Your Love Is My Drug (A Lilo fan fic)

Talk It Out

It’s a short chapter, but I felt like this is the required length.

The song I chose is old, so I won’t be surprised if you don’t know it.

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Liam’s POV

I checked the clock; it was still around 2 am. Louis was asleep next to me, with his arms around my waist. Ever since Harry told me about Zayn, I haven’t gotten much sleep. He’s been around me, and it makes me want to apologize, but I was told specifically not to say anything. It literally kills me to see him.

Louis hasn’t noticed, because I’ve been hiding it. I hated lying to him when he asked if I was okay, but I couldn’t tell him the truth.

I heard a slight knock on the door. I slowly removed Louis arms, and I went to the door. I opened it to see Zayn. He looked so vulnerable.

“I know that you know.” He said, leaning on the side of the wall.

“Oh.” I said. I walked out the room, closing the door quietly. “You need anything?”

“I need to talk to you. Doctors’ orders.” He said. I nodded slightly, and he continued. “I’m not mad that you know. You needed to know sometime. It’s just that seeing you with him, it makes me feel worthless. When he puts his arms around you, or when you kiss him, I die a little. I tried drinking the pain away, but waking up beside a stranger, and having a hangover didn’t really take away the pain.”

“Zayn, if we lost you, we wouldn’t know what do. You mean so much to us. The band would be nothing without you.” I said, holding back tears.

“I figured you would never love me, no one would. I took it upon myself to end everything. I knew the guys would miss me, I just figured you would never really care.” He shrugged, letting tears fall from his eyes.

“Not care if you died?” I asked barely audible. “I’d be an emotional wreck. Thinking about you gone, I can’t do it. I need your deep quotes that help me so much when things get tough. I need you taking hours to get ready, making me wait to use the bathroom. I’d missing waking you up every morning by saying someone broke your mirror. I’d especially miss you saying vas happenin’ when you wake up. I’d miss you loads, Zayn. Never forget that.” I finished letting the tears spill out of my eyes.

“Liam, I didn’t mean to do it. I just thought you didn’t care.” He said, wiping his eyes. “I didn’t realize I meant that much to you.”

“You mean so much, I couldn’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you.” I said. “No matter where life takes us, you will always be the person that I go to for problems. When you need some help, I’d fly across the world just to help you.” I could help but cry harder.

“You don’t have to lie to me.” he said.

“Lie to you? I am pouring out my feelings.  Zayn, you mean so much to me.” I said, pulling him into a hug. “I’d lose all stableness if you go.” 

“I just wish you could love me. You don’t know what it’s like to love someone who you know will never love you back. I hate seeing you and Louis together. I hate to see you two so in love. I wished I could be in your arms, and make you blush just by saying that I loved you. I wish I could wake up to that smile that brightens my day. I wish I could wonder what it would be like if I couldn’t call you mine. Now that I know I never will, it kills me. You never leave my mind, no matter how much I try to push you out I just can’t.” he explained.

“Everything reminds me of you. When the sun shines, it reminds me of your smile, which brightens my day. When I wake up each morning, and find an empty side of my bed, I die a little. You’ll never be beside me, and I really wish you would be, at least once.” He had stopped crying, at this point. He was smiling now.

“I haven’t been able to sleep much lately. You’ve been on my mind. I feel so guilty, knowing that I was the one who caused you to do this. I hate myself. I should be the one who tried to kill himself, and succeeded.” I said.

“If you die, this whole band would fall apart. I would fall apart, knowing that I missed my one and only shot to make you fall in love with me.” he said, looking in my eyes.

And that’s when I felt it, that warm feeling in my chest, as he pulled me into a hug. Did I have feelings for him?

“Zayn?” I asked him. He looked at me. “I think I have feelings for you.” I was utterly confused.

“No you don’t. You’re just feeling something different. It’s probably just guilt.” He said. Zayn looked a little disappointed.

“I know what guilt feels like. This isn’t it. It’s a warm feeling, like your giving off heat. I have little butterflies in my stomach.” I explained. The next line, I whispered. “And I feel the urge to kiss you.”

I leaned forward, slowly closing my eyes. I brushed my lips against Zayn’s.

“Liam, no. you have a boyfriend.” He said.

“He’s asleep.” I said. Now I really wanted to kiss him.

“You love him.” Zayn pushed me back. “I will not let our first kiss be a secret.”

“You don’t want to kiss me?” he didn’t. I knew he didn’t.

“I can’t even explain how much.” He said. “I will not let you ruin your relationship over confused feelings. Goodnight Liam.”

He left me alone in the hallway. I returned back to the bedroom to see a shocked Louis. I got back in the bed and turned to see Louis.

“Li, do you love me?” he asked me. Why was he so worried?

“Lou, you know I do.” At least I think I do…