It Will Rain

You Hurt Me But I Love You

                                                                                       MIKE

She lead through some halls and an elevator until we reached a single conference room where Will was waiting. The room was small. The door didn't have a window so it was private. The room had a green couch and the floor was wooden unlike the floors downstairs. There was a table in front of the couch with waters and snacks. 

Will was staring at the ground and when we came in he looked up. "Press the green button when you guys are done. Bye." she swiftly left the room and I stood there awkwardly. "You can sit." he said patting the couch. I took a deep breath before heading over and sitting next to him, leaving space between us. "Will, I'm sorry-" I started but he turned to me and cut me off. "No, Mike, it's my turn to speak."

I nodded and grabbed a water and took a few sips. His glove thingys were off and he fidgeted, lost in thought. His face was concentrated so I know he knew what he wanted to state but didn't know how to put it. "Look, Mike, this is hard to explain and I haven't had much time to think about what I wanted to say but what I can automatically say is that being hurt by the person you love is the worst feeling ever."

He looked at me with misty eyes and my heart ached. I wanted to cry, too. "Look, I'm sorry." he blurted and it caught me off guard. "Sorry? Why are you sorry?" I asked, confused. He was crying now and I wanted to hug him but I waited. "I'm sorry that I wasn't happy for you. I'm sorry that I was selfish. I-I just couldn't take it any longer, the pain the sadness. It was overwhelming. It was crushing me slowly. I woke up and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't live that way anymore so I decided to not live at all but I was wrong. I deserve to live and you deserve to not see me die."

I pulled him into a hug and he cried into my shoulder. He pulled away and wiped his face. "I don't think you realize just how much you hurt me." 

"What do you mean? Of course I do, and I'm sorry. I know sorry won't cut it but I am." 

He shook his head. "See? You don't understand that by saying that hurts me too. That when you're gone you're still hurting me. You have no idea about all the pain you have been causing me."

I shook my head."I'm sorry Will but I never knew how you felt until you wrote the note, I always knew you were sad but I didn't know you were this sad, I had a girlfriend okay? What was I supposed to do when I didn't even know you liked me?" I asked, I wasn't getting angry just defensive. When I dated Eleven I had no idea he liked me. If I would've known he liked me back I would've dumped her a long time but I didn't so I was with her. She was my girlfriend and he was my best friend. How was I supposed to know he wanted me to dump her when he pushed me away?

He laughed, catching me off guard. "You see? It hurts that you don't even know what you did wrong." he said and I frowned. What did he mean? What did I do wrong? "That's bullshit." I said and he laughed again. "I think you're full of shit."

We sat in silence, both lost in thought. What did I do? Got a girlfriend? I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not innocent but I'm not guilty either. He broke the silence."Sometimes I blame it on myself. I blame myself for thinking about you all the fucking time and I blame myself for not being happy for you and Jane." he stopped and wiped his face again. "I blame myself for having such a fucking wonderful friendship with you that I should be cherishing and being so happy about, which I am, but parts of me are always getting dragged down because of the way that I feel, more specifically, the fact that you don't feel that way too is always in the back of my head."

"I just don't get how somebody who said they liked me and wanted to be with me could be so harmful and toxic. In the hospital, after finally getting my hopes up and making me feel more happy than I had in awhile you went back to her. I was up when you kissed her and walked her to the door. You left me broken. And I'll always be broken even when I'm fixed because I will never again be okay to let my guard down in fear that I will be broken harder and I won't be able to be put back together."

I thought about it and he was right. I was wrong. I was guilty. What I did was dirty and unfair to him. I put my hand over his. "Will....I-I don't know what to say." 

He swallowed hard and looked over. "It's okay Mike. Don't apologize. You're right. You deserve a girlfriend." I couldn't hold myself back. I grabbed his face and kissed him. It wasn't long but passionate. I pulled away and looked into his  teary eyes. 

"I broke up with Jane."

His eyes widened and he pulled out of my arms, tears running down his face. "W-what do you mean?" he asked.

"I broke up with her because," I stopped, the words building up. "Because I love you."

Sorry I haven't published in awhile. I'm gonna try to publish more often! Love you guys and I hope you enjoyed...