Story Excerpts

Jared, excerpt 2

"And-And I can remember, the photographer had told Brody to smile, and he said he wasn't the smiling type, but Momma whispered something to him and his whole face lit up, and it turned out so... I think it's a perfect photo."
"You had straight hair as a child."
"I had to cut it off. It grew back like this."

Jared knew full well that he was there to talk about his problems. And in a way, he supposed he was. Talking about the photo made every piece of him ache, strain to get a grip, then ache some more. He didn't want to talk about what was wrong. He wasn't ready to deal with it. He might not ever be ready, truthfully, after so many years of silent battles and tear stained pillows.

"Do you know why you're here, Jared?" Was his tone deprecating? Was he hearing it wrong? After the constant hateful tone from his father, he couldn't tell. He wasn't ready for this.
"Because I had an episode, right?" He couldn't remember what had happened.
"Nobody knew what to do. We only have anxiety recorded in your student files, which you're medicated for, but I don't think that's the only issue."
"It wasn't intentional. It won't happen again though, I'm really sorry-"
"I don't want you to apologize to me." He pulled a paper out from under the others on his clipboard and starts to read from it. "Between classes, student suddenly screamed and started running for reasons unknown. Mr. Cameron followed student through campus, and found student hiding in a bathroom, crouched under the sink. Student was crying and hitting his palms against his head, and screamed when Mr. Cameron tried to pull his hands away from his head." He looked over his clipboard at Jared. "Does this sound familiar?"

That's when the world started collapsing around Jared's shoulders. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe anymore. That wasn't how it happened, I had a good reason to run!
He wanted to scream those words at the therapist, but the memory of his father, there in the crowd, glaring at him like he was the world's biggest mistake... he couldn't do it. He didn't want to live in fear anymore, but even when he left, that raw terror followed him. Every step he took, every breath, was riddled with that fear. He was doomed to live a life soaked with terror.

He could faintly hear his name being called, but within seconds his ears were ringing like there was no tomorrow. It was too loud, his head ached worse with each second that passed, so he covered his ears with his hands to try to make it stop. His chest was screaming, lungs gasping for air, and he could feel nails biting into the flesh around his ears, jaw clenched so hard his throat ached and his vision started to fade to black around the edges.

(It'll be okay, my love. You're going to be okay. I believe in you. Deep breaths, baby.)
20, 19, 18, 17...

He needed to breathe. If he wasn't careful, he would pass out again, and that would make things worse. He needed oxygen, but each time he tried, it felt like something hot was impaling his lungs.

(Deep breaths, baby. Listen to my voice dear. Listen. You're going to be okay. You're going to be just fine. Deep, deep breath.)
16, 15, 14, 13...

He always wanted to be better. After Mason died, he couldn't sleep anymore. His bed felt so big, the entire house felt too big. It was so overwhelming.

(Baby boy, you're not listening. Deep breath, Jared. Calm your mind. You are in a safe place.)
12, 11, 10, 9...

He could do it. He had to, so that mom could be proud of him, wherever she was. He wanted so badly to prove his worth to her, even though she had been gone for years.

(Good, baby. Good boy. I'm so proud of you, Jared.)
8, 7, 6, 5...

He blocked out the pain and forced a deep gulp of air into his lungs. He would be okay. Mom, despite being gone, would always help him. Sometimes, if He focused enough, he could feel her loving embrace. He wanted nothing more right then than to hug his mother and tell her how much he loved her.

(Good. You're doing great, my love.)
4, 3, 2, 1.
He could beat this.
Even though every word stuck to his throat, he knew he could get through this. He had to get through this.
He closed his eyes, head going foggy, but the last thing he knew, he was being hugged carefully. Mom would always be there to help him, he just knew it.

Image: Appearance reference for Jared as a young boy, straight hair
Note: His hair style does change. He was born with straight hair, and after cutting it all off it grew back curly.