endless path, infinite cosmos

chapter 1

In the seemingly infinite darkness, Vahn's consciousness begins to stir. Memories from his life begin to cycle through like a reverse-kaleidoscope within his mind. He experiences the moment of his death once again, every single experiment he was ever put through. All the thoughts, pains, emotions, and agony which had been locked away in his mind assault him anew. He begins to 'scream' out with a voice that doesn't exist as the phantom pain pulses throughout his non-existent body, threatening to rob him of his existence.

'It hurts.'

Key events begin to get emphasized within his mind, taking the forefront of the kaleidoscopes focus. He remembers the time where the Doctors had amputated his legs to keep him from moving around on his own. He remembers the group of scientists that tried to test his 'regenerative' properties by cutting and burning segments of his skin. He remembers the time when he tried to commit suicide, only to have any semblance of freedom removed for his efforts.

'I don't deserve this. Nobody deserves this pain.'

As the events continue to cycle through his mind, the kaleidoscope slowly begins to dissolve from its edges. The pain which now encompasses his entire being begins to dull as his mind seeks reprieve within the comfort of oblivion.

'Why did I have to suffer so much...it's not fair.'

The kaleidoscope now begins to fragment, shattering into segmentary images which seem to exist outside the periphery of Vahn's focus. Without directly observing each fragment, he is able to let the pain cease.

'I should have never been born..."

Vahn lets his mind wander away from the images within the kaleidoscope. He begins to look within the encroaching darkness, something that causes a fundamental fear to resonate within his soul.

'I shouldn't even exist...what meaning did my life have? To be used as a tool for the benefit of others...I hate them. THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONES TO SUFFER, NOT ME.'

The entire kaleidoscope fragments further, leaving only a few remnant images floating within the darkness. Vahn continues to stare into the abyss, developing a sense of longing to contrast the fear. He refuses to stare at the images that only cause him pain. Each image slowly begins to fade away, and with it, Vahn himself begins to fade.

'...I just....wanted....to be free...'

Now only a single image remains within the darkness. Vahn instinctually knows that if the image fades, everything that ever defined who he was, his very existence itself, would fade into nothingness.

'Finally, I don't have to suffer anymore...'

He closes what he imagines to be his 'eyes' and awaits the coming oblivion. He feels no sense contentedness, only a solemnity far beyond anything a fourteen-year-old child should possess.

...

After waiting for an indeterminant amount of time, an unease arrises within Vahn. He feels as though he had been waiting a long time, but no matter how much time passes he cannot cease to be. Within the darkness, a single image still remains, the last defining moment of his entire life. The last bastion of the pain that defined his very existence. Finally succumbing to the unease within, Vahn grits his 'teeth' and looks towards the last image as if to acknowledge his pain for the last time.

To his surprise, he sees a scene foreign to him. Something outside the scope of his memory. There is no feeling of pain, only a longing, and a feeling of loss. He stares blankly into the image where a woman in tears cradles a young infant in her arms. Everything else within the scene is a blur, but the image of the woman remains perfectly vivid within the ambiguity. He feels an attachment to this woman, unlike anything he has ever experienced. His soul seems to cry out as the feeling of longing begins to overwhelm him.