Honest

Falling With Fall

It's not like what Joel said rattled my bones so much that I was ready to leave. It's not that what he said had hurt my feelings. It's the fact that he said it. That he took a situation and flipped it around completely. And if he can do that with something so small, what happens when real problems enter our lives. Bills. Taxes. Families. Babies...
None the less we don't talk for the rest of the afternoon. There wasn't really a chance to, if we are being honest. I was running in one direction while Olivia was running in the other. This town may have been small, but everyone showed up to these kind of events. Kids were running back and forth with fresh paint patterns covering their faces like tigers and butterflies. We had a band from the town over come in to play and there were a bunch of games and festivities.
I spin around, for probably the millionth time tonight and kacey is standing there, grinning ear to ear. "Hey there lil filly."
I chuckle and grab at my chest, my heart skipping a beat. "Walk with me, I gotta go grab more cups from the car."
"Will do!" Kacey laughs and follows. "Why is Joely moping all round town?"
"What?" I look over my shoulder briefly only to look back at the car parked a few blocks down.
"Joel looks pretty upset."
"And that effects me, how?"
Kacey makes a screeching cat noise. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
I roll my eyes and click open Liv's car so the trunk pops open. "Ya, okay." I say, hoisting the box full of plastic cups in my arms.
"Have a fight with Joel?"
I slam the trunk with one hand while balancing cups in the other. "It's not like that."
"Oh my god! What about?" She shouts, hardly giving me reason to explain it to her.
"It's not like that Kacey, just leave it." I shrug and start to walk back to where we came from. "He's just strung up on something."
"Isn't that usually the girls job?"
"Isn't it usually the girl who wants to rush marriage, as well?"
It's silent for a moment. "Joely wants to get married?"
I swallow hard. "Yup, and he won't give it a rest."
"You've been together, what... Three months?" I nod. "Damn, he is eager."
"Tell me about it. I don't do fights. I don't do the whole 'emotion' thing at all. And he knows that. So why he's acting the way he is is beyond me." I sigh. "I'm not about to mope around though. If he wants to talk to me, he'll find me. Instead of getting his best friend to do it." I stop walking and raise my eyebrows in Kace's direction.
"He didn't send me to talk to you if that's what you're thinking." She licks her lips nervously and I chuckle. "He didn't!"
"Whatever, it doesn't matter." I shrug. "If he's upset, I'm sure he'll let me know."
It's a bit later in the evening, the sun was setting, actually. Leaving the sky in a beautiful arrangements of reds and oranges and purples. Everything was going as expected. Olivia and I sure had thrown a party, if you ask me. But then again, maybe I'm just biased. It seemed as if everyone was having a good time. Except one certain young man off to the sides with his arms crossed, watching every move I made. "Tay, let's dance. We've done enough for tonight!" Olivia comes over, grabbing on to my hands and pulling me into the crowd of locals.
I shake my head, my cheeks turning red. "That's not my thing!" I protest as she continues to pull.
"Come on... I'll be your best friend!" She begs, sticking out her bottom lip.
"You already are!" I shout, shaking my head continuously, rolling my eyes.
"Exactly!" She hollers back, "you owe me!"
I stand back a moment, staring her down softly. "Fine." I state and a smile grows into her cheeks and she pulls me back into the crowd of people.
I don't know if what we did classified as dancing. More like moving around to the beat of the music while laughing and trying not to trip over the children around us. I don't know what this classified as. I don't know if it was joy or happiness. But, I did know it was in the place of real.
The music comes to an end and the young teen lead singer stands, holding the mic announces "I would like to invite the head coordinator of this amazing event up to the stage..." I look around. "Come on Taylor." She begs and everyone around me laughs.
Olivia pushes me forward. "Go shine!" She laughs and smacks my ass as I roll my eyes.
