I Know You Can't Speak

Jasmine:

I sat on the edge of the toilet seat and stared at the pregnancy test in my hand. Two pink lines stared back at me as if we were having a staring contest. Not wanting to believe what I was seeing, I took another one and sure enough the two pink lines appeared again.

"What the fuck!" I said to myself as I threw the test in the trash and walked to my room. I hadn't talked to Lawrence in three weeks. Since the incident had happened. He had tried everything in his power to get me to talk to him. Apology texts, flowers, talking to Deja, cards, money. He even went so far as to have his sister and mom call me. I didn't want any of it. I felt like I had accepted so much from Vince that I told myself that I would never accept anything less than what I deserved and Lawrence cheating only meant that he would keep doing it if I took him back. I didn't want to call him but, considering the circumstances, I had no choice. He answered on the first ring.

"He-hello?" He said anxiously like his phone was in his hand and he was waiting for me to call.

"We need to talk" I told him getting straight to the point.

"Okay, what's up?" He asked.

"I'm pregnant."

There was silence on the phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm here..."

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes I heard you. Listen, Jas. I know you don't like me right now so I don't know what to say. I would love for you to keep it so that we can start fresh and start our family but it's your decision" he told me. I was quiet for a few minutes before I replied.

"Okay well I'll let you know what I decide" I told him before hanging up. He called right back.
"Jasmine I'm sorry" he uttered as soon as I answered.

"Okay."

"Like Jas, I'm begging you to forgive me. She didn't mean anything. I feel like a dickhead. I know I shouldn't have ever betrayed you. I let her use me to get back at you and I shouldn't have done that. You're the love of my life I really don't want to lose you. Or my baby. Y'all my family" He begged. I listened to him plead for 15 more minutes before he stopped talking.

"Lawrence I really don't know what to say... I'll just call you when I decide what I'm going to do." I said as I hung up again. He called back but this time I didn't answer. Days passed before I decided that I was going to keep my baby. Despite our differences, I felt like my baby didn't have anything to do with Lawrence's wrong doings. I felt like my baby would bring me the joy that I had been longing for. I told Lawrence that I was going to keep it and from that day forward, he turned back into the old Lawrence. He started being nice and doing everything I asked, waiting on me and and foot. I eventually decided to give him another chance for the sake of our family because I always told myself that if I ever had a child, I would make sure they grew up in a two parent home. I didn't trust Lawrence which ultimately caused an issue . I knew that things would never be the same. I knew that he had caused a change in me and I would never give him the same energy that I had once given him. We argued almost every time he was out of my sight. I feared that he would cheat on me again with Mercedes or even leave me for her. Or someone else for that matter. My anxiety rose sky high anytime I suspected he was up to no good and even if he wasn't I always thought otherwise. I didn't want to be the way that I was but he caused me to be that way and I couldn't help it.

"Jas how are we gonna work if you don't trust me?" He asked me and my answer would always simply be "I don't know.." I wanted to trust him but my intuition just told me otherwise...

One day I had just left my 4 month Dr. appointment. Lawrence normally went with me but this day he wasn't answering the phone.

"This nigga better have a good fucking excuse" I told myself as I drove to his house. Letting my anxiety get the best of me, I came up with 100 scenarios of what or who he could be doing. When I pulled up, his car was parked in the driveway.

"He jus better be sleep" I told myself as I got out and made my way to his front door. I was about to let myself in when I heard voices coming from the inside.

"Lawrence you so full of it!" The voice snapped. "What do you mean she's pregnant?!" She continued. "So this is why you couldn't see me? Why you've been ignoring me?! You said you were leaving her for me..now this!?" She yelled.

"Mercedes calm down!" I heard Lawrence say. Not waiting anymore, I banged on the door and waited for him to open it.

"Jasmine" he said startled as he saw me standing there.

"What is this bitch doing here?" I asked enraged.

"Jas she..."

"I'm here cus he wants me to be here" she said cutting him off and answering my question.

"Jas she's lying I was on my way to meet you and she popped up!" He said.

"I just heard y'all outside the door. So you told her you were leaving me for her?"

"Jas I never told her that!"

"So why would she say it!?"

"Because he told me that shit" Mercedes said laughing. "He loves me. Cus you're fucking boring & I'm the spice he needs in his life. You thought he stopped fucking with me? He never did" she said as she smirked and stared at me. I had never felt more disrespected by someone I considered a friend, a sister at one point. I looked her up and down and I had never been in a fight before but I knew that if I wasn't pregnant, I would have been in my first one that day.

"Mercedes what's your fucking problem with me?" I asked her as I walked towards her, my blood boiling by the minute.

"My fucking problem is, your sister ruined my family, so I'm going to make your life a living hell!" She snapped at me.

"And what the fuck does that have to do with me?! I knew nothing about that until the night we saw them together!"

"I don't care! That's your sister. So you're guilty by association" she told me as she got in my face. Then she stepped back.

"I'm gonna leave you two be. But Lawrence, you're never getting rid of me. She told me as she went in her purse. She pulled out an envelope and dropped it on the coffee table, walked over to Lawrence, kissed him in the cheek and walked out. I walked over to pick up the envelope and there was an ultrasound in it. With not one, but two babies in it...