Love And Abandonment

it's been interesting...

Instead of asking pete what's wrong, I just walk through the door, and down the hallway. Hero sort of just follows me, but stays a bit behind me, I think things are getting weird between us because that car ride was exhausting, and all the more awkward. Before I could adress this an angry looking pete waltzes in, and plops onto the couch without saying a word.

"You okay there mate?" Hero says concerned.

"Not that it matters to anyone, but no, I'm really not "okay" not one fucking bit "mate." He says a little to hostile, making hero feel seemingly awkward, and for a second a wave of concern flashes in his eyes, but its almost emidiatly replaced with anger.

"Ay man, don't take your shit out on me, there's very few people here who give a fuck, and I happen to be one of them so, don't make your friend count decrease by one because you want to be a fucking wanker, it's wrong, and overall its rather gormless." He says dryly,  standing up, and moving to the couch.

"Oh just shut up with your stupid british slang, not one person here understands a thing that comes out your fucking mouth." He says growing more agitated by the second.

The look in petes eyes wasn't that of anger, you can see that he was just unhappy, almost as if he just wants to cave, but just can't.

"You know what davidson? You're just a sad prick, who whines about everything because you can excuse it with your bullshit mental disorder. Having problems doesn't give you the right to act like an asshole all the time, it's almost as if you came up with your own set of pathetic little laws to follow, and one of them is to shut everyone out, and treat the ones that actually stay like utter shit. Grow the fuck up mate because you're losing every last one of us, just like you lost ariana, and just like you lost cassie." He says so bitterly that it made my stomach turn, that was a bit harsh. Pete just stands there with this clouded look behind his eyes, and looks as if he's begun to falter, simply just giving up.

"Oh what? Nothing to say? Why? Can't I have some fun being an asshole right back?" He says egging him on even more.

"You're right, there's nothing to say" pete says so dryly it pulls on my heart strings just a little, hero's being an asshole, Pete's obviously just upset, seems like he's going through a lot.

"Oh am I? I'm suprised you could stop being a self centered prick long enough to admit that" hero says still fueling the already lit fire that is pete, but oddly pete just sits there taking in all the harsh words hero has to say, almost as if he's owed it in some way.

"Hero fucking stop it, I understand he was being a bit of a dick, but it's fairly obvious he's got a lot going on, I mean can't you see he's upset? Oh, and speaking as someone with multiple disorders, you're right, they don't give us the right to act like we're allowed to treat others poorly, but it doesn't help when people expect us to act as if we don't have them. It's hard controlling the anger, or anxiety, or depression, and so much more, we're expected to just hold it in because we have to meet society's standards, but it's really fucking hard when you're fighting an endless sea of demons inside, and no one gives you the chance to get them out into the air where they can be brought to life into reality, and freed from your mind. So hearing you talk as if it's so fucking simple makes you just as "gormless" as you claim he is. Don't treat him like that because he had a rough day, and you got a little of the backlash." I say slightly out of breath from rushing all those words out. Hero just stands there in shock at my harsh, but truthful words.

"Bec you didn't have to say all that, he's right....I'm pathetic, and over all wrong for taking it out on him, they're my problems, no one elses, and hero's always on the receiving end so this was long overdue"

"Be that as it may, any real friend who knows what comes with your disorders, would never treat you like that when they start to show." I say bitterly, glancing at hero with fire dancing behind my eyes, eminating from the anger boiling inside me after watching this go on for nearly thirty minutes.

"You're right bec, I'm sorry pete, but sometimes you just make it so hard to be your friend because you refuse to see that the whole world isn't against you. I'm your friend mate so, when I ask what's wrong, either tell me or say you'd rather not talk if that's what you feel. I'd rather you go about it that way, then be a wanker, and do your usual rantings and ravings" he says trying to defuse the situation a little.

"Look guys, I'm sorry, I really am. It's just ariana has been on my case ever since that post, and it makes me mad because she's only doing it for her public persona, I mean she really acts as if she cares just for the good publicity she gets when all those cameras are around, and for a minute she had me fooled, but I quickly opened my eyes. All I ever was to her was a quick way to get over mac, and an even faster way to make her look good because she's with a "troubled" guy. I guess I was charity work in a way, and it really fucking stings." And with every word that leaves his mouth, I grow more and more upset. I know I shouldn't feel so bad, but I do. I have so much sympathy for this poor boy, he's just hurting, and no one seems to really care. Hero does, but even sometimes his care wavers when he's angered, but as for me, this boy, and his beautiful smile, could spit acid at me with his tongue, and I'd take it all while watching the beautiful storm sweep me up because I know what it's like to feel that way, and he needs a friend, and in a way, i feel myself slowly starting to need him. Oh boy this weeks been hectic, it's been interesting to say the least.