alive

for those who care

UNEDITED--

A few days go by till I'm let out of the ICU and put into a normal hospital room. I only spend all my time sleeping or trying to keep my mom company because she just won't sleep.

Finally she listens to me and goes home to shower and take a nap. Of course I text her three times to make sure she got home okay and then panicked that maybe me texting her would distract her while driving.

No nurses were in the room so I just lay staring at the ceiling. A tear falls from my eye as I think about Harper. I don't even think I'm physically capable to cry again.

I just feel empty. A different kind then my usual depression, this time something permanent has happened and there's no going back.

My brain can't comprehend death. I keep thinking she'll be at home when I finally leave this place.

I sigh, trying my best not to replay the scene in my head but with the details, it's been hard to not think about it.

A car passed an eighteen wheeler on a rainy night, not noticing the bright lights from our car on the other side. Country roads maximum is eighty but we were going ninety and the other car was going a hundred.

Mom said the man in the other car passed. Only I survived, but for what?

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to get up after all this and start the grieving process and go to physical therapy all whilst I have to catch up on school work.

I can't. I just don't know how.

The nurse walks in saying I have a visitor, behind her walks in Tori.

I breathe slowly as they she walks in and stares at me like I'm a piece of broken glass all taped together.

"Reid," Tori says quietly as she quickly moves to sit where my mom has been sitting the past few days. "How are you doing?"

"Not... not good," I mumble.

"I, I'm so sorry that all this happened," she frowned. I just look down at my hands on the bed. "Do you know how long you're here for?"

I shrug. "I have three breaks in my left leg, a broken rip that nearly collapsed my lung and a sprained neck."

"You're covered in bruises," she frowns.

"I haven't really been up to see them," I say. "How bad?"

"Well, you've got a black eye, a bruised jaw, a scrape under your left eye and a few other marks."

I let out a small snort. "I'm a mess."

She smiles lightly. "You'll be okay."

"Yeah, but-" I frown at her as my voice breaks.

"Hey shh," she smiles, "don't worry about that right now. Focus on your health and getting better."

"My- my sister."

"I know. That's going to be the toughest thing to heal from but we'll be here. Ansel wanted to come by but I told him I'd have to ask you before he just barges in."

"I don't know if I want to see him," I say. "I don't need to deal with him."

"Why are you so upset with him? You haven't really spoken to him in months."

"I don't have the energy to get into it."

"Okay, another time then. Anyway, he's worried, maybe let him come say hi?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Okay," she says softly as she pulls out her phone. "I'll text him to swing by later."