We Were Free

Chapter 25

Jake and I had sex a lot more after he told me that. A lot more. We probably had sex three times a day just because. My favorite was on the kitchen table. We were eating dinner and we were having a serious conversation about everything that had been going on and everything at work-and then we made eye contact with each other and it set something off in the both of us that drove us both crazy. It was honestly amazing.

Other than that though, we were happy and he was happier. We were trying to work on him becoming sober but he'd go hours without it and start withdrawing and I'd feel bad so I'd let him do it again.

We woke up one morning though and we talked. For hours we talked about being serious with changing and how he needed to become sober to better our relationship and himself. He cried and he poured his entire heart out to me on how hard it would be. He told me he didn't want to lose me and begged me to stay no matter how hard it got. It broke my heart. I wouldn't have left him. He cheated on me and I didn't leave him. I didn't want him to think I would.

We finally made a day to be serious about it and he told me no matter how bad he was withdrawing, to not let him use again. I obviously promised him. I was so happy he wanted to better himself

The first hour he woke up he didn't use and he was fine. He was actually really cute and I kept making eye contact with him because I really loved how beautiful his eyes were. He smiled every time I looked at him because he knew why I was.

The second hour he wouldn't stop moving and he got up from laying on the couch with me and went into the kitchen. I followed him and he started making coffee.

"Coffee?" I asked.

"I need something." He said and I went up behind him and kissed his shoulder before wrapping my hands around his waist.

"I'm really feeling it." He sighed.

"You're jittery." I said.

"I know-can we get a shower and do something? I can't sit in this house. I keep thinking about my dad and everything else." He said.

"Okay. Drink some coffee and we can go upstairs and get a shower." I said and he nodded.

"I love you, Blaire." He said.

"I love you, too." I said.

"This isn't going to be a fun and happy time. I'm sorry if I get short tempered through this." He said.

"I understand. It's okay." I said and he sighed. He poured a cup of coffee for himself and he put cream and sugar in it before drinking it. I stayed with him in the kitchen and he looked over at me.

"I fucking hate being sober." He said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I feel like shit. I'm not happy at all. It makes me actually think about shit that I don't want to and I'm not numb." He said.

"Jake you need to be sober in real-life scenarios. You weren't sober through the entire time your dad was going through that. You didn't let yourself grieve properly. You got angry and didn't get as sad as a normal person would when something like that happens. All you did was genuinely get angry." I said and he nodded.

"I know but it feels better than taking on emotions." He said.

"Jake-"

"You don't understand because you've never been hooked on drugs. You don't get it at all and id never want you to understand where I'm coming from, but I know what I feel and it's hard. It's so fucking hard." He said and I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Just-please just be with me through this and help me. I'm sorry." He said and I nodded.

"Let's just go shower." I said and he nodded. He put the coffee down and he followed me upstairs. I went straight into the bathroom and undressed and he undressed with me. I could tell he wanted to do it. I could tell completely.