Everyone is clapping and although I wasn't sure what was ahead, the feeling of everyone cheering did make me feel better. I jump up the stairs of the stage and the girl with the mic hugs me before handing me the speaking device and I go still. "Hello everyone!" It comes out so clean, I'm even surprised myself. "It's been such a fun ride to plan this for you guys, and such an honour too. I know I've only been here a few short months, but within these months you've given me so much life." I lick my lips as my eyes fall over particular people in the crowd. The crisp fall breeze pushes against my face. "Before I came to North Haven, I was just some Canadian Nanny on vacation. It was never in my wildest dreams that I would end up here. Permanently. With all of you. But I'm glad I did." My eyes droop to the side of the large crowd. Joel is standing there, arms crossed and pouting. "I found love here. Within all of you. Within your stories and your families and your traditions. You let your families become my family and you've made a place for me in this beautiful town that is your home. You've given the genuine happiness that I've been searching for my entire life. You've all taught me something in particular, and that is how to love myself. You're all amazing people, each and every one of you. And I hope you know that." Joel rolls his eyes and goes to turn around. "I wouldn't have been able to do this without two people in particular. Olivia you have become my best friend, there is never a time where we aren't laughing. You have so much wisdom, and I guess that's what happens when you have three kids at such a young age. You're genius. And hilarious. And I loved planning this event with you. The other person is my boyfriend. Joel has done absolutely everything for me. Supported me. Held me. Opened up his home for me. Loved me. And for those specific things, I'll always be thankful. And not only for just him but for this town. Because it was only some years ago that he was the newbie that you welcomed." I clear my throat as there's a chorus of laughter. "I hope you all had as much fun tonight as I did planning it! You're all amazing beautiful people and you deserve the best! The band is going to finish their set and then we'll gather down the beach a bit for fireworks!"
And that's exactly what happens. We all gather along the beach while fireworks are set off by some locals off of a motor boat. I have my feet dug in the sand, just the point where the water is draping around my toes. Olivia to my side and her Jane in front of us. "You did a good job, Taylor." Olivia nudges my side and I look over with a smile. "Ya know, for a rookie."
I chuckle. "That is just a compliment as any!"
"No, but honestly, you did a good job. Everyone had fun and the music was a nice touch... I can't wait to see what you'll do next year."
"Next year?"
"Well, if you accept that is."
I nod and smile excessively. "Of course."
I feel the warmth of a sweater fall around my arms. "You look cold." I heard as I look over and see Joel in his t-shirt and jeans.
"Thanks." I mumble and put my arms through the sleeve.
"You need anything?" I shake my head. "You sure."
"Ya, I'm fine." I lick my lips and look forward. It's silent for a moment and he wraps his arm around my shoulders and his lips touch the top of my head.
"I love you." He whispers and I roll my eyes. "I really do love you. A lot."
"Mmhmm," I mumble, rolling my eyes, awaiting for a show in the sky.
"You love me too."
"Joel, don't do this here."
"But you do, you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it."
I close my eyes tightly and take an exasperated sigh. "Joel. Not here."
Joel nuzzles his nose through my hair and kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm stupid sometimes. And I have a temper-"
"Joel." I say sternly, now looking into his eyes where I usually see my dreams. "Not today."
Joel licks his lips and nods as if waiting for me to say more. But I don't. I just stand there. "I'll meet you back at the truck then?" He whispers and I nod. Joel, then, slowly starts backing away. "Stay warm."
"I will."
The fireworks start crackling in the sky making a beautiful arrangements of colours. Last time I saw fireworks Joel and I were back at that silly old motel. Tangled within the sheets. Kisses against skin. The feeling warms me. Olivia nudges me a bit and whispers in my ear. "He's talking marriage, ain't he?"
I look shockingly to Liv and she smiles. "How the hell did you-"
"Know? The past few girlfriends Joel had, he did the same thing. It's kinda like a... A test."
My eyebrows furrow and I lick my lips slowly, suddenly my world becoming a lot more interesting. "A test?"
