alive

for snowy days

unedited

-

Tori and I sit in her moms car today for lunch. I lean back and watch the first blizzard of the season as Tori munches down on a bagel.

"We ever going to talk about you an Ansel?"

I sigh and keep watching the snow fall. "Thinking about him stresses me."

"Hm."

The silence returns.

"I broke up with Leah," Tori says and I snap my head in her direction.

"What?"

"Yeah. We have been having issues for months now."

"I had no idea."

"Yeah we don't talk much Reid. You avoid socializing."

"I- well yeah I do. I'm sorry I just hate sitting with a group in the caf."

"Thats fine. Still, I would like to make plans to go out for dinner and chat? Is that good?"

I smile lightly. "Yes I can do that."

"Okay." She smiles back.

"Anyway, what was happening between you two?"

"I don't know. She was always around Jaiden, you know my friend you met her first week of school. Anyway, I got curious, she got mad I didn't trust her, which I did. Then as soon as I met Stacey, Leah called me vindictive and said I was hanging out with Stacey in spite."

"Oh," I say.

"Yeah. Relationships are bs."

"Tell me about it."

"If it makes you feel better, I'd prefer not to sit with the others anymore. You've gotta show me some of your hidden lunch spots."

"Okay but Ansel knows them all and occasionally joins me with homework problems."

Tori smiles a toothy grin. "As much as I hate the guy, I'm starting to not mind him. He can be nice I guess. His mother and sister are sweethearts, his father however..."

"What about him?"

"His dad is an asshole. The mom doesn't put up with his shit so it's not like he's abusive but she still didn't divorce him so the two live miserably. He's impatient with Emily and hard on Ansel."

"How do you know all this?"

She shrugs. "I've been going to school with him since kindergarten. Plus our dads used to be friends so occasionally I'd see Ansel but it was always awkward as kids."

I nod my head.

"So, I guess he takes after both of his parents. I always just thought he was like his dad."

Sometimes I wonder how much I take after my dad. Then, sometimes I really don't give a shit.

"You and Stacey seem to get along well," I say switching the subject back to her. Neither of us really seem to be in the mood to share about pathetic relationships.

"Yeah I guess," Tori sighs. "I mean I do like her but she's not Leah." I frown to myself as I continue to stare outside. "And I know she likes Jaiden and I shouldn't waste time being sad but I can't help it."

"Tori, if there's anyone out there right now who knows that, it's me. I hate having a stupid crush. Ansel, Ansel, Ansel. Ugh."

"We are dramatic gays," Tori laughs lightly.

"Sad dramatic gays."

"We should make a band and name it that." She laughs lightly which causes me to smile.

We sit in silence again. Both of us either thinking about how sad we are or the person we hopelessly miss. 

"You have a chance though," Tori says. "Leah and I are done and that's that. You and Ansel could be something." 

I snort for a reply.

"Please. He thinks he's as straight as they come."

"I don't go around kissing boys, I don't just see a guy and say hey want to make out. You don't do that unless you want to. Ansel is just so stuck up in his own head trying to be perfect or whatever the fuck."

"Still won't happen."

"Whatever, I told you this before and I will repeat it, I need a project so your relationship will be my new project to cover up the fact that I don't have one."

I just stare at her. "And how do you plan to do that?" I ask amused. 

"He's not half bad. I'll befriend him. We can be the three unlikely to be friends."

"This is not a movie staring some angsty misfits."

"And so I'm making it one. You gotta get up and get what you want in life." That sentence is like the opposite of depression. 

"I want to sleep, Tori. Relationships are exhausting and time consuming."

"I won't argue that but they're fun and sweet."

"Okay therapy session over, we have class."

She snorts. "I'm a free therapist. I could've made hella cash right now."

I laugh as I get out of the car and shout to her how she would be paid hourly and we only chatted for 45 minutes.