It's Not That Simple

Shan's Birthday

Happy birthday Shaan! Said Kavya cheerfully and hugged him.
Then it was Rishi's turn, he gave him a high five and clasped ‘Happy Birthday man’! he uttered.
And now, it was mine. I always used to get nervous when he was around, and I had to wish him. Even when we both used to talk, or spend some time it was him who talk, I only used to listen to him. Because I never got that courage to speak in front of him. As if I am lost in his words, my eyes were glued on his brown eyes which sometimes blink while he talks, his soft and warm palms which he used to rest on my hands in excitement while reading something or watching something.
Happy Birthday, Shan! I uttered and forwarded my hand.
Thank you! Miss Vanilla, he replied sarcastically blinking his eyes with a smile and gave me a hug, His right hand touched my rear, my shoulder his chest, I felt his warmth.
Oh My God! He hugged me. I mean,  I'm fucking so close to him, I thought to myself. Ahh, the same self-taking! Arghhh!!! Vani when you gonna get rid of this. I said to myself. While listening to myself, I didn't realize that I was gazing at him with my big round eyes.
Vani! Are you okay! Do you wanna say something? He asked me after that hug.
Huh, yes! Yes! I mean, No! Not at all. Nothing! I'm fine. I'm just good, very nice decorations, Very good! I loved it, I  giggled and spoke at the same time.
Are you sure! He asked raising his eyebrow, surprisingly.
Yes, yes! I'm totally fine. By the way, your shirt! It's actually very nice, quit suits you, I giggled again.
What the hell! What did I say! Stop overreacting Vani! I said to myself. I was screaming inside but I couldn't show them that.
Thank you! He said stretching the ‘Thank’.
He was also in shock, what the fucking I was blabbering. He must be thinking why the hell I would comment him, from when I started noticing all that. Actually, I never did that, never ever. I never said anything to him neither about his shirt nor about him. I always thought that it would show me cheap and dumb like other girls in college who used to hovering back and forth around him, praising him when he comes to our college for football game. But that day, I did that! I did what I never liked. But, he also never hugged me before. He used to kavya and Rishi but not me.
Argghh! It's a very bad start! I said to myself.
We were at Shan's home. It was his birthday party as he lived away from his family so he celebrated it with us. I never understood why he lived in that such big house alone, I mean,  he could have stayed with friends or at a 1bhk flat, there's no need of such big house for just one person. He was just one alone man in the whole house, I mean how he lived man! He didn't feel boring or alone. I asked Kavya one day about this, and she said that his parents lived somewhere in Mumbai, his father is a police officer and he kept moving but Shan couldn't due to his studies so his father bought him a bungalow to live. I still didn't understand, why bungalow but! Maybe it's the way how rich families live.

