LE DIAMANTÉ ( THE DIAMOND) ON HOLD

10.Bitter Memories

NATE'S. P. O. V

My alarm rings right in the middle of those too good to tell or remember dreams and i groan in annoyance before slapping it into silence.
Forcing my body to get in line with the idea of leaving my bed I get up and headed for the shower still trying to rub the sleep from my eyes. Once I'm done i head to the kitchen .

" Well you're up early"Charlotte says, I flash her a smile as I grab a bowl thirty minutes after my shower.

"I had to I'm in charge of the kitchen today remember?"  She smiles at me  before taking her attention back to her bowl of cereal and I'll gladly take it as a yes.

I busy myself with the meal I gotta cook, I'm thinking  'spagehtti and cilantro lime chicken'.
Marie left  two weeks ago and everything's back to it's old routine , the helper's come in every two days to check on us and do the intense cleaning up and laundry.
Iris lives with us so ain't no body gotta worry bout supervision she keeps us in check.

I start to prepare the chicken in readiness for today lunch meal and just as i place the pan on the stove Blair pops her head in the kitchen " Hey mi familiar!"  She says pulling Ina along with her , they've been hanging out alot recently.

" Hey , what's got you all excited?"  I watch as she gets giddy with unexplained excitement,her eyes bounce between me and Ina.

" Should we tell him?"  Ina frantically shakes her head 'no' but Blair being Blair she ignores it

Blair takes a deep breath " I think we found mum".

You know how in movies when somebody says something really cool or really bad everything just seems to pause for dramatic effect?
That's what's happening right now, I'm looking at my sister and her friend who can't stop smiling like they won the Olympics or something.

I slam the chicken packet down  " what did you just say?" I grit out trying to control my flairing  temper. Blair's face pales a little but she quickly masks it.

" Look Nate I know we talked about this but don't you wanna know where she is?"

" The last thing I wanted to know is where she is"
She glares at me but pushes on " deep down you do, we might be able to go to her ask where she's been ..."

" She left us Blair she didn't go on some treasure quest and get lost no she left!"
Ina flinches back when I yell but I'd care less how my temper affects her , I don't need my own sister reminding me of things I'd vowed to forget.

"Maybe she had a reason , something she couldn't tell us , Nate we deserve to know"
She comes round the island her arms reaching out for me , her face is remorseful and I feel sorry for her she's so naive.

"I don't know how you found out where she is but believe me Blair the last thing you wanna do is open this can of worms"

" you're wrong , Nate I know you hate her and you have every right to looking at how she left but I'm certain there is a solid reason"

" Damn it Blair she abandoned us there's no explanation for that ,she fucking left us right after dad's wealth took a nose dive,let it fucking go!" 
Her mouth closes into a thin line ,she's looking at me anger riddled on her features.

" You might hate her but she's our mother you will respect her!" She demands and I can't help but role my eyes.

"She's your mother not mine!" I breath in closing my eyes a few times.

She slams her fist on the kitchen island the sound bouncing off the walls" She's OUR mother Nate" .

" She left us Blair right after dad lost his company and you got sick!"

" she must have had a reason " she says in a hushed tone.

"Fuck that Blair, she left with some Rich bastard , she left you in hospital weak from all that chemo, she left us Blair,I don't know if that's your type of ideal mother figure but it surely isn't mine!",I walk of abandoning the food ,I've said too much as it is.

Blair doesn't know what happened she was too young to remember anything but me I saw how dad begged her to stay ,how she belittled him with words and spat in his face when he begged. Whatever reasons she had would never change my mind.

" Nate wait up!" I turn and Ina is jogging up to me . " Are you ok ?" She asks breathly

"Shouldn't you be with Blair?" I say sarcastically and she frowns a litttle her lips mimicking an upside down creasent moon

" She shut me out of her room , don't think she'll be out anytime soon"

I sigh running a hand through my hair , Ina probably thinks I'm a douche.
" I'm sorry for the way I reacted , it's just, I don't like talking about my mother", I say breathing out my exasperation.

" Actually I should be the one apologising " Ina says , she's now twiddling her finger's avoiding eye contact  "I pushed Blair to look for her,thing is she told me about it and I told her I'd help her find your mother if she allowed it"

" How much did Blair really tell you Ina?"

" Uh well." I must be intimidating her cause she's acting all nervous . " She told me about your mum and her 'habits' ,about how your dad struggled to keep her happy and" she abruptly stops as if her tongue woukd catch fire if she spoke further

"Go on" I fold my arms looking her dead in the eye.

" How he'd beat you when he was drunk and how your mother would go for long hours without feeding or taking care of you". She looks at me her face riddled with a mixture of what I think is guilt,remorse and maybe an apology?.

I shake my head ,a laugh rumbling from my chest but it's vacant of joy "I'm puzzled as to why My own sister would find it comfortable to tell I literal stranger my life".

Ina's face drops visibly hurt  by my words but good at least non of us are happy. Vile memories I'd stashed deep in my mind come flooding to the surface, I trusted her to keep my past to herself and at the first chance she get she tells a practical stranger my weaknesses.

I walk back to the house headed straight for Blair's room . I bang loudly agaisnt the door " open the fucking door Blair!"

"I don't wanna talk to you Nate"

I slam my hands on the door ignoring the pain that sages through me" You told her about dad about mum about me!"

The door clicks and it slowly opens , Blair's head pops out her eyes giving me a pleading look " I'm sorry " she says with a trembling lower lip " I just really wanted her to help me,I didn't know what else to say"

" You couldn't think of anything else other than my past,you had to use my pain to emotionally bait her,are you fucking serious!"

" It's my pain to,you make it look like you're the only one who's suffered,but so have I!"

" This isn't about who has the most cuts it's about TRUST, I trusted you to keep the shit buried!"

" Unlike you Nathan I don't run away from what hurt me , I'm no coward like you , weak and pathetic hiding behind that stupid act of yours"
I look at Blair absolutely wordless ,her words cut through me like a knife,she stiffens her back my pain acting like a new found strength for her and she continues to drive the knife in my chest deeper

"I don't care how much pain you've gone through I suffered too and unlike you I'm willing to face the cause of my torment"

There's something in my throat, something stopping me from crushing whatever confidence she finds in this,I swallow my pain as I wipe the stray tear on my face.
" Weak" i say barely an echo of everything shes just said.
" I'm weak Blair?" she just looks at me , I seriously don't expect her to answer.
I raise my shirt pointing directly at the scar in my lower rib area, reminding her of how I never hesitated to give her my liver three years ago when hers begin to fail and die.
Her eyes glaze over and I pull my shirt down
" I'd rather be weak than ungrateful"
I walk away, my aim is to get away from this place I need to drown my pain.