alive

for 3am chats

Ansel returned not long after he left to go downstairs and climbed into bed next to me. Now it's three am and I'm wide awake mentally cursing myself for staring at the boy sleep next to me.

It's creepy I know. But it's also comforting and I could really use comfort. 

Carsons loud snoring and Tylers squeaky mattress keep me awake.

I decide I can't stand another minute in bed so I stand up and go towards the window. I slide between the curtains and window and look at the pitch black valley that the hotel is placed in the centre of. 

I sit there for a while before the curtains move a bit and Ansel sits next to me. 

"Why are you awake?" He whispers.

"Can't sleep," I shrug. 

He silently nods his head. For the next bit we sit on the floor, staring out into the black abyss in silence. 

"Everything okay?"

"More or less."

I'm not used to talking to Ansel. Well, other than us bickering or me trying to explain a simple concept to his thick skull. 

I don't know how I feel about him being nice. 

It's weird.

"More or less isn't a yes."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just tired."

"Come back to bed. Sleep."

"I appreciate you keeping me company on the hotel floor but you will be tired tomorrow," I smile weakly at the absurdity of the situation. 

"And so will you."

"I'll be tired regardless. Go back to bed. I didn't mean to wake you."

We hold eye contact in the dark behind curtains,  on the dirty floor of a hotel room in the middle of no where. I look away. I really shouldn't be getting myself into this. Ansel would never want anything and so I just need to move past it. 

"You surely won't sleep if you're on the floor."

"No but I like to look outside. It's more exciting than a grey ceiling."

"In protest, I will stay up with you and blame you for my exhaustion tomorrow."

I groan. "Gosh. It's like I have a toddler."

He smiles. "I'm stubborn as shit."

"I'm well aware."

"Exactly and I know you're fairly stubborn as well but I plan to win so let's just speed up the process and go back to sleep."

I sigh before whispering, "okay." I am tired, however, sleeping in this place is a lost cause.

"Great." He stands up and goes back to bed. When a minute passes and I haven't moved he aggressively whispers, "Reid!"

So I get up and return to bed and lay down, where his foot finds mine and I don't move despite the whole trying to space myself from heart break but I decide I'm lonely so fuck it.

And I fall into a deep, un interrupted, sleep for the first time in ages.