Amnesia

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

I finished writing on a piece of paper and reread what I just wrote as I sang in my head to the lyrics of the song I was listening to. After writing so many poems for my Poetry 101 unit, the ones outside of the assignment became easier to write. Mainly because they weren't for an assignment, and it was what my heart wanted to express. Writing, especially handwriting, is genuinely therapeutic.

"Whatcha doin?" Mia's voice was suddenly near my ears, made me jump a little bit.

"Oh, hey," I said as I casually took off my headphones and folded the piece of paper to slip inside a book. "You're here early."

Mia sat next to me, thankfully didn't ask more about the piece of paper. "Yeah, finished early. Work was so quiet and boring today."

Mia worked at a pharmacy near my campus. She used to want to be a pharmacist or chemist, but after the first month of uni, she decided she was happy to just work and help around in a pharmacy without actually being one. She was definitely not a studious type, especially in Pharmacy because that just meant you would have no social life, and Mia would rather die than studying alone all the time without time with friends.

"You know, it's his birthday this weekend," Mia said quietly as we walked out of the library.

I nodded. I knew. And remembered. It was even still on my calendar. Last year, we went to his 18th birthday party and I gave him a beanie as part of his challenge to learn how to knit. It was a costume party — dressing up as your favourite hero — and I dressed up as Sherlock Holmes and Mia as Hermione Granger. And he was Doctor Strange. Mia joked that we both were part of a triangle love with Benedict Cumberbatch.

I remembered, all right. But I wished I didn't.

"Do you think I should shoot him a message? That is if he hasn't blocked me yet."

Mia and I crossed the road at the zebra crossing. The bubble tea place was just inside the shopping center across my campus.

"I don't know," I honestly answered. "You can, but no guarantee he would reply even if he receives it."

I guessed it was somehow better to be ignored. I never sent him any more text since the last time I did. Mia thought he ignored my messages, but he didn't. I actually would rather he did.

"No, you're not my friend. She is. And I don't want anything to do with any of her friends. Goodbye, Ava."

Speaking of birthdays, Holly's party was coming up soon too, and I hadn't decided whether to go or not. Nor to ask if Mia wanted to join. I was thinking of making a last minute decision on that one. Holly was kind enough not to pressure me to RSVP and told me to come or not come as I liked, as she understood my dilemma.

I'd like to think Mia and I had moved on, given it had been 2 months since we last heard from him. Mia never even mentioned his name. So I was surprised she suddenly brought him up. I mean, we still secretly hoped that someday we'd be friends with him again. This was worse than a bad break up — in some ways. Well, I guessed I had no comparison. I never had a bad break up. Nor had I ever been cut off from someone's life before. Hence the dilemma. What if he was there too? What would I say to him? And what if he wasn't? Would I be filled with disappointment?

I held tightly on the book where I put the piece of paper I wrote on earlier. I couldn't mail it out today with Mia here with me, but I would do that tomorrow, then it would arrive on time. I always loved the idea of a snail mail, even though we wouldn't know if the recipient really receives and reads it. And no guarantee they would reply. But I'd rather that than sending a message via messenger and found out that the person had read it but decided not to reply. Or got a reply, but a harsh one.