Sunken (a magcon fanfiction)

Chapter 19

I woke up on the couch with out penguin which kind of made me upset. I groaned and rolled over rubbing my eyes. I stretched and then got up. I yawned and walked up stairs. I poked my head into Luke's room and stepped in. I padded over to his bed and wiggled the stuffed animal out of his arms.
"Gotcha" he said grabbing my arm making me jump. His eyes were still closed buy I could see the smile creep onto his face. I squealed when he pulled on It and made me fall into the bed.
"Property of Saylor Fitch" I said flopping on the couch next to him.
"What my penguin? No I think property of Luke Robert Hemmings"
"Mom would make us share" I laughed staring up at the Ceiling.
"Yeah she would" I paused and furrowed my eyebrows thinking hard.
"Luke?"
"I hope this is important enough to wake me up at 8:30." He said, eyes still closed.
"Do you think that they're looking down at us right now and smiling at our jokes and laughing when I'm focused on my phone and I walk into a wall"I bit my lip and played with my fingers.
"What're you talking about Saylor" Luke said finally opening his eyes and looking at me confused then worried.
"Ya know. Dad and Sky. What do you think it's like being dead" I said imagining heaven.
"You're scaring me" he propped himself up on one shoulder staring me down.
"Just answer the question Luke" He hesitated and then began to speak slowly.
"I think that you don't have to worry about anything up there. You don't have to worry about the life you didn't live or even the one you did. You know that everything's gonna be ok. You look down and watch your favorite people. Maybe you can meet Michael Jackson or maybe not. All you have to think about is how much better it is up there. I don't know what I believe but I know for a fact that it's better up there" I tuned in my side to look at my cousin in the eyes.
"I just wish I knew what made her do it" I said looking him in the eye.
"I know say. I know"
~
"Oh my god guys. I don't even know what I'm gonna do without you. I'll miss you so much" I said pouting at the boys. I hugged each one of them lingering at luke.
"Hey we'll be here. Pop by whenever. Oh and remember that the phones always on." Ash said Giving me one last hug.
"Bye boys. Love you lots" I said waving at them as I walked towards my grandmas car. I opened the front seat door and got in. I was sad to leave them. Those boys made me so happy.
"Hi honey" my grandma said as I threw my backpack on the back seat.
"Hi" I sighed buckling.
"I know you don't want to leave them but you'll see them again I promise. I watched them disappear out of the window as we drove away.
"Where're we going"
"It's up to you. Do you wanna go home or go to my house" she said behind her sunglasses.
"Home. I want to sleep in my own bed" I sighed going on my phone.
"Alright. You want a night to yourself. I can leave Toby and gramps to do their thing" she said. I laughed and nodded.
"Here let's turn this on" she said pressing the button on for the radio. I flipped it to the right station and leaned back. I stayed silent the way back. There was something I left at that house. My happiness? No I can be happy without them. Maybe it was just a feeling. The fact that something bad was gonna happen today. I would just have to be extra careful I guess.
"You want me to come in?"
"Huh?" I said looking up at my house.
"Uhm no thanks. Thanks for everything this weekend Grammy. I love you"
"Oh anytime. I love you to Saylor. I'll see you tomorrow"
"Ok bye" I said grabbing my backpack and running inside. I grabbed the key from beneath the rock I always hide it under and unlocked the door. I set my backpack down on the Chair and walked up stairs. I was extra tired today. I leaned my elbows on the counter and put my head in my hands.
"Hey" a voice said behind me. My head flew up and I grabbed the closest sharp object next to me. I turned around with a butter knife in my hand, pushed against the counter.
"A butter knife is really gonna hurt me Saylor" Sam laughed at me putting Mavericks down on the ground.
"Oh shut up. You scared me." I put down the knife and knelt down next to my dog.
"He was a good puppy. Good enough that mom wants one" Sam said.
"I've done my job well then"
"Yeah well I only came to drop off the dog. I have business at Walmart" Sam said. I rolled my eyes and stood up.
