The Monster in the Sky. Klance AU

Chapter 25: Paranoia

"I lied to the police, James," Keith let out a heavy sob that contrasted his usual unemotional appearance. He buried his head into his hands as James placed an arm on Keith's back. The gesture was supposed to be comforting but, for some reason, it felt like fire burning into Keith's skin. It was like the weight and pressure of James's hand was riddled with every tiny fragment of guilt that was spread across Keith's entire body. In fact, it was likely that the guilt was more prominent in his veins than his own blood. "I can't believe it. What if they find out? I'm going to get arrested and I can't- I can't- I-"

As Keith's words resembled puffs of air more than coherent sentences, James hushed him. He used the hand that wasn't a heavy weight on top of Keith's back to rub Keith's arm up and down. "It's fine. I bet they'll give up on the case anyway. It's not like my dad had anyone close to him who cared enough to bug the police to keep the case open. They'll probably give up and say there wasn't enough evidence or something."

"But what if they don't give up? What if I have to go to jail? What if-"

"Look at me," Keith removed his hands from his face and tilted his head up to meet eyes with James. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't lose himself in the colour. The guilt was a heavy anchor, keeping him grounded to the dangerous truth. "You won't go to jail, okay? I'll make sure of it."

"I'm sorry I killed him. I really wish I could go back and-"

James shook his head and forced a smile for Keith's sake. "It isn't your fault. You had no choice." Keith turned so he could bury his head into James's chest and continued to sob. At that moment, he was desperate for James to be the life jacket that kept Keith afloat.

-

Despite Keith and James having supposedly 'made up', James continued to act strangely around his boyfriend. Keith had never been good with words so he could hardly comprehend why but he knew James was acting off. At meal times, James refused to touch his food; instead choosing to push it all around on the plate until it looked more like soup than whatever solid substance it was meant to be. Another thing Keith had noticed was James's exhaustion. Being a pilot at the prestigious Galaxy Garrison was tiring but not to the extent that it explained James falling asleep on Keith's shoulder every time they spent time together. It seemed like there was something else going on. Keith instantaneously considered the worse but who could have blamed him? James already had a negative history; Keith wanted to avoid any repeats.

"James, are you okay?" Keith questioned, eyes thin with concern. He was trying to pick his boyfriend apart like a complicated maths equation to figure out what was going through his head. Keith had always been the best in the class at mathematics and problem solving but, still, he couldn't solve the mystery that was his boyfriend.

James started to pick at a loose thread in his jeans, wrapping it around his finger before uncurling it again. He avoided Keith's gaze before mumbling, "Why wouldn't I be?" as if that was enough to alleviate Keith's growing suspicion. The distance in his response gave Keith even more of a reason to worry. In the back of Keith's mind, one sentence was being repeated like a number 1 on the charts, way overplayed and quickly growing old: James is hiding something. James is hiding something. James is hiding something.

"I might just be paranoid but you hardly eat and you're tired all of the time. Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, Keith."

"You know you can talk to me, right? I'm not going to judge-"

"Just leave me alone!" James seemed just as surprised as Keith when the yell escaped his mouth as his own eyes opened. He swallowed before running a hand through his fringe to compose himself. "I'm okay... Please don't worry."

"I'll try not to but... I just don't want you to suffer in silence again. I can't-"

"I won't." James interrupted, not wanting Keith to mention the worst period of his life. He dropped his gaze to his lap; the avoidance of Keith's gaze made him feel uneasy.

"Will you-"

"Just drop it! I'm not depressed anymore if that's what you're insinuating! My dad's gone so I have no reason to be!" James pulled himself up onto his feet, drumming his fingers against his thighs in an attempt to calm himself down. He looked like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Keith's shoulders slumped once his boyfriend's voice raised into a shout again. He opened his mouth to respond and push his point even more but decided against it. Instead of voicing his thoughts, he stood up and wrapped his arms around James. He rubbed circles into his back and let silence wash over the room.

-

"How are you and James? You know, after everything." Lance asked nonchalantly when he was sat with Keith in his dorm, playing video games. They were playing against each other and, somehow, Keith kept winning, despite never having played the game previously. (Lance argued that it was beginner's luck but Keith knew it was really because he was skillful.)

"We're okay but he's acting weird." Keith mumbled, button mashing whilst keeping a straight face to pretend it was a proper strategy. Lance's character dropped to the ground and two letters flashed on the screen: K.O. Lance huffed beside him.

"How so?"

"He doesn't seem to be eating much and he's tired all of the time."

"Oh." They went silent as they focused on the battle again. Somehow, Keith's button mashing had given him a combo that allowed him to use his power move. They watched Lance's hp bar drain within seconds as his character was demolished once again. Lance rolled his eyes and dramatically shifted his position to drape his legs over Keith's lap.

"Get your disgusting feet off of me," Keith tried to shove Lance's shark sock-clad feet away but Lance seemed adamant about staying in the position. Quickly enough, Keith gave up on his efforts and began setting up another game. He paused before pressing the start button, finger hovering over it but not initiating anything. When he next spoke, his voice came out a weak whisper. "I'm scared he might be depressed again."

"Ask him. Don't let him suffer in silence or he might try something dumb again."

"That's what I'm so scared of..." Lance moved so his legs were hanging down the side of the bed again but twisted his body around so he could make eye contact with Keith. They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment until Lance spoke up again.

"Speak to him. Let him know how much you care for him. He should know he isn't alone and he has someone he can rely on. Even if that person is you, mullet."

Lance hoped the nickname would elicit even the tiniest smile from Keith but it didn't. All it succeeded in doing was making Keith break the eye contact to look behind Lance. "I'll try."