alive

for the people who can always cheer you up

sorry i disappeared turns out i have bpd and i also got very drunk and cut myself rly bad and had to get emergency surgery and so typings a bitch bc i cut across my palm and my fingers like don't work anymore smh

this will be edited as soon as i have enough wifi to do so.

also have no inspo so the first part of this chapter is inspired by a fun experience i had in tenth grade

tw: weed, alcohol and suggestive crap is mentioned

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There's a lot of things I don't know how to cope with. There are things I've yet to process and so all I can do is further ignore the issue?

How do you ignore such a life consuming issue? Substances, stealing, basically fucking up more till you finally hit a wall.

I've hit that wall.

"Reid you are an adult in a few weeks, you can seriously be charged with this." My mother rubbed her temples, closing her eyes probably pretending I wasn't sat in handcuffs across from her.

"It's theft under five thousand it's not like arson," I say lowly.

"Still! You will not be able to leave the country. It'll be on your record, schools will see it."

I applied to universities but ultimately have decided to wait a bit before going because I'm not even sure I'll graduate high school at this point.

I choose not to reply.

"I cannot catch a break," she says quietly and guilt washes over me.

Truth is I don't know why I did it. Why do I steal? Why do I constantly make things worse for everyone?

After three hours of waiting a cop questions me and gives me contact information for a program. After three hours I can leave so long as I don't go on any property of the store I stole from and report to the program within 48 hours.

The car ride home is silent. Mom is beyond tired and angry because she had to leave work for this.

I can't even manage to get out an 'I'm sorry'. I just say nothing.

Finally when we've got home, mom says something. "Can you have someone over? I don't want you alone."

I nod. "We'll talk about the consequences later," she says, sounding a little more put together. She turns around and heads right back out the door, leaving me stood in the kitchen with my ticket.

Opening my contacts, I hit the first one.

"Hello Reid," Ansel answers.

"Mm hi," I grumble.

"You sound over joyed."

"Yes so long story I was arrested for theft and my mom wants someone home with me so want to come over?"

"You got arrested?"

"Mhm."

"Like handcuffed and read your rights?"

"Why are you so amused?" I laugh lightly, temporarily forgetting the pit in my stomach.

"Nothing. Just - yeah I can come over. I'll leave in ten just going to shower."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

I clean my room and text Tori.

Tori: can carson and i come over?

Me: sure
Me: where's leah?