"Well thanks. Tell Ryder I said hi" I said hugging him.
"What was that for"
"I like hugs. I'm a hug dealer not a drug dealer" I said pulling away.
"Ok bye Say"
"Bye" I said watching him leave. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and went on Twitter. I decided I wanted To make a video because what the hell I'm bored and home alone. I walked down stairs and grabbed my backpack. I put on shorts and a crop top, my usual and set up my camera stuff. I unpacked my backpack and took my pills. I put the bottle behind Me on my bed and grabbed my phone. I got up and plugged my laptop into the camera and started the video.
"Hola guys. I never recorded by myself and I feel kinda lonely right now. I always have someone in the room with me. But I'm home alone and I decided since I was so bored I'd just go ahead and make a video because why not. Actually maybe I'll call Ryder. Hold on lemme go see if he's home because I can usually see him through the window. I know I'm such a stalker." I said getting up and walking to my window. My rooms on the second floor so is Ryder's. Our rooms and right across from each other's.
"I can't see him" I said pressing myself against the glass.
"I'll just call him" I said sitting back on my bed and grabbing my phone. I clicked Ryder's contact and put it on speaker. It rang twice then a tired voice came on the line.
"What" he said.
"Someone's chipper today" I said smiling at the camera awkwardly.
"What do you want" he groaned. I looking over at his window. He was sitting on his bed glaring at me.
"I'm lonely so you have to come over and record with me"
"You're recording right now aren't you" he said.
"You know me to well"
"Fine I'm coming"
"I love you Ry Ry" I smiled cheekily.
"Whatever" he said hanging up. I stood up opening my window to yell at Ryder who was running out of his house shirtless because that's what Ryder does.
"Wear a shirt" I yelled.
"Ugh" he groaned turning around. I rolled my eyes and sat back down on my bed.
"He was gonna come over here without a shirt" I said.
"Anyways. Today I'm doing the-"
"I'M HERE" Ryder said jumping onto me.
"Jesus Ryder" I said pushing him onto the floor.
"Not nice" he said laying on the bed next to me. I patted his head and then grabbed my phone.
"As I was saying... Today we're doing the 20 Random Facts Tag. I'm pretty sure I'm making that up but ya know what, it's my new video"
"Sassy" Ryder said pointing the remote at my flat screen.
"Mute that. I'm tryin to make a video" I said as Ryder flipped to Disney.
"Really Disney" I said raising my eyebrows at him.
"The Frozen Sing-Along is on. Shut up" he said.
"Whateva. Ok so actually it's more like a random question and answer tag. I asked you guys with the hashtag #randomq&atag and I've got my favorites right here" I said waving my phone at the camera.
"Get a move on" Ryder said.
"I'm gonna sit on you" I said hitting his head.
"Have fun with that" he smirked at me. I smirked at him.
"ANYWAYS, first questions from Hayley and she asks, 'what is your favorite season' ok let me start out by saying that in Long Beach it feels like summer all year but we do go to Tahoe every winter to go skiing and all. With that said, my favorite season is probably Winter because my birthday and Christmas and everything"
"Oh my god" Ryder squealed next to me.
"Shut up Ryder" I said punching him again.
"Ah saylor loves me" he said wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I don't know how I put up with you" I said.
"You love me"
"Next questions from Lilly. And she asks, 'Where were you born?' Ok this is kind of a long story that I haven't told anyone. Not even Ryder knows," I said rubbing Ryder's scruffy head. His gaze was glued on Elsa and Anna.
"Ok so when my mom was pregnant with me, they went to Australia to visit my dad's mom and my cousins and everything. So on the date of February 8th, 2002 at 9:05 AM, my mom went into labor with Skylar and I. So technically I was born in Australia in the same hospital as Luke Hemmings"
"Really?" Ryder looked up at me surprised.
"Yeah. We were 2 weeks premature. So if Sky and I were on time we would've been born back here in the States" I nodded.
"OMG OMG OMG" Ryder said looking back up at the tv and turning the sound up super loud.
