I let out a glitched sigh as i gazed at the water where i had just placed a paper boat on the boat glided aimlessly there just doing its own thing all by its self, I bring my hand to my cheek and wiped away an oncoming tear that just jerked to slip out and glide down my warm cheek.
I position myself so im sitting cross legged and facing the water still eyeing the boat i made.
( play song at top ) " ~Inside my heart, my feelings stay, But one by one, I'll kill them all. The way I smile, throughout the days I swallow the pain; the scars still grow, It hurts, it hurts, but I won't tell. For I knew along, that no one would, ever, notice, my pain. Your words you speak explicitly, are like a poison, killing me. I wonder if you'll ever see My heart's been torn up silently? My light is dimming, what a crime, for it won't return, regardless of time. If all I say is just a fib then I'm, I'm a lie. During the day, I'm all alone, You're gone, you're gone, but that's alright. You leave me with, a message in my heart, of the scars that will not ever heal. Your face is showing a smile at me, It's nothing new for my eyes to see. To forgive you, that just can't be For this is my hearts' final plea. I hear the words, 'it hurts inside' I wonder how I'd let that slide? "I" feel like a "clown" who can only hide from the world, Haha... haha... At this moment, I left. Liar. How am I? Liar. How come? The words you're screaming violently, Their purpose only killing me. Forgiving you I cannot see, How can I even be me? If this is want you really want, Just end my life, end of this taunt. For if all I say is a fib then I'm, I'm a lie. That's just that...~"
I look away from the boat and rub my neck before running a hand through my hair and taking in a deep breath to calm my growing nerves, I look around the darkness of trees and stars until my eyes landed on a small figure that was heading in my direction.
My breathing sped up once i realized that the small figure was Steven i tried to shape shift back to my lapis lazuli 'figure' but no matter what it wouldn't work my form glitched drastically as i decided that since my tall size wouldn't allow me to hide that i would make a run for it, I got to my feet and bolted in the opposite direction that Steven was walking in I couldn't et him see me like this.
" Mom!? Mom!? Is that you over there? its kinda dark around here!" I heard him shout but i knew i couldn't stop my pace, i quickly crawled my way into a dark spot and hugged myself into a tight fetal position.
I hear footsteps near me but since everything was covered in a thick blanket of darkness i couldn't see if it was Steven or not i hear a sigh and the footsteps stop.
"Mom? I wanted to talk to you! But, why won't you stop trying to hide from me? are you like not clothed or crying or something? Do you need some space or did i just come at a wrong time?" Steven started
" Do you want me to stay here for you or...?" He finished
"No... leave me alone...there is nothing I can do, Please...But what can I do? In this choice, I need dire help, I only know my life here...I fear change more than I fear anything. I am terrified of the great unknown...please... tell me what to do...I'm scared...Of what lies in the future. I'm scared...
Of these memories coming back. I'm scared... Of any kind of change... Of the great unknown. I'm scared... Of staying here, Yet... Where do I go? ... I'm even more scared...Of telling myself who i am..." i say as tears slide down my cheeks, i hear a sniffle and recognize it as Stevens so i force myself to shape shift into the Lazuli they know and run out from hiding and bring Steven into a loving hug.
We stay like that for a while occasionally talking it out, we leave my room hand in hand and head out to the balcony to watch the sunset together and i gave Steven the 'chat' he craved for earlier.
It was good to get that all out even if it wasn't the main 'truth' i still got something off of my chest and i feel better drained but better in a way...
