I Know You Can't Speak

Year One:

The first year of me and Lawrence's relationship felt like a honeymoon. Everything that he had been doing to get me, he did to keep me. The dates continued, the gifts continued, the texts and everything else. Every other word was babe and he called me beautiful like it was my first name. He gave me the password to his phone and keys to his house telling me "what's mine is yours baby". We finished each other sentences, and he catered to me physically, mentally and emotionally like Vince had never done. Like I never even knew a man could. Every way that Vince broke me down, Lawrence built me back up. He gave me confidence that I never even knew I had. He was really a breath of fresh air. My fresh air. I had a permanent smile on my face and my heart because he treated me with the utmost respect and made me feel like the happiest girl in the world. Everywhere I went, everyone told me I was glowing and smiling more and that they were happy for me. He made me feel wanted, loved and appreciated. He protected me, kept me at peace and made me feel like I mattered. On our one year anniversary, he surprised me and proposed to me and it was the happiest day and moment of my life. I always had flashbacks about the day...

We were out to dinner and towards the end of the dinner the waitress brought out a slice of my favorite cake, with the engagement ring on the top and the words "Will You Marry Me?" Written in chocolate on the plate. My eyes began to tear up as I looked around. From the waitress who was smiling to the people in the restaurant watching, then to Lawrence who was in front of me on one knee.

"Jasmine, I love you. Since the first day I laid eyes on you I knew that you were the one for me. I don't see a future without you and I don't want to spend my life with anybody else but you. Will you marry me?" I cried out yes as tears of joy streamed down my face. Everyone around us was clapping and applauding as we kissed and Lawrence picked me up and spun me around.

"Babe you're the best thing to happen to me. I can't wait to marry you and give you my child and the life you really deserve." he told me on the way home. I always kept that memory in mind or stared at my ring to keep me happy but..

You ever get tha feeling that something isn't right? Like your gut, intuition feeling? Well, that was me. I don't know if it was from my trust issues or what but, after he proposed, I started to feel as if things were too good to be true. I didn't know what it was, but the feeling in my gut just wouldn't go away.

"Girl you're tripping. Stop tryna ruin ya relationship for no reason! Lawrence loves you to death. He proposed to you what do you possibly think he could be doing?" Aiyana would tell me.

"Girl if you feel it then it's real. Follow that gut feeling! I ignored mine and that's how I ended up with a baby by a married man." Deja would tell me. He proposing and shit, when he gonna move y'all in together?" She would ask. Lawrence said that he wanted to buy us a home and until then I didn't want to live with a man again.

I didn't know which one of them to listen to, I just knew that what was done in the dark always came to the light and the truth always had a funny way of revealing itself..