𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐌! ( kpop oneshots )

+ CHANGKI ▎ CYCLAMEN.

𝐂𝐘𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐍:
― 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚎   𝚊𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.
― 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.
― 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐   𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜.
― 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.
― 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

❝ DEVASTATED CYCLAMEN. ❞
changki. // word count: 2,825.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

As indifferent as Kihyun could lead you to believe he was towards Changkyun, it was an undeniable fact that nobody else in the world could pull him down and make him feel as low as the younger male so often did. Not purposefully; -Changkyun didn't mean to do it, and in reality, he had no idea that he even held that sort of power over Kihyun in the first place. It was never deliberate by any stretch of the imagination, but it happened time and time again, and Kihyun simply learned to live with it. It was pointless to bring it up, because he knew that his feelings were irrational in the first place. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Changkyun never set out with the intention of hurting him. . . But as much as he understood that, it never made the sting any less unbearable.

The intentions, or lack thereof, never made anything feel less like a shot straight to his heart every time he watched Changkyun latch onto someone new, -someone that wasn't him, and in more ways than one, Kihyun knew it never would be. He was far from affectionate, miles away from nurturing, and the best he could give to those around him was solid advice (that they very seldom even seemed to follow in the first place.) It just wasn't in Kihyun's nature to be warm or inviting. . . He wasn't Minhyuk, with his warm smile and his endless spout of ability to hold said smile no matter the terrain he faced. He didn't have a bottomless supply of positivity, his heart wasn't always in the right place, and he wasn't ever to be described as someone with a warm energy.

Kihyun wasn't Hyunwoo either, with his strong presence and his ability to make every situation okay within a moments notice. He could struggle through a crisis and make it out alive, but Lord knows that Hyunwoo could jump headfirst into one and always remain standing. He could carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and every step of the way his knees would never buckle and his integrity would never falter. Kihyun couldn't even dream of doing such a thing.

Just as well, he wasn't Hoseok, with his life of the party nature and his fun loving attitude. Kihyun could never compare to the one that kept everyone laughing at all times, and though he would play along with every moment, he was never not breaking on the inside. He could never be the person who effortlessly put smiles on Changkyun's face, and though the younger male would never know it, Kihyun hated himself for that in every way under the sun.

He also hated the way that he would never be like Hyungwon, the boy who's calmness and honest answers were both feared and respected by everyone he'd ever met. There was rarely ever any guessing when it came to Hyungwon, and frankly, that's what Kihyun envied the most. He could be honest about most things, but just like every other facet of his personality, -there was a limit to how truthful he could be. Once everything passed a certain threshold, Kihyun could be expected to fall in line with everyone else, and he would refuse to stand out in the way that Hyungwon so brazenly did each and every time.

Nor could Kihyun be Jooheon, with his staggering sense of integrity and initiative. Jooheon was an innovator, the kind of person that solves problems instead of freaking out about them the way that Kihyun most commonly found himself doing. Jooheon could push through obstacles and leave them in the past, whereas Kihyun was much more prone to thinking about how they could have impacted him, or did indeed impact him, for weeks, months, and sometimes even years to come.