It was a great party, his other friends from college were also present. All were having great fun; dancing, eating, playing( yeah there was some indoor games like cards, truth and dare and many more). It was totally like a high-class society. I was feeling so alone, I never find myself comfortable at any party. Somehow, I manage Crew party just because there were only close people whom I know. But here, everyone was stranger except Kavya, Rishi, and Shan. I was not having a good time at all. Kavya and Rishi were enjoying as they are like this happy-friendly person.
So boring! Why I am even here? I said to myself. I wish I could go back. Our Crew party is best, only close people. Actually, this is also a private gig, it's not like the whole Kolkata is here but I am feeling like a stranger here, I don't know anyone here, I thought. Why can't, Shan celebrate his birthday only with us, we four could have enjoyed a lot, like me, kavya, Rishi, and Romil use to in our crew party. Romil! My thoughts went back to him.  Tomorrow, again, I will face him, I don't want to but I have to. I need to talk to him, I can't let him be in that illusion what he is calling love. I don't want to hurt his feelings rather I respect him but he needs to understand that what he is calling love is not love at all, it's just temporary feeling and attraction which when we will depart will change with time. He will forget me. I was in my thoughts when Shaan appeared.
Hello, Miss Vanilla! ( which he used to call me, I don't know why he called me Vanilla, do I looked like a Vanilla Ice Cream! No Vanilla is much fairer I'm not that fair. Then why did he calls me Vanilla, was it like my name is Vani so he made it Vanilla, whatever I don't know neither he told, I asked him several times but he used to say like it just suits you Vanilla!)
Aren't you enjoying the party! He asked.
Yes, I am! It's nice.
Then why are you here sitting alone in the corner with a glass of water, why don't you go dance, or play something? Look! Everyone is having fun except you, and what's this only water there are lots of drinks, go have it, he said.
No, Thanks! But I like it this way, and I don't drink so I'm good with water, I smiled.
Miss vanilla! Let me tell you that there are other drinks also other than Alcohol, which you can have, saying this he held my hand and drag me towards drink's zone. Even I don't drink! He uttered.
What! You don't drink? I asked him. Because it was quite indigestible for me that Mr. Shaan who is a Rich brat don't drink, even after he lived away from his family.
Yeah, I don't! Why? You were expecting something else, he uttered blinking his eyes as he always does.
Bro! Two soft drinks! He said to the man who was serving drinks.
No! It's not like that, it's just that... after that I went blank as I was not getting any correct reason or word to explain so I paused.
Anyway, it happens! Everyone thinks of me as an Alcoholic person in first meet, but then when they get to know that I'm not, they got shocked. I don't why but, do I look like a boozer, he asked me.
No! It's not like that you look, boozer, it's just that.. I again went blank. I don't know why I go blank in front of him, I can explain him but I can't, I'm not getting the correct way to explain him, I thought to myself.
Then what it is Vani? Tell me. He said. Why is he asking me, I thought, lots of people thought of him as like that then why is he asking me, does he want to know my opinion?
Why I tell you? Haven't you asked anyone yet, they must have told you? I said looking down taking my eyes away from his, as I always got lost in his brown eyes and forget what I was talking about.
I haven't asked anyone yet! You are the first one, he said sipping his drink.
What! I was right, I was right! He wants to know my opinion, but why mine? I thought to myself. I was feeling happy and special but at the same time, I was not sure what to say.
It's... Arghhh!! You can do it Vani, he is also a human being, why do you get so nervous in front of him, oh my god! My heart, it's beating like hell, what do I do? I need to calm myself otherwise I won't be able to speak a word.
Hooohhh! I took a deep breath then spoke, Shan! Look! You know, it's how the society thinks, you are young, rich, and most importantly you stay away from your family so it's normal that they would think like that. And look at your friend circle with whom you spend most of your time, they are drinking like there is no tomorrow, you hang out with them, so anyone who will catch you first with your these friends they would definitely think that you also drink, and last one, just look at your party, anyone who will attend your house party like this; here alcohol, there alcoholics, then anybody would think that  you drink then only you would have kept alcohols in your party. As I thought when I first entered into your party.
Oh, that's what you think? He uttered again sipping her drink. Interesting! He said raising his eyebrows.
So, Miss Vanilla! Now enough of me, tell me about you. He said.
What! You know everything. I said.
Not everything! I mean, I only know what you have told me. There's more.. I think, he said.
There's nothing more to tell you Shaan! You know what you should, I uttered.
That means, there is more but I should n't know that, he said with a sarcastic smile.
You know what! You can't know anyone completely, there are lots of things which people want to keep to themselves only and not to tell anyone. And you know what, no one has that much time or patience to indulge in everyone's life, and yes! Personal space is also there which everyone needs in their life Shaan, so don't think about it that much it's normal, I explained.
But what if I want to know you? He said looking deeply into my eyes with his hypnotizing Brown eyes.
Something happens when he looked me like that, for some time All used to stop around me.
What! I said hesitatingly.
Yes, I mean if you don't mind I would like to know you, he uttered.
What! I thought, he wants to know me. Where is this going? It was a very unique and unusual feeling for me, I was happy but at the same time, I was nervous and scared. I was scared to unfold the pages of my life to a stranger whom I don't even know much but at the Same time somewhere my heart was ready to do that, it wanted to do that.
Watching me uncomfortable, he changed the topic and said, let it be Vani! Let's talk about something else.
I don't know what happened to me that day? My hand automatically went to stop him from changing the topic and held his hand, What do you want to know Shan?. Oh my God! I never spoke like that to anyone, what I did to him was completely unusual and surprising for me, actually, for both of us even he didn't expect that move.
Okay, I mean! Are you sure? He asked me surprisingly.
Yes, I mean I can tell! what you want to know? I uttered trying to act as normal as possible.
What do you actually want, Vani? He asked.
Actual as if? I replied.
It always comes to mind whenever I look at you, that there's something that you are hiding from everyone, it's like your heart is stuck at something, he said.
It is actually your feeling, or you are copy-pasting it, I asked. There was definitely something into my drink because I was acting extremely odd that day, I was talking openly to Shan! Oh my god. Whatever it was, but I became open to him from that day, that shyness, nervousness all flew away.
No! I am asking you, it's mine only, he said.
I love writing! I like spending time with poetries, stories. I uttered, so yes, my heart is stuck at writing. But it's not like completely personal, Rishi and Kavya knows it.
Oh, that means only I'm the exceptional one, he uttered. So you write?
Yes! Daily, there's not a day went without writing anything, I said.
That's great! So when are you giving me the opportunity to read that, he said.
It's not that good, okay! You won't like to waste your time at that, I said.
Why not? I would love to read that and I am sure that it will be great, he said smiling.
Isn't it enough? Now you know, what you wanted, I said.
Not yet! He uttered.
What! There's more, I said shockingly.
It's the beginning,  Miss Vanilla! He said blinking his eyes.
Then this party is not enough for that, it will cost you your Whole night, I uttered. What did I say? I thought to myself, have you gone mad Vani! What are you saying? Cost your whole night, what the fuck? I said, to myself.
I'm ready! If you are not in a hurry to go home, he uttered.
Yes! That word came out of my mouth all of a sudden from nowhere. I was not ready, why did I affirm it then. I said to myself.
That will be fun! He laughed and finished his drink.
The party is about to over, let me see off my friends then we will talk, he said left me.
What the hell Vani! I cried, What have you agreed for? Do you even know what does that mean? Me and him only and alone in this entire house, whole night! I don't know I was over-reacting from outside or it was how my mind acted because I was feeling good inside and excited about the night. I was having butterflies inside my stomach. My heart was saying, Wow! Me and him, whole night alone here so happy. But my brain was totally disagreeing with it, it was not allowing me to do that. It was making it scary like me with some stranger man alone, whole night! What if something went wrong? Like if he did something wrong to me, or maa, papa comes to know about this? No! That can't happen. I was stuck between the war of my heart and brain, not sure whom to choose.

