Sometimes I used to think I fell in love with Ananth because I was able to control everything abut his appearance, from the length of his facial hair to his hairstyle. Never have I seen anyone more handsome than him. I thought I knew what love is and I understand it in a way that most only dream of. I mean, he made me want to be nice again, so that has to be the pinnacle of love, right?
But I was in for a rude awakening, which I slowly started realizing within hours of Ananth gaining consciousness. It started with small things like him getting irritated by bed rest and medicines, sometimes regarding me with suspicious and guarded eyes (he was grateful to me but didn't trust me) or just being pissed off in general by something that brought me to the realisation. It made me acknowledge that all this time I have been in love with him, I had been idolising him. I had kept him on a pedestal where he can do nothing wrong while he is just a human and to err is to human.
It took me weeks to grasp this concept and battle it out in my mind all the while I slowly started forming a beautiful bond of friendship with him. Slowly my mind had started humanizing him instead of idolizing him and all my worries about my love becoming less for him evaporated when I found myself falling deeper and deeper in the magic of his eyes and appreciating what I couldn't when he was sleeping, like, the animatic movement of his hands when he is making his point to me or the little quirk of his lips when I am in middle of saying something but forgetting it and stuttering because I got lost in him or his deep chuckle whose vibrations resonates throughout me.
This. This is the pinnacle of love.
Now our friendship has become something to be written about in novels but yet I haven't found the courage to tell him that there's more from my side, that not only my friendship but everything that I am and that's mine is his. I don't know how to say this to him because he has immense trust on me now and I am ashamed to admit that it's all based on lies. I couldn't tell him about my dark side, about the monsters that sometimes seeps out from the darkest chamber of my mind and whose traces can be removed by his and his presence only.
Someday I will tell him, but not now, not when he is about to photograph me which he thinks he is doing for the 54 followers on my instagram but which actually is so that I can see how he sees me.
