vexatious (infuriating sequel)

chapter sixty

"we are really gonna drive an hour just for this?" aaron voice is clearly questionable when he hears the plans that corey just presented us with. he would be mad, seeing as he would be the one driving. "it's a christmas dinner, aaron. why wouldnt we show up for it?" jake defends the idea. i haven't seen colby all morning, but i decided against waking him up. i am terrified of what will happen once we finally face each other after spilling our emotions onto paper. i'm more terrified of the idea that he won't mean any of it anymore. that the words he said were simply drunken ones, and nothing to be taken seriously. truthfully, the letter solved several mysteries for me. it gave me an explanation as to why he's so insecure, and everything he said made sense. i am terrified that today won't go well, and we will only end up even more upset at each other than we were before.

"i think it's a good idea. we won't have a lot of excuses to all see each other at once... since we live so far out now," i back jake up. it makes sense. we live almost thirty minutes away from sam now, and even farther from the rest of the group. the idea of going out with all of them at once is only slightly terrifying, considering how our last group dinner went.

"what would the ride situation be? we can't all fit in one car," corey suggest a new question to debate. i can't ignore the sound of colbys bedroom door opening, and the bathroom door opening shortly after. i hope he isn't avoiding me.

"we could all fit in one car, it would just be cramped," aaron laughs out. i can't imagine sitting in a car with all four of these boys for an hour. i pray that whatever we do, it won't be deathly silent. i'm not sure if i can handle much more anxiety after yesterday.

"if not, it's not like we don't all have our own cars," corey shrugs and laughs.

"what time is it?" i ask, colbys absence still weighing on me. i wonder if corey is suspicious of the fact that he isn't here, since he witnessed a drunk jealousy-induced interaction last night.

"it's three," corey answers me. i don't think colby is capable of sleeping that late, especially since we've been waking up before noon lately. maybe he is afraid of seeing me, and he knows we are all hanging out in here. maybe he's avoiding confrontation because he didn't mean any of it.

"we'll leave at four then?" aaron asks, standing from his spot and beginning to back up towards his room. "sounds good," i agree when jake and corey look to me for my approval. being the only girl in the house must mean i have to order the boys around, because they seem incapable of making a plan on their own. i am not much better though, i fear that my plans won't ever suffice.

"i'm gonna go shower," jake announces, leaving just corey and i in the room.

"you doing alright?" he asks once the room falls silent and the other two boys are gone. "yeah," i shrug. i feel anxious, but corey isn't exactly up to speed on everything that's happened, so it's hard to explain how this situation makes me feel like i am a few months in the past. i don't want to have a weird questionable tension with colby, but it's not like i haven't experienced it before.

"about what you said last night... did devyn really say that?"

i blink a few times blankly before remembering that i told him about devyn and taras selective words about him. "yeah..." i trail off, not wanting to be the one to cause any sort of hurt in his heart. if he felt for her even just a fraction of the way i feel for colby, i am sure he will be upset to know that devyn talks harshly about him. i will just neglect details now so it won't get any worse if he confronts her about it. i was drunk, and i shouldn't have said it in the first place.

"devyns the one who told tara about julia and jake," he blurts out and my eyes go wide for a second. "how did she even know?" i ask, still confused about the statement. last time i checked jake, julia, and i were the only ones who actually knew before tara found out and announced it in front of everyone. i don't even recall telling colby about it.