Don't you miss your family? I asked
We were at his balcony, holding a mug of coffee. Thank God! Kavya and Rishi agreed to stay here with me, this gave my heart a little relaxation and, my brain, a reason to agree with my heart. At least I was not alone with him if something wrong happens then I won't be alone to face it. But Shan was a nice man! He only asked Kavya and Rishi also to stay along. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable, and I was glad that he understood everything without me even saying it.
Yeah! Who don't? He replied, whoever stays away from their family, miss them, especially, if it's birthday.
He was wearing a plain grey t-shirt and black shorts and he was looking damn cute in that. That grey color was suiting his white and fair complexion. There was a round table with two chairs on either opposite side. We were sitting on that, and he was in front of me.
Why do you stay away then? I mean, you can pursue your LLB from Mumbai also. Even now there are transfer system, you can take transfer to any of the University there and that also in the same year, I said.
I like it here, I am addicted to Kolkata actually, I won't leave this place, he said smiling politely.
Oh! I took a deep breath and said, where is Kavya and Rishi? They were also supposed to join us? I asked.
Forget joining, he said and laughed, they are not even in a state of moving so they are sleeping.
How but? They promised me that they will join, how can they do this to me, I said and stood up and was about to move towards the door when he grabbed my hand.
He also stood up, Vani let them sleep! They are tired and it was our talk, you forget that! he uttered raising his eyebrow.
It was! But it would have been fun with them, I said.
We can also have fun Vani, and Relax! I won't harm you, I won't even touch you. Saying this he took away his hand.
I didn't mean that, I said.
Vani! I know what's going into your mind, and I understand your feeling of being alone with me, and I respect that. That's why I asked Kavya and Rishi also to stay here because I totally understand that staying alone with a guy at night is not safe. But trust me! I'm not like that, I just want to sit and have a nice talk, that's it, he explained.
It's not like that Rishi! I replied, I totally understand what are you saying, and I trust you but...and gave him a confused look.
Then why are you not comfortable Vani? He asked.
I'm Shan! I'm comfortable, I replied looking into his eyes.
But you don't seem comfortable, he said deeply gazing into my eyes.
Then what! We were lost and still into each other's eyes as it always happened. Then after some time, he spoke.
Vani! You know what! Let's do not do this, yeah! That will be nice. I show you your room, you can go and sleep because I don't want you to do this just because I want to do this, I want you to equally participate in this and not through force or anything but because you want to, he said.
I looked into his eyes, which was looking tensed that night. Then I said to myself, No Vani! No, you can't do this, yeah it's true that it is a little unusual but it is not wrong. Just look at him, he is being so nice with you he did whatever he could just to make me comfortable and happy. At the party, he left everyone and joined you just because you were alone. He is having your favorite milk coffee even after he like that plain black coffee, just to make you happy. He literally urged Kavya and Rishi to stay here, just to make me feel comfortable. In return, he is just expecting your little time and you are not giving him that. No! That's not good of you Vani, you shouldn't do that. It's true that whatever he did was just because he wanted to spend time with me,  there is his self-interest but he could have achieved it by force but he earned it by his behavior and good attitude. At least he made an effort to  please you, he made you feel good. You can give him at least some time.
I will give him some of the answers to his question whatever he would ask and will leave, I thought to myself.
Vani! He shook me. What are you thinking? He asked. Let's go, I will show your room.
Huh, No! I mean, let's do it. I said.
Are you sure? Do you want this? He asked.
Yes, I want. I replied.
I don't know what happens to me Vani? Literally, I mean, I like it when you are around, I like to spend time with you, I love talking to you. That's why I asked you to stay here tonight. You know, I had a very bad day today, I wanted to forget it, after all, it's my birthday so I threw a party, and thought that will help me to forget but it didn't instead it irritated me, then I talked to you and I felt good, I forgot all my tensions and actually laughed. I wanted some more time to laugh, to stay away from that anxiety. Thanks for staying Vani! It means a lot. Thank u so much, he said.
I didn't say anything, I just listened to him. I wasn't even shocked after listening to him. Maybe I was quite known to that, it was feeling like I already knew what he was talking about.
That night! we talked, we laughed, actually, we laughed a lot and loud. We got to know each other. I was a little bit scared and uncomfortable but he completely made it comfortable and threw that scare and nervousness away. I planned to leave early but I sat there for much longer. It was almost morning. We actually chatted dusk till dawn. And I won't regret it, I had the most amazing time that night.

Happy reading 🌼🌼