vexatious (infuriating sequel)

chapter eighty-six

"are you okay?" nick immediately finds me when i walk back inside of sams apartment. i don't want him to think i'm interested in him, and he's probably the last person colby would want me to be talking to right now, but i don't want to be rude to the poor guy.

"i'm fine," i shrug, although i do not mean it. my heart is breaking with every step i take towards the kitchen. i grab the bottle from earlier—which is now almost empty—and pour myself a cup with several shots worth of alcohol inside of it. i decide against pouring coke inside of it as well before downing the entire thing in only a few gulps. for once, i don't mind the awful taste. i think if i keep focusing on the burn in my throat, i can stop focusing on the burn in my heart right now. watching colby walk away from me is something i never wanted to witness, but he did it. and i have to let him. i have to be my own person, even if he left me stranded tonight. not literally, because i know exactly where his keys are resting on the counter, but metaphorically he stranded me. i am alone tonight, on new year's eve, our first and possibly last new year's eve together. i can't shake the thought that i might never get to kiss him at midnight. i might never get to kiss the only man i've ever loved again. i know it's a cliché, and he'd roll his eyes if i made him do it, but it would've meant a lot to have him with me tonight.

"i didn't see that coming," nick speaks again and i find myself growing annoyed at the poor boy. he is just trying to start conversation, but the last thing i want to do is talk about the events of the night. "i didn't take you for the type," he continues and i turn away from him before rolling my eyes. i don't want him to know how annoyed i am, despite how much i'd love to yell at him for assuming anything about me in the first place. i have to be polite to him because that's me, andromeda the nice girl. i am not colbys bitch. i don't have to live in his shadow, i can be my own person.

"what did you take me for?" i ask, turning my divided attention to the boy. i can still feel everyone's glances in my direction. i hope they didn't hear colby and i's screaming match in the hall, i think that would really top off the shittiest night in history.

"really nice, i mean i still think you are. i just didn't think you had it in you to stand up for yourself like that i guess," he shrugs and i nod. i guess he's right, a few months ago i would've never done that in front of everyone. i guess i've been way too vulnerable in front of these people way too many times, and i lost my urge to care a while ago. i don't mind that they all saw me fall apart like that, i don't care that they heard me yell at tara that way. i am prideful for sticking up for myself, i just wish colby was here to celebrate with me.

"i am nice." i don't know what else to say to the boy, so i excuse myself from the room and search for a familiar face in the crowded apartment.

"andro!" sam calls out to me and i sigh in relief before finding the source of his voice. "hi," i say quietly and he gives me a pitiful smile.

"are you okay? i'm so sorry for all of that... i should've known she would've done that and i-"

"it's okay, sam really. it's not your fault. i know her better than anyone, and if anyone should've known she'd do that, it's me." i mean what i am saying, but i do wish she'd never been invited in the first place. i guess i can't be angry at him for that. i wish i didn't blame myself for everything that ever happens. i wish i could blame sometimes besides poor old andromeda for this stupid night.

"it's not your fault either! she deserved everything you said!" he laughs and i join him. i keep trying to find humor in this like everyone else, but it isn't making me laugh genuinely.