Love And Abandonment

Except it's not

The memories of last night flood my mind, as I open my eyes to see the bright light of the morning sun. After my set the other day, Lauren came to my dressing room, and talked to me about a placement in the show, I guess he really did take some sort of interest in finding out what else I had to offer, and for the first time in my life, I feel that I actually do. I've done theatre, and musical arts my whole life, they were the two most influential parts of Middle school through high school, and often they were the only places I felt any sort of solice. The feeling of being up on that stage was invigorating, it gave me that sense of normalcy I've craved since a young age, and now it's slowly becoming apart of my everyday life. I know it's to early to be getting my hopes up, but it feels good to actually feel good for once. I'm so used to always seeing the negative side to things, that I forgot there could ever be a positive, I really did let my disorders take my mind captive for such a long time, without even paying the slightest bit of mind as it sunk me into the dark, but things are finally looking up, and I'm starting to see that light I've been missing for so long. As per usual, I let myself sink into my bed instead of getting up, and getting dressed. Realizing just how much of a lazy fuck I am, I drag myself out of bed, feeling the coldness of the floor on my feet. Considering yesterday went smoothly, I actually put effort into my appearance. Grabbing my clothes I rush into the shower, trying my best to keep it short, once I rinse the soap out of my hair, and off my body, I get out wrapping a towel around myself. Before even glancing at the mirror, I hurry to get my clothes on. The tight fabric of my jeans hug my waste perfectly, making my hips seem wider. After my jeans are on, I pull my belt on, following right behind with my shirt. Usually I wouldn't wear anything like this, but I have it so, why not? It's lacy material around the arms make it a tight fit, and seeing how I'm a heavy girl, it made my bust pop out the neck of the shirt slightly, and oddly enough it was flattering. Even though it looks relatively good already, I feel like it needs more flare so, I quickly head to my closest, and pull out my red leather jacket, with a small black rose on the right breast, and a couple accessories to go along, my Beanie being one of them. I pull the jacket on, and lace the parts of my wrist that you can see with bracelets, and pull on a few chokers, finally taking that glance in the mirror I've been avoiding since I woke up. It's a bit over the top for me so, I decide to not wear makeup, but overall it actually looks good. One things off though, I can't just let my hair sit on top of my head like the mop it is, so I make my best attempt at curling it. After what felt like years, it's done, and after seeing it as it's usual lifeless self, the curls make a nice change, subtle, but nice, I throw my beanie back on, and make my way down the stairs, and out the door without letting my mom know of my absence. I make the drive to my new job, and it seemed longer then yesterday for some reason. My music plays softly as I drive down the busy streets, tapping my finger to the beat of the song, mindlessly singing along. Finally I see the side of the building peaking out onto the corner of the road, and my face instantly brightens. huh, so this is what it's like to enjoy something? I get out my car, and walk through the doors passing the same mammoth of a man I passed yesterday, heading to my dressing room. When I enter, it was a completely different setting, the vanity I had was now ten times bigger, and the couch went from a small two seater, to a large one framing the wall along my vanity. A few things were added that weren't there before, consisting of a few closet's, and a name plate on my door that I didn't notice until now. It looks amazing, but why did they do this? Pulling me from the new found curiosity I've gained, I hear the creaking of my door opening.

"Like it?" Pete says entering my room.

"Absolutely, who did this? Why'd they do this?" I say almost excited.

"Lauren had a few crew members set it up considering he'll be working with you a lot more." Pete says with a small smile, almost as if he's masking some sort of excitement.