vexatious (infuriating sequel)

chapter eighty-eight

i roll over for the last time, and decide to get up instead of fighting myself to go back to sleep. i don't want to face the day, but i can't stay at sams apartment forever.

julia: where'd you say colby would probably b?

me: this house behind a park, it's the park by that nightclub u mentioned

i scroll through my phones non-existent notifications for a few minutes before ripping myself away from this comfortable couch. it takes me a second to get enough energy to put my dress back on, and i quickly fold up the clothes that katrina let me borrow to sleep in.

"hey," i say quietly as i walk into the living room. nick, sam, and katrina are all sitting on the couch like ducks. i giggle at their silence before they all whip their heads towards me.

each and every one of them has a pitiful look on their face. do i look that bad? or do they all know that colby ripped my heart up into shreds last night?

"i'm fine, guys... any chance one of you can take me home?" i ask, and sam nods. "i was gonna go and pick up my SD card from there anyways," he says, standing from his spot. i wish i didn't wake up, but it's already eight and i can't sleep all day here. this isn't my home, and i don't live down the hall anymore.

"you ready?" he asks. i look around and try to remember if i brought anything. i didn't expect to have to stay the night, so i walk out with only my phone and wallet in hand.

"how was your sleep?" he asks as he opens the front door and holds it open for me. see, colby wouldn't do something like that. it's small but it means a lot, especially when you spent the previous night sobbing alone in a different room at a party. "it was good! how was yours?" i know i'm lying. all i could dream about was colby. his eyes, his voice, and the way he smiles. i hate that he's on my mind even when i'm unconscious, i wish i could wipe him from my memory right now. i wish i could just pretend last night never happened. how did something so simple as him lying to sam turn into something so serious? i know i meant what i said, drunk or not. i haven't wanted to accept the toll colby takes on me, but i meant it. he is doing what tara used to do, and i can't let that happen to me again. i've come so far, and if i can get through this on my own i will be golden. i am capable of anything if i can survive the way i feel right now. the way my heart feels knowing that colby ran last night, away from me and away from us. he broke my heart when he walked away. i expected him to scream, or take it all back and tell me that he can't lose me. i didn't expect him to walk straight away from me. i never wanted that. i never wanted him to leave, or i would've been more rational about the way i said things. i can't tell if i regret having the conversation with him, but i don't like the way i feel.

"i slept well also... you feeling any better?"

"not really, but i don't think anything else can be expected. i'll be fine," i shrug it off. it's not like he's the only thing on my mind, sam.

when we get down to sams car, i am pleasantly surprised to find that it is spotless. in the bottom of colbys car, there are dozens of empty water bottles and old receipts. i figured sam's would be the same, but his car matches his clean apartment.

the drive is silent, and we don't speak a single word to each other until we arrive back home. "do you have a key?" he asks, and i almost curse at myself before i remember that aaron and colby came home last night. "no, but the boys should be here," i point towards their cars in the drive way.

when aaron opens the front door, he looks exhausted. i didn't take him as someone to go out and party on new years, so i'm not surprised by his dreadful appearance. the poor dude probably wanted to go home before the clock even hit midnight.