We Were Free

Chapter 28

Jake and I got over our argument we were in we ended up having sex in our hotel room almost as soon as we got there. It was bad, really bad, but I was getting used to us fighting physically. To the point that it didn't even phase me anymore.

When we were done we met with random people I had never met before who Jake claimed he had, and it was maybe an hour meeting discussing things to do with the case we were trying to take. They ended up telling us no basically. They didn't want us for their case. We flew out across the country to make a deal, and they turned us down. A billionaire business down. Jake was pissed and so was I. We wasted our time flying out to the middle of nowhere Colorado. The good thing was, it was beautiful where we were staying and since we were in the middle of nowhere, there weren't any paparazzis or anyone following us or questioning us. We could be normal.

We were in our hotel. He was sitting on a chair by a table in the suite, and I was sitting on the bed. We were both on our phones and not saying anything to each other. It was honestly kind of weird. We were being so quiet and we normally never were unless we were mad at each other.

"Are you okay?" I asked and he looked up at me from his phone.

"I'm pissed off." He said.

"Because they turned us down?" I asked.

"I just don't understand it. How can they turn us down? We're fucking amazing at our jobs. I don't understand." He said and I sighed.

"Jake we have the best fucking opportunity right now to do whatever we want in this town and you're sitting here worried about something we can't fix. Who cares if they turned us down? Can we go out and do something? I don't want to be stuck in this god damn hotel when outside there's beautiful mountains and sunsets. They turned us down and it's over. I just want to enjoy my time with you. I love you so much and all we've been doing is arguing. Please. Please just be the person I fell in love with." I said and he ran his fingers through his hair and drug his hands down his face. He got up slowly and he sat down next to me on the bed.

"Blaire." He sighed softly and he put his hand on my thigh.

"I can't do this." He said and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do what?" I asked.

"I can't be sober. I can't. I'm a narcissistic asshole and when I'm sober I'm not happy with myself or anything else. I'm not. It's not you at all. You're perfect and you have tried everything to help me and I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. You have no idea how much I fucking love you. I just can't be sober. I can't do it." He said softly.

"You can-"

"I can't. I'm not happy when I'm not on it. I'm not happy with my life. I'm so fucking depressed it's not even funny Blaire. I've thought about committing so many times you have no fucking clue. Please. Please. Just understand." He said.

"You've thought about committing?" I asked.

"Yes. Before you. Before everything. I've tried so hard to try and get sober, but I can't. You don't understand. It's the only thing that makes me okay. I'm not happy." He said and my eyes softened.

"I can't do it Jake." I said.

"You fell in love with me when I wasn't sober. That was the me you loved. I'm happy when I'm that way. I love you so much no matter what, but when I'm not happy it's bad. I hurt you and I don't want to hurt you. I know I don't deserve you. I'd go crazy if you left me. You're the only one that I would ever trust with my business, my life, and anything that goes on in it. I have problems that I need help with but I'm too scared and I don't trust anyone. Even if it's a professional saying they can help me, I don't trust them because I know that they won't. I know they'll turn around and give the media information of what's going on. I can't trust them." He said with tears in his eyes and I cupped his cheeks.

"No one would do that to you. You could trust someone if they were professional." I said and he shook his head.

"I can't trust them. I can't trust anyone." He said and he was literally having a panic attack in front of me and I didn't know what to do at all. Since he had became sober, he had been the lowest I had ever seen him. I just knew he put in a lot of work and I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him to stay sober. I wanted him to be healthy.

"Jake." I said softly as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was crying, not hysterically or anything. It was like a man cry. He was trying to be calm but he wasn't at all and I literally didn't have a damn clue what to do about it.

"You have been working so hard." I said softly.

"But I cant anymore and if I keep doing this you're going to find me dead. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to leave you." He said softly with his eyes softened. It was like he was begging me to understand him. He meant everything he was saying to me from the bottom of his heart.

"Jake." I repeated softly and I wrapped my arms around him. He buried his face into my neck and I held him so tight.

"I love you so much, Blaire. I just can't do it." He said.

"Okay, okay-I want you to be happy. I want you to be healthy and okay too. I worry so much about you when you're not sober. What if you get something laced? What if this kills you? It scares me so much everytime you talk about it." I said and he shook his head.

"I have a testing kit at home. I have a kit to test everything I get and I make sure it's always pure and safe. I am safe about it. I don't trust anything, I'd never trust drugs." He said.

"Can I just ask you something?" I asked.

"What?" He asked.

"You don't trust anyone or anything. Why do you trust me?" I asked.

"Because you never cared about the money. You always cared about me. Even before we were dating. You never treated me like the boss. You treated me like a human being. You always cared. I've always loved you, Blaire. That's why I fell in love with you so fast. You're the most down to earth loving person I've ever met and I don't want to lose you. I'm so sorry I've hurt you." He said.

"You're going to make me cry, Jake." I said softly as he held me and he chuckled weakly.

"I just can't do it. I promise I tried as hard as I could but I can't go any longer." He said and I literally was crying. I wiped under my eyes and he kissed my cheek.

"I love you so much." He said.

"I love you too." I said and he nuzzled into my neck.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"It's okay. I'm still proud of you."