"тнe ѕnow glowѕ wнιтe on тнe мoυnтaιn тonιgнт
noт a ғooтprιnт тo вe ѕeen
a ĸιngdoм oғ ιѕolaтιon
and ιт looĸѕ lιĸe ι'м тнe qυeen
тнe wιnd ιѕ нowlιng
lιĸe тнe ѕwιrlιng ѕтorм ιnѕιde
coυldn'т ĸeep ιт ιn, нeaven ĸnowѕ ι тrιed
don'т leт тнeм ιn don'т leт тнeм ѕee вe тнe good gιrl yoυ alwayѕ нave тo вe conceal don'т ғeel don'т leт тнeм ĸnow well now тнey ĸnow
leт ιт go leт ιт go
can'т нold ιт вacĸ anyмore
leт ιт go leт ιт go
тυrn away and ѕlaм тнe door
ι don'т care
wнaт тнey're goιng тo ѕay
leт тнe ѕтorм rage on
тнe cold never вoтнered мe anywayѕ
ιт'ѕ ғυnny нow ѕoмe dιѕтance мaĸeѕ everyтнιng ѕeeм ѕмall
and тнe ғearѕ тнaт once conтrolled мe can'т geт тo мe aт all
ιт'ѕ тιмe тo ѕee wнaт ι can'т do
тo тeѕт тнe lιмιтѕ and вreaĸ тнroυgн no rιgнт no wrong no rυleѕ ғor мe ι'м ғree
leт ιт go leт ιт go
ι aм one wιтн тнe wιnd and ѕĸy
leт ιт go leт ιт
yoυ'll never ѕee мe cry
нere ι ѕтand
and нere ι ѕтay
leт тнe ѕтorм rage on
мy power ғlυrrιeѕ тнroυgн тнe aιr ιnтo тнe groυnd мy ѕoυl ιѕ ѕpιralιng ιn ғrozen ғracтalѕ all aroυnd and one тнoυgнт cryѕтallιzeѕ lιĸe an ιcy вlaѕт
ι'м never goιng вacĸ, тнe paѕт ιѕ ιn тнe paѕт
leт ιт go leт ιт go
and ι'll rιѕe lιĸe тнe вreaĸ oғ dawn
leт ιт go leт ιт go
тнaт perғecт gιrl ιѕ gone
нere ι ѕтand
ιn тнe lιgнт oғ day
leт тнe ѕтorм rage on
тнe cold never вoтнered мe anywayѕ" we both sang at the top of our lungs. I'm not sure how but I was sitting on Ryder like a horse. I know what all you dirty minded people are thinking because I'm one of you. No it's not like that.
"Anyways." I said muting the tv and looking back at my camera.
"Sorry about that" I said not moving from Ryder's back.
"Next question from Juliana, 'do you like pickles' I don't mind them. Those are vegetables I think" I said.
"Duh" Ryder said.
"I'm gonna ignore that. Ok this ones from Dani, 'can we be best friends'. Absolutely" I nodding.
"I'm gonna ignore that" Ryder said mocking me.
"Ok. Next questions from Julie, 'when're you coming to Italy?' Oh my god I'm so excited. I'll be in Italy in June or May I think for a vine event. I'm so excited to see all of my Italian fans."
"I'll miss you" Ryder said.
"Ahhh Ry Ry. I'll miss you too" I said flipping down so I could see him, our noses touching. He gave me the puppy eyes. I kissed his nose and then flipped back up to see the camera.
"I know all of you are awing at our best friend cuteness. I love you guys. What question are we on? Six ok. From Tammy, 'who's your favorite band' ohh that's a hard one. No it's not ha. 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER" I screamed.
"In my ears" Ryder said.
"Yes they're angelic voices are in your ears." I said.
"Next question" Ryder said.
"From Penny, 'what countries are your family from?' Ok that's really easy actually. I'm half Australian, my dad was actually born in Australia, and I'm half British" I said.
"A deadly mix that created this monster that's on top of me"
"Hey I may be a monster, but I'm your monster."