She nods slightly and reverts her gaze back to me. "Joel usually starts talking marriage at the five month period. It shows him a lot of things. If the girl is game, he usually backs off, starts distancing himself. Surely five months isn't a enough time to get to know a person, so if she's hearing wedding bells, it's time to go. Now, if the girl is hesitant, isn't sure what to think, he lets it go for a month or so to feel things out. Clearly in the past, it hasn't worked out. Lastly, if the girl is strictly against it but for the reason that she doesn't like marriage, he reevaluates the situation, looks at the rest of the aspects of their relationship... But if the reason is that they don't know each other enough, he'll test her even more. Throw in pointless fights, maybe sneak around a bit, just to see how far he can push her."
"And?"
"Well, no ones made it farther than that." Liv chuckles and cheers with the crowd. "But I'm assuming it's wherever you're headed."
"So it's a game? It's all just... A pointless game?"
She laughs and grabs my hands. "Don't worry. You're doing well! You're gonna break the system just you watch!"
My head hurts and I close my eyes, the popping of the fireworks seem to be coming from inside my head now. "How do you do know?"
"Sweetie," liv grins genuinely and chuckles lightly. "Joel's eyes haven't had that much light in them in all the years he's been here. Don't take this too harshly, but I think you two are soulmates."
"Well then," I take a deep breath, "tonight just got a lot more interesting."
Joel and I meet back at the truck after the firework show and my multiple goodbyes to my friends and 'thanks for coming's. We don't say a word to each other. Joel and I, that is. We sit silently as the vehicle turns town roads. The tension more powerful than I have ever experienced. And I think that's mostly my fault. But it's also my intention. If he could play games, why couldn't i? My trick was to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. As guilty as possible. So you're the player? Well darling, I'm the coach.
We arrive home and Daisy greets us at the door. Yipping and jumping up at my legs until I pick her up. Casually, I make my way upstairs, confidently as possible. My posture tall. I can feel his gaze lay on me and I walk. It's driving him insane. And I like it.
I get ready for bed like I normally do, Daisy chewing on a toy while sitting at at my feet. I wash my face, throw my hair up and change into Pjs. Joel's jacket upon the bed. It's not too long before Joel joins me in the bedroom, doing his own thing before carrying on and climbing under the covers, but still sitting upward. "I think we should talk." Joel coughs out, patting the bed beside him and taking a sip of the water from his bedside.
I shrug, walk over to the bed and lick my lips. "Can you pass me my pillow, please?"
"What?" Joel's eyebrows narrow and he looks confused.
"My pillow. Can you hand it to me?"
Confused, Joel does as I ask and then without hesitation I whistle for Daisy to follow and we turn, leaving the bedroom silent. "Taylor!" Joel calls, "Tay, what are you doing?" I laugh silently and continue walking until he shouts my name ounce again.
The balls of my feet dig into the carpet as I spin to face him and he's standing, a look of frustration drawn upon his face. "Yes?"
"What are you doing?" He scratches at his jawline.
"I need to think. I need some space from you." I walk a few steps closer as does he but we stop there.
"From me?!" He chokes and I nod. "What the fuck!" His hands flying into the air.
"Don't be so shocked, Joely. I just need some time to think. Ya know? I don't think you're too happy with me right now and I know I'm not too happy with you." I rub my lips together waiting for a response.
"Fine, but you're not sleeping on the couch." He snags the pillow from my hands and walks around me. "I will."
"Joel-"
"Taylor. Don't be stupid. I may be pissed off, but I'm not a complete asshole. And I'm not letting my girlfriend sleep on the couch. It's not right. " He raises his eyes brows but his voice, soft. He looks tired. As if only today has aged him. "See you tomorrow." Joel sighs before carrying himself down the stairs and Daisy prances in the other direction to the bed.
I push my toes into the carpet with every step and I fall back into the bed. Daisy is already passed out on the pillow beside me. I lick my lips and smile softly.
Taylor - 1, boyfriend - 0.