The Night Talks • Vents

im not ignorant

i know what rape is
the act of sexually taking what isnt yours
ive been through the suffering
through the authorities
i know what rape is
rape isnt black and white
i fall in the grey category
it was more than assault
but not exactly textbook rape
so the word i use is rape
because in my mind
he took away my sexual safety
and thats more than enough to call it rape
but still
im called a liar
im asked the question
"are you sure"
im not believed
im made fun of
im ignored
no i dont want you to see me
and think victim
but i want to be believed
i want my rapist to stop smiling like i did
i want him to stop giving me those judging looks
i want to be cared for
was the panic attacks not enough
was the sleepless nights not enough
was the tears not enough
was my pain not enough
for you to believe me
but his roll of eyes
his sigh of annoyance
his laugh
his smile
is enough for you
to believe him
but then again
i turned down the investigation
because it happened a year before
and i just wanted to forget
so i was just bluffing
but i know what the word rape means