Paper Parachute | Celebrity Romance

4.

"It's just a fucking song." Blake mumbled to himself, growing increasingly angered by his rising emotions and his inability to control them.

Why was this so difficult?

He didn't answer the question. The answer hurt too much and that only further pissed him off. He was trying to channel his hurt and rage into a more acceptable outlet but it was proving really fucking difficult.

He didn't want to face this pain. He didn't want to think about his ex. He didn't want to picture the scene he had come home to the night. The lips of the girl he had loved covering someone else. Writing the song had been hard enough. Actually recording it? Taking his private pain public? That was a whole new story.

For once, he wished he really was the heartless asshole the media made him out to be.

Was he really ready to finally come to terms with he and Ashley's breakup? It had been years. Two years of drowning out his thoughts and feelings for her and anyone else with alcohol and asshole behavior until he felt nearly nothing. He'd made himself numb and here he was about to blow that to smithereens in the name of his art.

He had to do it. If he was ever going to feel human, if he was ever going to feel like himself again, he had to do this.

He turned the tap on the sink in the men's bathroom of the recording studio and splashed cool water on his face. He stopped the stream and shook the remaining droplets from his hands rubbing them over the stiff fabric of his jeans before throwing open the door and stalking back to their recording room.

"I'm ready." He announced to the rest of his band and their sound tech.

"Finally." Rian said, not bothering to look up from scrolling on his phone.

"Blake...we don't have to do this." Dex started. Their drummer had always been the most sensitive to the others emotions and while typically that was something Blake could ignore, when he was barely holding it together he couldn't bear to have someone putting him so he held up a hand to stop him.

"It's the best song we've ever written. Yeah, it's fucking personal and yeah, it's going to rat me out to the world as being a little less heartless than they think but for once I need to do something for you guys, even if it sucks complete ass for me." He said with honesty and a maturity even he himself hadn't known he possessed.

"Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Blake Matthew Everett?" Kace asked staring hard at the man he considered one of his best friends.

Blake laughed dryly.

"I guess maybe the whole being an asshole thing is just getting old. Let's just run it from the top."

The rest of the boys filed out into the sound room, having already tracked all the instruments, saving the vocals for last.

Blake took a deep breath and stepped forward, his hands gripped tightly on the microphone stand and his eyes closed as he began to sing softly.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me. This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy. I need somebody to heal. Somebody to know. Somebody to have. Somebody to hold.

It's easy to say but it's never the same. I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain. Now the day bleeds into nightfall and you're not here to get me through it all. I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug. I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.

He kept going. He sang the whole song straight through, ignoring the looks from the boys in the booth and completely losing himself in the memories and emotions the words brought up for him.