Finding Meaning

Chapter 18

It was at this time that Jon and Hadasaphorus realized they had to do something. They had to advertise what was, essentially, a new religion. And they had no evidence for it. But then Hadasaphorus remembered the Zaxath.

"Thank Satan for this." Hadasaphorus joked, pulling up the Zaxath from his pocket. "This can be proof."

"What's a pocket watch going to do?" Jon asked.

"This is the Zaxath." Hadasaphorus said, opening the pocket watch to remind Jon of its structure.

"Riiiiiight." Jon said. "Sorry, it's been a long day."

Hadasaphorus noticed Jon's cheap-looking, dirty corporate-assigned uniform. "Oh, aren't you supposed to be at work, right now?"

"You sound like my boss. Fuck work."

"Fair enough." Hadasaphorus let out a little chuckle then moved his right hand as if to signal 'Let's go.'

As Hadasaphorus and Jon were walking down the hill, Jon looked back for a moment. He felt guilty. "It's a shitty job anyways." He told himself. As they went down the hill, Jon noticed one of the windows of his workplace. In the distance, his boss was sitting on one of the chairs, facing the door in the office. Jon let out a little frustration, flipping off the building and, by extension, his boss, Jeff.

"I still can't believe I murdered somebody." Hadasaphorus broke the awkwardness between them. "I feel so bad."

"I have an idea." Jon thought. "Let's get high one more time before we get started. Three hours, let's do it." Jon grabbed the pocket watch from Hadasaphorus's hand, set the timer, and began staring at its light.

And, so, they did.

Hadasaphorus's third high was felt with relief. Relaxation is one thing, but every touch to his skin felt pleasurable – like an orgasm. He decided to lie down on the hill they were initially climbing down to look at the clouds. Simple enough. Hadasaphorus let himself flop onto the grass like a tired parent collapses on their bed after a long day at work. Jon joined him, as well – for real this time. The clouds moved against the light blue sky with such fantastic fluidity that, coupled with the high, was beguiling. As Hadasaphorus looked at the clouds, he noticed them changing colors, flowing through the spectrum until they all landed on blue. The sky also shifted colors, ending on pink contrasting the blue clouds. It was peaceful, and nothing else mattered. Nothing but now.

Jon, technically restricted from the pleasure of Neoskizzle until he dies, had a similar experience to Hadasaphorus's. He didn't see the clouds changing colors. But, like Hadasaphorus, Jon's mind was empty. That is, until it wasn't, and the whispers started.

You are useless. You have no friends. Nothing about you is special. Your life is sad. This is your only pleasure. Why live? You should end your life. Or just, seriously what's the point in just existing and working. What are you working for? Being alive just to work more? Your life is miserable. And, deep, deep down, you know there is nothing about you that has substance. You are but an empty husk. You failed in everything you tried. Why try? Don't try. It's much easier.

And on and on...

As the whispers continued, they put physical pressure on Jon's chest, slowly contracting until he couldn't breathe.

Then, finally, release.

After the three hours passed and it was all over, Jon turned to Hadasaphorus and said, "We can't help Satan."

"No, we have to." Hadasaphorus explained. "Unless you want to be tortured forever."

"What if we started a suicide cult instead?" Jon asked.

Hadasaphorus laughed. "Why? What would that do?"

"Well, firstly, life is sort of pointless." Jon started. "But, also, I've been hearing these voices."

"Firstly, life is beautiful. Also, what do voices have to do with suicide?"

"And they tell me to kill myself."

"That doesn't mean you have to listen to them, Jon." Hadasaphorus patted Jon's back, and turned around to the sunset. It was about that time again. "Look at the magnificent sunset. How can you look at that and want to die?"

"I don't think you understand. What I'm learning is that there will be some painful feelings here on Earth. But when I die, it's eternal relaxation."

"That's a good point." Hadasaphorus said. "Seems you have an out. I'd say take it. As for me, I'm stuck helping Satan. If I don't, I'll be tortured eternally. And I don't want that."

"That's fair. But don't try too hard. This shit's got a bad side. People will suffer if they try Neoskizzle."