It Will Rain

For him

Will

My eyes fluttered open slowly. My throat felt scratchy and I still wanted to cry. I slowly sat up and looked around the small room. I walked over to the small bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked.....bad. I didn't looked just like the other kids here but I was close enough. My skin was still it's normal color but the black bags under my eyes almost made me look as sad as I really was.

My hair was messy and I couldn't comb it with my fingers because of gloves they put on me. I didn't look terrible just not good. Well good enough to my standards I guess.

My vision began to fog up as my eyes watered. I felt like bursting into tears. I was so mad, so hurt, betrayed, sad and confused. I didn't know this place. I didn't belong here. I did nothing to deserve to be here. Nothing is wrong with me. Why did they send me here? My head began to spin and I felt dizzy. I made my way back to my bed to lay down.

Even though I wanted desperately to cry; I won't let myself. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I was already weak as it is. I have had enough of letting myself fall. I need to at least pretend to be strong. I looked at my Mike teddy bear. If not for me..........

than for him.

Mike

The drive to the mental hospital was awkward. I rode with Hopper in his truck with El and.....Lonnie. Joyce did NOT want Lonnie in the car with her and Jonathan. I could tell that she didn't even want him to come with us. She didn't want him to see Will. But she didn't speak her mind. She couldn't stop Lonnie from seeing Will. Because Lonnie was Will's father and it wasn't up to Joyce to decide if he could or couldn't see him.

She simply just smiled a forced smile and kept her composure as he bought a sugar donut and ate it slowly. She asked him how he was and he rambled about how the construction is going great and how his son is playing quarterback for his school's elementary team.

Joyce didn't care and barely listened but only I noticed that. Hopper and El were listening to him; annoyed but listened. Jonathan was uncomfortable so he went to the front desk and pretended to be interested in the posters on the wall.

Me......I just sat there. Lost in thought about how Will was doing.

Now we're almost there and I'm still lost in thought. El's warm hand in mine. I didn't even noticed she grabbed it until now. I disconnected our hands and placed it on my lap. She seemed surprised by my action but I pretended not to notice. I just stared blankly out the window.

It was a warm day. Pedestrians walked around wearing thin jackets enjoying the coolness that the wind brought. The air smelt like skunk spray as we passed by a patch of trees. "I honestly do not miss that smell." Lonnie said. Hopper laughed but just like Joyce's smile; it was forced.

"So Mike, it's been awhile. How's your parents?" Lonnie asked. I took my eyes off the window and allowed them to trail aimlessly over to Lonnie who was looking back at him. "Good." I responded simply; not looking for conversation.

"Any new girls?" He asked and patted Mike's leg. El shifted a little, waiting for my answer. "Yes actually. This is my girlfriend." I said and hesitated before grabbing El's hand again. She smiled, thankful that I took her hand again because she was still sad that I had let go the first time.

"And the rest of the party?" He asked. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to know if Will had a girlfriend. I grittedy teeth together, an attempt to stop myself from saying something bitter to defend the smaller boy.

"Lucas is dating Max and Dustin is dating a girl from camp called Suzie." El answered for me. "Named." Hopper corrected. "Named Suzie." Eleven repeated. Lonnie looked confused on why El needed Hopper to correct her.

He was silent for a second. I was waiting for it. "And.....Will?" He asked finally. I bit my lip hardly. "Im his father, I should know these things."

"Girls come and go. He doesn't get attached." I answered through closed teeth. Lonnie scoffed and Hopper glared at the road ahead of him.

Throughout the time that Joyce and Hopper have been together, he's gotten closer to both Will and Jonathan. He's been more of a father to them then Lonnie ever was or ever will be. The same with El and Joyce. They really are a big family. I don't know how Will feels around El. I know it hurts him to be around her....and me.

"Sure." He said. Hopper gripped the wheel and El glanced confusingly between all of us. Thank God she was......slow.

The rest of the ride was silent and I could tell that Hopper was having a hard time controlling his temper. I could definitely relate.

Lonnie had the audacity to be the same judgemental douche he was years ago even after Will tried killing himself. He had the audacity to show up knowing that we knew he didn't care. He had the audacity to call himself Will's father.

But I kept myself calm. I bit back my anger and released El's hand. It wasn't the same holding it anymore. It never will be, because now....I've held Will's. And now holding her hand won't ever be normal again because I've held something better.

Even through all my frustration I choked it down. Not for El. Not for Hopper. Not for Joyce or Jonathan. And Lonnie? Forget it.

I did it for Will. For him.