"That's true. You are my little monster"
"Again you're awing at the cuteness. The next questions from Kelly, 'is this gonna be in you're video? No"
"From Caroline, 'do you know who Charlie XCX is' yeah. And I'm so excited that her song is in TFIOS. Speaking of TFIOS Gigi asks, 'is Ryder gonna come see the fault in our stars with you?' Hell yeah he is"
"I never agreed to that" Ryder said.
"Yes you did. Just now. Telepathically. Ella asks,'do you like Lana?' Yeshhhhhhhhhh"
"Jordan asks, 'who's you're favorite member of 1d?' Niall. Amber asks, 'who's you're favorite member of 5SOS?' Lukey and Ash and Mikey and Cal. I can't choose. What am I on? 11? I'm going with 11. I'm not saying names because this is gonna be a pain in the ass to edit. What's your favorite show? PLL. What's your favorite food? Cant choose. Is Ryder single? Ryder?" I said pulling his head up.
"Yes" he said.
"What was your first concert? Imagine Dragons. Are you going to the Billboard Music Awards? Yes and I'm so so so excited. When was the last time you saw Nash? End of March. I miss you Nashy." I said sticking out my bottom lip.
"Is your dog gonna be in this video? MAVERICKS" I called. I heard his claws putter down the hall.
"Yay mavericks" Ryder said as I rolled off of him to grab my puppy.
"Will this be you're 20th question? I think so" I said as Ryder lifted my dog out of my lap.
"You're the cutest puppy ever" Ryder said. It was cute how good he was with pets and kids.
"Ok. This has been another one of my completely pointless videos all though you did get to find out a bit about who I am and where I come from and you got to see Ryder and I sing. Anyways. Subscribe to be notified when I post a video. That was a total Nash thing to say. I miss you buddy. Anyways. I love you guys. See you next week." Covering the lens with my hand and turning off my camera.
"That was fun" I said putting my happy puppy's tummy.
"I love your dog" Ryder said.
"I know. Hey I've gotta edit this. You can go warm up pizza from a few nights ago."
"Finnnnnne" he said. I grabbed my laptop and started to edit it.
~
Three hours later Ryder and I were rolling down the hill on Penny Boards. I stopped at the bottom and sat on it. I laughed at Ryder's joke and unlocked my phone. The second I saw the picture I dropped my phone. My hands flee to my mouth and my heart started beating way to fast to be healthy.
"What" Ryder said smirking at my reaction. When he saw I didn't laugh he picked up my phone, worried.
"They found out. How did they find out" I said letting the tear fall to my lap.
"Saylor it's okay" Ryder said standing up and hugging me.
"How could I be so stupid Ryder."
"It was a mistake"
"Everyone makes mistakes"
"Not like this. Ryder I knew something bad was gonna happen. I could feel it in my gut.
"Saylor everyone has secrets. It's ok to have secrets" he running my back. I pushed him away and started to run home. He caught my arm and pulled me back.
"Saylor, what're you gonna do?" He said seriously.
"I don't know Ryder. I don't know! They're weren't supposed to know about this. What's next? They'll find out I cut?" I said grinding my teeth together. Ryder dropped my hand and took a step back.
"Y-you what?" He said starting to walk off, tears brimming his eyes.
"No Ryder. No don't leave. No" I said screaming after him. My cheeks were soaked and my body was trembling. I didn't try to chase after him. The slam of the door and swish of my curtains confirmed he didn't want to see me. I cried harder walking up the steps of my house and slamming the door. I ran down the hall and collapsed on my bed, shaking. I rolled around beating myself up for what I had done to myself. Then I read through mean tweets and cried harder. Pacing around my room, I picked up my phone again.
"Hey it's Ashton. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can" then there was the need. The beep I didn't want to hear.
