A snake in a clan.

The Room and the Cat

Cat's POV

Taylor walked me to the Hufflepuff entrance after the whole damn school heard what Quiche said. I appreciated Taylor's concern I guess, but it made me cry a little more because it wasn't her concern I wanted. I waited in the slight passage between the door and the common room while I listened to Taylor's retreating footsteps. When I was sure she was gone, I popped back out and climbed out of the basement, slipping behind a tapestry on the first floor. This tunnel usually led me right to the Room of Requirement. It did today.

The Room of Requirement was all but destroyed during the Battle of Hogwarts. But, over the years, it was slowly mending itself. Most students had forgotten about it again. I had read a lot of stuff about Hogwarts before I came my first year, because I knew the castle had a mind of its own, and I got anxious if I didn't know what was happening. That was how I found out about the Room. It was my saving grace. Don't get me wrong–I love being in Hufflepuff. I love the community and the people and the dorms. But sometimes I just need to be somewhere I know no one can check on me (or hear me).

When the Room opened for me, I could see the familiar furnishings. What I usually needed was an overwhelming amount of pillows and blankets, with a comfy bed and lots of nooks and crannies. As soon as I shut the door behind me, my orange and white Maine-coon-mix popped out from a cupboard.

"Hi, Simon." I collapsed on a pile of pillows and pulled my knees to my chest, lying on my side. Simon walked around me, brushing me with their tail before settling to rest on top of me, purring. I tried not to cry again, but it happened anyway. Snot dripped down my nose and mixed with my tears on the pillow as I blubbered to my cat.

"It's not even that Quiche would say that, like, I get it," sniffle. "But they just–" sob. "They just told me they wanted to do better! It's not the words that hurt," I wailed. "It's that...it's that...they lied to me! To my face! I said, hey, I don't wanna do this anymore. And Quiche said, okay yeah let's not! Like, let's do it normally. And they...they...they fucking lied!" I rolled over and Simon readjusted to blink at me. A box of tissues materialized and I cried even harder.

"This room is nicer to me than my own fucking partner!" My heart was doing the thing where it felt like it was breaking, splintering apart and pushing against my ribs in opposite directions. It wasn't just what Quiche had said. It wasn't just that they had lied and made me doubt everything we'd ever had together. It was also that persistent feeling that never really went away; that somehow this was still my fault, I deserved it, something was wrong with me, and this was the best I could ever have and it was still so fucking shitty. It was bringing myself down from the grand thoughts I'd had to remember that this is how things will always be for me. I will never be enough, I will never deserve something good.

"I was a fool," I stuttered out. A fool to think that being a witch could change my mundane life. That magic could hide me from myself or make me someone worth being. A fool to think I could have a future that would be happy, that I actually wanted. This is what happened when I took my dreams a little too seriously. I shouldn't have thought about having a cosy flat in London and working at Borgin and Burkes while Quiche was a curse breaker at Gringotts. I shouldn't have thought about living way out in the country where all my neighbours were other wizards and Quiche worked at the ministry and I took care of a rescue for magical beasts.

Those were stupid fantasies and I was so stupid to even think for a second that I had the ability to do either or that anyone would want to be with me even if I could. I was so stupid to think that anything could be better, or anyone could want me, or I was worth anything. I'd probably just go to Muggle university and get a Muggle job and live alone and never be a part of the world of magic because that was already so much more than I deserved. Simon, the best part of my life, pressed against my back while I cried my aching body to sleep, muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid," until I ran out of air.