The broken and the torn

Chapter 8

She ran from the bed, straight for the bathroom. She was five months pregnant and she was still having severe morning sickness.

She felt so tired and drained....
She throw up ever so often and she can't intake anything but cheese pizza.
She needed this baby out of her stomach. She is so miserable and emotional. She irritate her own being... She cry for every single thing. She cries when she is happy, she cry when she is sad, she cry when she is angry, she even cry when she kills an insect.

She was a huge emotional reck....
She try to work so hard during the days so that birth wouldn't be a hassle.

She went to see her obstetrician last week and she did her first ultra sound..... It was a boy and she was so excited, although she wanted a girl.  She was just excited that she is going to be a mother.... She wasn't prepared for this baby at all but she is excited....

She bend over the toilet bowl, the pretend toilet bowl and her throat ached so much it has been her eighth time throwing up from morning and she was devastated already.
She rinsed her mouth and headed back for the bed to relax her mind..

Things were not going well, all she had for her son was three shirts that she bought the other day, and she was worried sick that her son would come into this world with nothing prepared for him.

A tear sting her eyes at that thought.
Davar was still going to school and working with the neighbour on a construction site..
The money he receives can only buy food for them..
It was getting worst as time goes by and that worry her... Davar uncle would come by sometimes and provide them with the grocery for a week. They would thank God knowing they really needed the help.

She had told her mother a month ago that she was pregnant via text message and she read the message and didn't reply. It hurt her so much. All she wanted was a reply but at this age they still didn't care whether she was dead or alive....

It hurts like hell now that she thought about it, all she ever wanted from her mother was love, and support and she always give her the opposite hate....

Her stomach ache at the thought....
She knew she isn't the best child but she knew she deserve some love, some affection, she needs to feel normal...

Her little baby boy began to move in her tummy as if he felt her pain.....
She is now not living for herself, she is living for an innocent unborn child. That only needs love and affection. She vow to making this child happy..

She vow to treat him way better than she was treated......

She rubbed her hands on her tummy and the foetus continue to move. A smile was placed on her lips and he let it out. She allowed her lips to smile....
Atleast someone ie trying to make her happy. Her son. Her life. Her purpose......

**********

She stand over the pot on ithe stove stirring her porridge. Well thee porridge. Tears flew from her eyes as she stir the spoon in the pot. She was making a pot of cornmeal porridge only thing is that the porridge was without milk.... The first in her life has she seen black  porridge. She stir the porridge and her tears fall into the porridge as well.

She smiled and share herself a lovely bowl knowing that better days would come. She knew one day there will be great sunshine and her cloudy days will be no more......
She knew she had to drink this so her son could have something to eat........

She slowly put spoons in her mouth and it wasn't so bad to be honest..... She stood there and swallow slowly.

She suddenly remembered her mother's remarks about Davar and it made her think deep....

She looked right in her face when she asked her for a pack of sanitary napkin a because her menstrual had came earlier than expected....

Her mom reaction had shocked her soooo much. She looked at her from head to toe and made her remarks about her not finding a man with money and how worthless Davar is....

She was fueled with anger the moment her mother made that remarks, she was determined to prove everyone wrong that made those remarks about him. She knew deep within her that he is an ambitious young man and he just want the right opportunity to prove himself worthy.....

Why was her family so judgemental, it bothers her so much being that they are so far away from being perfect yet still they judge people the most....
As the word judgemental sway cross her mind, she vividly remembered how her Grandma made it known clear that she will be nothing like Catherine and that she will not be successful in her examination.... She prove them wrong and that was enough for her.....

Seems as if everywhere she turned they expect the least of her.... Even in church they expected her to fail miserable.

She was a junior missionary in church, and she was very active. She was in charge of alot of activities and she handled them well. She sighed at the thought of how powerful she was in church....
She was head of praise and worship team and oh god we love to worship.... She was so spiritual and lost in God.... She knew she loved the lord, but some force was there trying to pull her out... It was the spirit of fornication....
She felt so lost so she craved attention from Davar and that led her into his bed. She was so upset that she messed up and she wanted to run back to God and ask for forgiveness but her flesh was too weak. She needed to stop she knew it, but she kept going back...... going back to he one thing that separated her from god.

When she got pregnant she knew they rejoiced. Thinking that she had finally loose it all where church is concerned. But she never stopped praying. She knew she have a God.....

She hadn't been to a church for a period of time, being that they would only criticize her.... She just wanted to feel peace at least one. She just want to be loved and honoured.....

A sharp pain hit her chest, she was flunged from her thoughts to reality.
She grabbed her chest and wished the pain had stopped....
Shortly after she was gasping for breath.... What the hell is happening to her.....
She couldn't explain the feeling all too well she just knew that she wasn't ok the pain was unbearable and she had to know what's going on with her.....

She slowly moved towards her bed and gently let her frame lay on the bed..... She felt nauseous and she suddenly wished Davar would just be he already....
To be pregnant and feeling severe chest pain wasn't a nice thing...

Her son seems to agree with her because he made his small kicks against her stomach and she laughed, rubbing her tummy slowly...

Soon after sleep has taken her over.... She didn't know when her lids closed but she welcomed the sleep humbly....

Hey loves am not well, so I haven't updated yesterday. Feel so ill. I will try my best to gve you more chapters though. Trust me more things are left to come....😘😘