It Will Rain

Finally

                                                                                              MIKE 

"Mike! Wait in the car, I have to take Holly out the bath!" my mom shouted from upstairs. I didn't respond just got off the sofa, passed by my dad on the sofa, and headed to the front door. I opened it and saw El coming up the stairs. She smiled when she saw me. "El, what are you doing here?" I asked getting kind of annoyed. She shrugged, "I want to hang out, since you know, I'm your girlfriend."

I leaned against the door frame and put my hands into my pockets, "El-" I started. "I am still your girlfriend, right?" She asked, her eyes tearing. I sighed and stepped onto the porch, grabbed her hand and pulled her in. "Mom! When you're done wait for me! I'm going to talk with El in the basement!" I yelled and didn't give her a chance to respond as I dragged El downstairs and she giggled behind me. She didn't expect what was coming.

I brought her to the couch and we sat next to each other. She was smiling and looked so happy that it hurt. "It's not you, it's me. I completely fucked up." that's what I started with because I'm a dick and haven't done this before. She pushed a curl off my forehead and cupped my face, her smile smaller and her eyes danced across my face. "What are you saying?" I grabbed her hands and moved them from my face, shaking my head. "I thought I was in love with you but it was just a lie. I wanted it to work but unfortunately I don't feel what I thought I did." I let go of her hands and she brought them to her side. Her eyes were watery and a tear slipped, "Why're you doing this?" she asked, her voice breaking. 

"I just wanted to be with a girl to hide my attraction to guys."

She let out a shaky breath and more tears fell. She shook her head slowly, "No, you don't mean that." 

I hated the fact that I was hurting her but what has to be done has to be done, and this is one of those times. "I do El, I'm sorry-" I was about to continue but she cut me off. "No, you don't. You don't like guys, you like me. I know you love me. I love you. " she cried. I stood up, now getting annoyed. "You know nothing! You don't even know me!" I walked across the basement, putting distance between us. "The fact of the matter is that there is someone that I love." I was crying now. I wasn't planning on being cruel and hurting her but it's her that made me hurt Will. This wasn't the first time I tried to dump her, she just never made it easy.

She stood up and wiped her eyes. "I don't believe you." she whispered, obviously in pain and denial. "I don't know how to make this any clearer or easier for you. I don't love you like that, El. You were just-you-you were just a cover up. Not for everyone around but for myself. I felt a need to like you and because you liked me back it made it a lot easier." 

She bit her lip, "You're such a liar, look at yourself, you're shaking."

It's true, I was. I don't know why, but I was. I did like El. A lot. But I didn't love her. I couldn't love her no matter how hard I tried. But I never wanted to tell her this way. Never in a million years would I inflict this amount of pain on someone on purpose. Wait....I did. To Will. I'm such a shitty person. "Is this why you haven't come to see me?" she asked. She sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve. "You're completely fucked up!" she said angrily. I looked around, avoiding eye contact. "Mike! Hurry up!" my mom called from upstairs. I looked at the door then back at El. She was crying harder now.

I walked up to her so that I could hug her but she backed away. "Don't touch me." she whispered. I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry El. I love you, I do, just not in the way you want me to. And it isn't your fault. I didn't choose to be the way I am, I just am."

More tears rolled down my face and I felt this pinch in my heart. "Please, understand."

She sobbed and threw her arms around my back and I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her neck. I rested my cheek on her head as she cried on my chest. "I'm sorry." I kept repeating. "I'm so sorry Eleven."