Back To Where He Wants To Be

Natasha's Breakdown

Note: This chapter is dedicated to Natasha

"She did what?" Maria asks tilting her head half believing what she just heard.

Clint offers her a drink before throwing himself on the couch, sitting beside Laura with a sleeping Nathaniel on her lap. "Surprising right? I thought Black Widow would be harder to melt, but I guess America's Ass is an exception.", Laura gave him a nudge on his side. Clint wraps his arm around her and his other hand caressing Nathaniel's head that's resting on her lap.

"Well, I can't really blame her." Maria admits.

Natasha crosses her arms in front of her, Lila standing beside her, "Are you really gossiping about me in front of me?" emphasizing the first 'me' in her sentence.

Maria slouches in her seat shifting her gaze to her for a moment, "But really, I thought you'd go mad and take James right at that very moment...", titling her head on the side, "but you actually gave him a time to play with... his son.".

Natasha now sitting down in the dinning area with Lila braiding her hair. "I don't see problem in it." she says shrugging her shoulders.

"If there's no problem in it then why don't you tell him the truth." Lila comments. Natasha turn to look up to her, "Lila, honey, it's not that simple..." she grins as to change the topic feeling like she's still young for this conversation, "Why don't you go and play with Cooper outside? Make the most out of school break.".

Lila tying her hair as she finished braiding it, "I'm not a kid anymore... you should stop thinking like you need to divert the topic auntie Nat." She puts her hands on her waist to make a point, "And besides, I prefer shooting arrows than sweat off trying to chase a ball."

Clint smiles at that, "Thats my hawkeye..." he says proudly, "why don't we go for a round instead?". Lila excitedly agrees to her dad. Soon enough they went out leaving the three woman and a sleeping Nathaniel inside.

"Nat... I'm just happy you're making progress." Laura says.

Natasha went to join them in the living room when Maria starts to recall her early months of pregnancy. "It feels like yesterday when I first saw you break down." she shifts in her seat trying to get a comfortable position, "I never thought Black Widow won't be a match for a pregnant woman's hormonal changes."

Laura smiled at the thought. It was one night when Maria visits Natasha who's living at the Barton's at that time when Natasha suddenly went from being furious to emotionally breaking down. They figured Steve went to the compound again trying to get Wanda to give him her location, it reminded her of the first time he did it.

Natasha was angry, it's her first time letting it out for someone to hear. "He left what he had for the woman he had lost for years longer than I could ever live." she started pacing in the small space of the kitchen, a glass of water in her hand stopping to drink from it and try to calm her nerves down. "And now what? he's been looking for me?", setting the glass and holding on to the countertop to support herself. "What for? Wanting me back? Trying to apologize, to explain himself? Or to see what have I become after he left.".

Clint, after setting young Nathaniel in his bed, went to check on Natasha after he left her on the phone with Wanda not too long ago. Being the first family she had since leaving her dark past, kinda give them a connection that somehow let's them know when one of them needs the other the most— well he did know Natasha needed him after the first snap but he was also at his worse that time, living in guilt of having survived while his wife and kids were dusted. The regret of not having anything he can do about it, regret of not being there to fight for the chance of stopping Thanos while all his team (despite being retired) was giving their lives to win the worst war in history. The anger towards the unfair fate his innocent family got when there are people who deserves to get dusted yet still living. He did check on her, making sure she at least survived the snap and once he saw her, though emotionally not looking so good either— it was enough for him before he turns to his dark side.

Though the Black Widow in her never allowed her to break down, having an unfamiliar hormonal change in her body made Natasha shed tears. "He made his choice..." silently shedding tears, having her back face them so no one would see. "...despite me standing in front of him just before he went to return that damn tesseract.".

None of them tried to say some soothing words to her, though Laura being the only one who experienced pregnancy understands her pain a little deeper, slowly stood beside her to give her a comfort of a  friend, a family, a mother. Placed her hand circling around her back as all of them just remained silent and all ears ready to listen, without any judgement.

She continues, "I know I told him he could decide for his own, that I'd understand... but..." she swallows a lump of emotions hanging on her throat, "but I secretly hoped he'd chose me." Laura shed a tear hearing the same desperate hope she once had, that kept buried deep down her —never able to let it out, until now.

Clint was standing from a distance sharing her heartbreak silently, holding on his own tears. He had seen her at her worsts but each situations are painfully different on their own.

Maria who has grown close to her, also in silent pain seeing her break down for the first time since they've know each other and worked together. She has always shown her her though side, which she admires so much but its the first time —despite being one of her closest—, to see the fragile side of Natasha Romanoff.

"Breaking down just shows your still human despite your past, Natasha." Laura states, she's always been trying to convince her with that truth.

Natasha smiled sweetly, "I know, I've long admitted that ever since I got James.", she teasingly raised an eyebrow at her, "So you, along with everyone should stop stating that fact already.". She lays down on the half part of the couch, "It's not like I'm going to forget about it if you don't keep reminding me." she grins at them, knowing she has long embraced the fact that she's not a monster after all.