And I've Never Felt This Way Before (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 12 : A Simple Desire

Blue eyes.

Beautiful blue eyes.

Full lips , long blonde hair that curled and fell perfectly over her shoulders.

Her smile. A smile that captivates , slows , yet somehow puts my world into motion. When she smiles it feels as if it's just her and me. And in that moment nothing else matters.

It hurts. It hurt way more than I ever thought it could. My life was a vicious circle of one disappointment after the fucking next. They were all dissapointments , they all let me down. My two best friends had hurt me in a way that was unimaginable. Turns out even the ones who I thought were going to be there permanently , were actually the ones who ended up being the opposite. That's all they were. Temporary. I layed awake most of the night , just thinking in general. Thinking about how things had all gone to shit. I never let it show , I always pulled myself together and kept my head screwed on as tight as what I could manage. But deep down I knew , I was crushed.

I got up of the couch lazily , rubbing my back as I'd been in discomfort for a solid 8 hours already. It was only eight in the morning , and I wasn't sure if Carmen would still be here. She usually left around about this time , and it would have most probably have been me taking her to school. As I wobbled into the kitchen , stretching my stiff legs as I went along , I noticed a blue note taped to the fridge.
"Kim ,
Ash took me to school. I need to go home to take care of a few things , nothing major , my older brother just visiting with his girlfriend so my parents will be picking me up.
Don't worry about fetching me , I'll try come see you as soon as I can.
Tell your mom I said thank you for dinner last night , it was really sweet of her. Oh , and I also left your jeans folded on your bed , you didn't take them out of the laundry so I did a load for you. I made some pancakes before I left this morning , you were out cold and I didn't want to wake you so I left them in the oven away from Ash.
Please stay out of trouble , and I'll see you soon.
X Carms

I sighed as I set the note down on the counter , quickly reaching for the oven handle to reveal five pancakes stacked on top of one another , dripping in syrup and castor sugar. I smiled to myself as I helped myself to a fork full of pancakes , pulling a chair up to sit at the bar. So perhaps there was certain perks to dating Carmen. She had the curves , the hair , the almost angelic features. But she wasn't Casey. She was beautiful , yes. But she wasn't beautiful in the way Casey was.

Casey was beautiful in the way she was open-minded , how soft and vulnerable she was. She was beautiful in the way she needed me , she was beautiful because of her sense of humour and kindhearted nature. She was beautiful because of her smile , because of how real she was. It was the way she always lights up whenever she spoke about her future , explaining how excited she was for the years to come. How she would be successful and one day she'd be married - and I'd have to wear a dress to her wedding because I'd be her maid of honour.

She would annoy me for hours about the stupidest things , complaining about my lack of heels in my walk-in-closet and the one time I slipped down a bank when we went on vacation to Florida to visit my aunt. She never let it go - and a part of me knew she never would. We were only 13 then , but she was still as beautiful as what I could remember. When puberty had begun to take over and the more she grew the more she matured. She grew tall over a matter of 2 years but filled out nicely , curves in all the right places and her ever-so-cute dimples becoming an attractive accessory to her almost angelic face. A part of me had a crush on her back then , subconsciously. It made sense. It made sense as to why my skin would come alive with goosebumps and an unknown throb would erupt from inside my chest as she laughed at me , still laying at the bottom of the slope. We had gone for a walk , wanting to get away from Ash and my aunts constant bickering , for reasons unbeknown to us at the time. We stopped at the top of a hill , taking in the scenery. She was busy going on about some guy she had seen on the beach earlier and I'd lost interest. I was picking up the lose stones laying on the ground , brushing off the dirt and flinging them off the top , watching in awe as they hit the water that was far beneath us. Absent-mindedly , I'd gone closer to the edge , reaching for a slightly larger stone. As I was busy picking it up I lost my footing , letting out a yelp as I slid down and fell head first down , my knees grazing the grass that soon after became a painful case of grass burn that was treated by non other than 'doctor Rosslynd' herself. Thankfully for me there was a break in the slope , coming to a small plateau that stopped my fall , saving me from the rest of the fall down into the water below. Casey was first in shock , watching to see if I was alright. But as I got to my feet , wobbling slightly she bursted out laughing.