"Ash... Ash how did this happen. Why? I didn't want it to. Help me ash before I do something in GONNA regret. Ash please I just. I don't want to" I hung up the phone and dropped it on the ground. That's when I decided to do it. I pulled open drawers throwing things at the walls. My hand hit the plastic box and I smiled a sick, sad smile. I popped it open and pulled off my bracelets off. The sharp, slick metal touched my skin. I hadn't missed that feeling. I hated this feeling. I slashed the blade over and over again. There was a pool of blood and tears on the floor. I touched the blade to my wrist one last time and pushed down hard. I gasped in pain and everything began to blur. Then black.
~
I woke up with a pounding headache and the sickening sound of the heart monitor. I groaned and tried to block the bright light out with my hand but it hurt like hell move. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at my bandaged wrist.
"Mom?" I called softly.
"Oh my god" she said from a corner. I was confused. Why am I in the hospital?
"Mom what happened. I don't remember anything" I said rubbing my forehead with the palm of my hand.
"She's awake?" A familiar voice said on my right.
"Cameron?" I said blinking and trying to lift my other arm. I gasped in pain and my eyes burst open. My right wrist was bandaged tightly and was throbbing as I lifted it up. I licked my lip and looked around the room. I was still confused why all my friends and family were standing around me in this white hospital room. My mom and brothers stood with Nash, Cameron, Hayes, Taylor, Matt, Luke and Ash.
"Hi..." I said in a small voice. I watched the expressions change on the boys' faces.
"Oh Saylor, you're awake. I'm Doctor Hathman this is Dr. Kelly, she's gonna be your counselor"
~
A week later I was packing my bags to go to the treatment center in Malibu. Our house had been complete chaos since I had gotten back from the hospital. Not only were all the boys staying over all week but friends had been popping in and out at random times. I sighed and zipped the rest of my suitcase up. I hadn't been allowed to be on the Internet Since that day. I sat back down on my bed and looked down at the 6 stitches on my wrist. My fingers pranced across them until I heard someone clear their throat above me. My head sprung up to meet Ryder's huge brown eyes. He hadn't left my side since I had gotten home.
"Hey. Your mom said you needed to take these" he said extending his hand to me.
"Thanks" I squeaked swallowing the tiny blue pills.
"So you're all ready?" He said softly sitting down next to me.
"Y-yeah" I knew it was for the best that I go and get help. I would've been dead it wasn't for Ryan. He came home and heard me collapse. He found me passed out, my wrist in a pool of blood.
"I could've stopped this. It's all my fault" Ryder wouldn't stop blaming himself for what had happened.
"It's for the best Ryder. Plus it was my bad editing that made things turn out the way they did. It wasn't your fault"
"I should have been there though" he said. I was starting to get annoyed at him for blaming himself.
"just shut up Ryder. You didn't do anything ok? I'm tired of everyone feeling bad for me. I'm tired of you feeling bad for you. Just shut up. I'm tired of hearing it" I said standing up and storming out of the room. I didn't try and control myself. I found myself on the balcony staring out at the ocean littered with the stars reflection. I heard the sliding glass door open and a pair of feet step onto the terrace.
"They says it's only a month" I stared at how the water peacefully lapped against the sand.
"You know it's all up to you" Taylor's voice said. I turned to him and leaned back on the railing.
"How"
"If you truly want to get better then you will do anything to make yourself feel better. I know you believe that Saylor." I don't think I had ever seen Taylor this serious.
"Everyone hates me now" I felt the hot tear slide down my sheet and fall onto my arm.
"That's not true. Majority of your fans care about you and totally supportive. Of course there going to be those people who will find anything to make you feel like shit. You just have to remember that we're here. And we always will be." He said pulling me into a hug. There's something about Taylor's hugs. They way he always smells good and makes you feel safe and protected. There's just something about him.
"You promise Taylor"
"I promise"
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
I MET TAYLOR YESTERDAY AND HE WAS LITERALLY THE SWEETEST KID EVER. OMG I CRIED AND WOW HE JUST...
I will have another chapter soon. I promise. I've just been really busy with Nutcracker Rehearsals and dance and like it's just a lot I'm sorry. Byeeeeeeeee