⚠️ Trigger Warning!!! ⚠️
(You can skip here if want to/need be.)
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I'm in Control;
Drip,drip,drop; the water overflows from the tub.Yet again I tried to drown but again hesitated and halt my actions.
How many times had this happened,I couldn't count.Why am I always hesitant to end this journey they called life.
Or the question is when did I hesitated this much? I never thought my life is worth something so,when did I ever started thinking like It's worth everything?
After everything that happened to me, why am I having second thoughts..? From betrayals to harassment,I've seen and experience.
It bloosoms a flower of hate and resentment. It overflows my mind with cries and voices. 'End it all' is not what it urged me to do but 'End them all'.
I realized this isn't Depression.....I'm mentally unstable....
"Please stop" I cried and covered my ears.I looked at my wrist untainted 'If this looks like a perfect canvas...what about their skin....' but I refuse to give in to the voices within.
My so called friends turned their backs on me probably tired of all my dramas and venting. "Why didn't you just say that you were tired of me? Instead of suddenly ignoring me and replacing me." I felt so betrayed, didn't you know....
It's the feeling of betrayal that I just can't seem to shake and everything I know tells me that I should go away....believe me I want to.......but deep inside I hope it will all go back to normal for I just....wanna stay...
How ironic.....I want to hurt someone but at the same time I don't.... I want to see blood....I want them to suffer like me but at the same time I want to care for them....
In the midst of confusion, I found someone who could tell my real self from my fabricated happiness. Someone who read me like a book who could tell what I'm thinking and feeling....someone who understands and knows just what to say.
But she also left....and I let her go...my only true bestfriend for her own good....she needs medication for she developed a sickness....physically...
She left but still knowing what to say before going.....words that echoed through me....
'Why do you care about what others say and why would you chase after those who doesn't love you?' Something in me snaps when I heard those words. I realized for the first time, they're not worth my time.
"I won't do it so shut up!" I fought back. "You are me and I am you, just reflection of my pain and emotions but I don't need you.".....After all what I hated the most is being tattered and controlled.
I woke up and It's gone, the noises and voices. All the resentment became a hidden bloodlust, a source of my strength during battles.
I kept it hidden for I didn't want anybody to know. I put up a facade, a mask of kindness and etiquettes.
But something seems odd....whenever I'm enraged I seem to let bloodlust slipped through my mask and gave a glare...
I don't find it terrifying really.....but they......seem to cower in fear just by looking......Am that scary....?
They said it doesn't look like a normal person's glare....but glare that says 'I wont hesitate to end you' a predator ready to devour its prey...
I forgave those who did me wrong for I don't wanna hurt anybody...... but deep inside I do.....
When somebody do me wrong I'll let the kind mask slip off.....I'll make sure they'll be too terrified to cross me again.
Then I realized those voices didn't disappeared but I tamed them and now I wish no one will make a mistake to trigger it awake.
But even if it wakes I won't let the beast rampage...because I will be the one to do so for l'm in control.
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YOU ARE READING
Written
PoesiaI believe that happy memories are a double edged sword. When you remember them, it's not always happiness that you feel, But also longing, For the smiles that led to tears. And you find yourself asking.... Where is that 'me' in my memories....
