been doing when I was sober. Blaire-theres still snow on the ground. Do you want to go out and fucking build a snowman? What do you want? Just tell me what you want and I'll make it fucking happen." He said.

"I want to actually feel like you love me." I said and his eyes softened.

"You know I love you." He said.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Yes, Blaire." He said.

"It doesn't feel like it. You're never happy. You're always drinking or high. The only time we're happy is when we're having sex and I've said this so many times. You're a billionaire and you don't have feelings. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself. Do you understand how bad it would be if I had your baby and you died because of a drug overdose? Do you know what I would have to explain to our child? Do you know what my family would think? Your family?" I asked.

"I don't have feelings? I may not give a shit about anyone but I genuinely care about you and you made me fall in love with you as soon as we started actually talking. Don't tell me you don't mean anything to me. I'd die for you and I have proved that I would many times. I don't just care about myself." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"You say that everytime this happens. You try and make yourself look good." I said.

"No I don't. I'm being honest with you. You always want me to be honest, so I am." He said.

"I just need a break from you." I mumbled.

"Blaire." He warned.

"I want to be alone." I said.

"No you don't." He said.

"Yes I do and I mean it. I don't want to be around you and I want to be by myself in my house. Just leave me the hell alone. Please." I mumbled.

"I'm not leaving you alone. You'll just call me tonight and want me back here." He said.

"I don't want you here right now. I don't want you talking to me. I don't want to look at you or see you. Starting a relationship with you, knowing how toxic you were, was the worst decision I have ever made in my life." I said he just stared at me. He looked mad and angry, but sad and upset at the same time.

"Is this finally it? Am I finally free to go fuck anyone I want to and get any model I want? Am I back to that now? Or am I with you? Make up your mind. I'm so close to just not caring anymore. It's a shame you don't see how much I care because if I didn't I would have cheated on you with 18 different women by now." He said and I smacked him and he hit me. For the first time in months he hit me and it hurt. It genuinely hurt me.

"Leave!" I screamed.

"I didn't hurt you. Don't overreact." He mumbled.

"Leave! I hate you!" I screamed and he clenched his jaw as he walked out of the room. I kept screaming at him as he left and he didn't even turn around. I hated him so much. I wanted to be done forever. I couldn't keep trying to change him or fix him because he would never change. He never cared about me.