Never Leave Me Alone

Chapter 22

Katniss

"You look so beautiful," Peeta whispers in my ear as we start for the grand ballroom of the Merchan ballroom. I smile at our joined hands and how he leans heavily on his cane as we walk. "I only wish I could properly dance with you." I shake my head and squeeze his hand. 

"There will be other dances as there have been before," I say softly. "I don't mind. I only wish to keep you safe with me. And you are."

"I was worried," He admits. "That you wouldn't be coming down the aisle. I know you care about me, but still, you seemed so unsure about this one thing for so long."

"I still can't say that I do know for sure that I really am certain of how I feel. I care a great deal for you and you truly are my very best friend," He smiles and kisses my hand.  "But I know that you love me. And that you would never betray me and that I am safest by your side. " I kiss his cheek and feel him run his thumb across my knuckles.

"You haven't had the time you need to come to a decision, " He says sighing. I notice his downcast eyes and feel my own heart breaking a little. 

"Peeta, you know this is hard," I say. "But I do care for you and I'm happy to be your wife no matter how unsure the future is. There is stability and kindness that I can find in a life with you and that is what I want. You want to make me happy and being your wife will make me happy. I am a ruler in my own right and I never would have walked down that aisle if this is not something that I wanted. " He nods and we continue to walk and are greeted triumphantly in the doorway. I let myself become outspoken in greeting people and working our way to the head table and sitting down next to my new husband.

We are served seven courses and there is a beautiful lamb stew  and chicken dumplings and all kinds of extravagant treats. I take them willingly into my flip flopping belly. I tentatively lay my hand on Peeta's knee and look up at him, a feeling of such shame written on my face for disappointing him. He glances at me and shakes his head. 

I let my hand fall and look down at my plate. This is my wedding day. Why does it feel so hopeless all of a sudden, having been so sure as I walked into that chapel? I let myself push further and continue to leave my hand on him. He doesn't remove it and I let myself move a little closer to him and kiss him gently. "Please, just give me some sign that you aren't angry at me for this. We are married. We promised to care for one another. I care about you so much, Peeta. I do love you in the way that my heart allows. Isn't that enough?" He  holds my head against his and runs his finger across my cheek to pull away a tear I had let fall. 

"I'm not mad at you, Katniss," he says. "I'm disappointed in myself for breaking our promise. That I would never ask more of you than you can give. If this is what you can offer to me, what you can say and feel right now, there is no reason for ill will or anger towards you for it. Because I love you Katie, and I never want to hurt you again."

I lay my hand up on his on the table with his and smile. "You're sure?"

"I am sure as I am that you saved my life not so long ago," he says. "I love you and never want you to feel the way you have through this dinner. Never again, Katie." I kiss his cheek trumpets sound as a parade of servants with gilded cages come forward. birds of every color and breed, two by two as though straight from Noah's ark. I look at Peeta again.

"What is this?" I ask. He smirks and looks at our hands on the table. 

"Your wedding gift," He says. "I know how you love birds, how you are my own, personal little songbird.  I commissioned for you an aviary. And here are the the feathered bodies that will fill them. 50 mating pairs of song birds, falcons, and owls. For hunting and enjoyment here in our country home." I smile and look out at them.