Never Leave Me Alone

Chapter 19

Peeta

My whole body aches as I wake, but the horrible sick feeling in my gut has left. Most of the pain I felt was gone, but feeling of that horrible wound in my leg would be gone, sealed over by a cauterized slice of a blade. I look at the way the blanket falls at the new, unnatural end to my leg and fall back on my pillow with a groan, lightheaded from just that small effort. I hear a small noise and look over to see Katniss' dark hair laying on the pillow to my left. She's wrapped up in a thick blanket facing away from me. I vaguely remember her coming in last night and convincing me that this would all be okay.

I think the last thing I remember last night was her telling me to hold onto her shaking arms through the blinding pain.

I watch her a moment, laying there so peaceful. She really had stayed last night, despite the fact that for one, we aren't married and for second, she didn't know whether I would like to find her here remembering that it was her that had convinced me to allow the physicians to go through with the amputation. I reach out to touch her just as she stirs.

A long, elegant arm reaches out from the bundle and she pulls herself up, stretching. She looks over at me and shakes her head.

"It is very impolite of you to stare at me, especially when you have no claim to what you are looking at," she carefully covers herself as she sits up against the  headboard. "Especially after having kept something this serious from me."

"You don't have any claim to my body either," I say back. "Yet you seem to make decisions for me just fine." She frowns, crossing her arms.

"Better to have you alive on one leg than six feet under on two," she replies. "You needed it gone. You would have done the same thing for me. We already commissioned a wooden leg. You'll be back on the right foot soon enough." I watch as she fiddles with the pearl on her finger and sigh, realizing what should be happening.

"Today was supposed to be our wedding," I say and she shrugs.

"It can wait til you get well," she says. "It doesn't matter to me. You've already given me all the benefits of an alliance that the marriage seals."

"You'd marry me yet?" I say. She nods.

"I could see myself being happy with you," she says. "And when I think about the life we would have, I certainly don't think about whether you have both legs or not, Peat Moss. You are a kind and generous man with a good heart and head on your shoulders." I smile at her, taking one of her hands.

"You've a kind and gentle heart yourself, Katie," I say. "Not many a princess would be as willing to care for her betrothed like this." She looks down.

"I care about you, Peeta," she says. "I wanted to be here, like you are for me so often." She gets up before turning to me. "I'll send in your servents with a meal. I'm going to go for morning mass and get dressed." 

"Okay," I say, pulling myself up into a sitting position. She walks to my side of the bed, sitting down a moment. "What is it?" She leans over and gently takes my hand, and I notice the large bruises on her forearms, probably from letting me brace myself last night.

"You can't lie to me, or keep things like this from me. I've lost too many people in my life and I can only let myself feel for you if I know what is going on. No more secrets, please?" She says softly. I nod and she leans forward and kisses me gently. "I'll see you tonight. Let me know if you're in any pain and I'll send for something to take the edge off." I give her a small smile and she leaves quietly.

A little while later, after all the morning tasks had been taken care of for the day, my brother comes in to go over rescheduling arrangements. I notice the date the secretary has in the corner and look up at him. "I've been out for three days?" Gale nods.

"You were in and out alot, but yeah, you've been dead to the world as it's said," he says. "You've got quite the woman on your hands. She's been doing everything she could to make sure you would get better. Keeping that stump clean for one. I can't imagine too many women in her position to want to serve as a nurse. But she barely left this room for the whole time. She said she promised she'd be here when you woke up."

"She did?" I ask. As much as I believed she'd of slept here, I can't believe that someone who would be as insistent on not loving me would take such, well, loving care when I threw her life so off course, let alone nurse me back to a state of health. Even her arms are marked by her willingness to help, to take some of the pain from me, her royal flesh marred a rainbow of healing bruises.

"I think she does love Your Highness," he says. "Despite her denial, she has a great care for you beyond what I've seen before, in other aranged marriages where they only tolerate one another."

"You think so?" I ask.

"Yeah, I mean, she practically tore your door down trying to get in to see you," he says. "And she doesn't let them dose you with opium for fear of addiction. Not trying to make you compliant and take control of your state. I think it shows great care on her part." I sign the various papers and lay them back in his hands.

"I will rest now," I say. "If I'm still asleep when Her Majesty returns, she's permitted to enter. I will greet her when I wake." He nods and leaves as I ease myself back into my bed again, falling asleep rather quickly.

Katniss Everdeen is a curious creature that I can only hope and pray has not only won my heart, but also given me hers ever so reluctantly.