I Know You Can't Speak

Lawrences Lies

Year Two:

"Lawrence, any other time you answer your phone while you at work, what you mean you can't answer?" I texted him angrily. I had called him 3 times in the course of an hour and he didn't pick up. Only after the last time did he text back to say he was working and couldn't talk.

Three months into the second year of our relationship and after our engagement and Lawrence had started to do questionable things. His behavior had begun to change drastically and I couldn't wrap my mind around why. It happened so fast I never saw it coming. I wasn't quick enough to stop what I didn't know was about to happen.

"Babe give me 5 minutes. I'm about to call you. Relax." he told me. He called an hour later, explaining that his boss was working with him and he couldn't answer. I felt like something wasn't right but I dropped the situation. Until the next one occurred. I noticed that he had began to always put his phone face down, always made sure he left the room with it and even slept with it under his pillow. My curiosity got the best of me so one day, while he was in the shower, I tried to go in it but, his password was changed.

"Why ya password changed?" I asked him curiously as he stepped out of the shower.

"Why you tryna go in my phone?" He asked defensively.

"That's besides the point, but answer my question.

"If you must know, I changed my password because I feel like if we gonna trust each other then we just should. I don't need your password and you don't need mine." he told me as he got dressed, kissed me and walked out the room, leaving me puzzled.

"How did it go from "what's mine is yours" to some trust bullshit?" I asked Aiyana the next day. Aiyana kept trying to vouch for him.

"Well girl I agree. Passwords and shit don't determine anything. You really need to chill before you lose a good man girl" she uttered.

"Yeah you right, I'mma chill" I told her with uneasiness in my voice.

Lawrence's behavior began to become really unusual. Everything that he was doing began to change. Our sex had even slowed down. What once used to be 5 times a week had now turned into one if that. And his excuse was always that he was tired. We also began to argue about any and everything which was something that we had never done before.

"Fine fuck it! If you don't wanna believe me, then fucking don't! You're so fucking ungrateful and inconsiderate! If I told you I worked all night, why would you not believe I was taking a nap?!" He yelled at me.

I hadn't talked to him since the previous night and when I called at 3pm the next afternoon, this was his excuse.

"Lawrence you got off work at 7am! You haven't been sleep for 8 hours who you think you talking to?!" I snapped at him.

"Man whatever I'm not doing this with you. I'll see you later" he told me before hanging up.

It was then that I had my first anxiety attack. I paced my floor and all these thoughts over came me as I began to sweat profusely which was weird because it was cold in my room. I began to shake uncontrollably which caused me to lose my breath and my chest tightened up. I screamed out as tears fell down my face because I felt so overwhelmed. I tried to take deep breaths and breathe easy just as Deja came in my room.

"Girl what's wrong with you?" She asked me looking concerned. I looked at her as I broke down and she held me in her arms.

"No nigga is worth your sanity! If you feel like he's cheating then you need to ask him! And if he's making you feel like this, he needs to know and fix it or you need to leave him it's that simple!" She told me as she consoled me. I know she was tired of seeing her little sister hurt but truth is, her little sister was tired of being hurt too.

"Lawrence I haven't been feeling like myself. We're not the same, things are changing and it's bothering me. Are you cheating on me?" I asked him later on that evening. He had came to get me so that we could spend some much needed time together. Deep down inside I knew that he was cheating on me, it just made me sick to my stomach to even think that he would do that to me so, I remained in denial.

He looked at me for a second before he answered.

"Jasmine why would you ask me that?" He said defensively.

"Because I feel like you are!"

"Well I'm not. I would never cheat on you. You starting to act like you don't trust me anymore and that's bothering me." he told me

"It's bothering me that your behavior is changing and you're trying to make it seem like I'm crazy!" I snapped at him.

"You're not crazy, you just tripping on nothing. I'm yours baby." He told me as he began to kiss me. We went inside his apartment where he cooked me dinner then proceeded to massage me, eat my pussy until I cried and give me some of the best sex I had ever had. The next day, I awoke to flowers and breakfast in bed.

"What's this about?" I asked him suspiciously.

"We haven't been seeing eye to eye and I just wanted you to know I still care about you." He told me as he kissed me. We had a good day and I left feeling better but still uneasy. The days passing things went right back to how they had been. Things still didn't sit well with me so, I decided to do a surprise visit to his house. I told him that I was babysitting my nephew for Deja but when I popped up, I couldn't believe what I was saw...